[ Watashi ]

[ Tomodachi ]

[ Saint Seiya ]

[ Clamp ]

[ Fanfiction ]

"Do you mean to tell me that the shogun isn't present to receive us?"

There was a mixture of annoyance and disapproval in Lord Fitzgerald's startled whisper. I looked around us, at the huge yard within the first walls of Edo castle, taking in the crowd of people who had assembled there to greet us, and prayed the wind hadn't borne the English nobleman's words to everyone. A quick stolen glance at Sakurazuka Sekai's face on my left confirmed my opinion. It was well and good that the delegation felt slighted by their host's absence, but to express it aloud would have been equivalent to insulting Tokugawa Ieyasu, or at least casting shame and blame on him, and I was quite sure it wouldn't have been the right thing to do.

The official who had stepped forward to welcome us bowed deeply, replying, "Alas, no, my lord. The shogun's presence was unexpectedly and unavoidably required in Kyoto. He told me to convey his deepest regrets, and also that he would return as soon as matters of state would permit. In the meantime you are to consider yourselves at home in this castle. As soon as he comes back, the shogun will be honored to give you the full, formal welcome befitting the importance of guests from beyond the oceans."

Right behind me, Liath snorted, bored with all this ceremony, and I gave him a gentle pat on the tip of the nose.

We had reached Edo in the end of the afternoon, and the sun was now starting to set, which meant we had been stuck here for the better part of an hour. I had to admit that I was looking forward to be able to settle down somewhat, wash, and get a bit of rest. Even though we had stopped to get a change of clothes before entering the city--it would have been rather inconvenient to walk the streets with blood all over us--I could feel dust in my hair, and I knew I needed a thorough cleaning.

In front of us, Lord Fitzgerald nodded, his face an expressionless mask except for a polite smile belied by the tension in his stance. At this moment another man approached, gesturing nonchalantly at the official who'd greeted us. "Oh please, Fukushima-san, enough with those long introductions, must we keep our guests waiting outside while night is falling?" Discarding the other man as if he had ceased to exist, the newcomer bowed to Lord Fitzgerald. "I am Date Masamune. Please be welcome, and forgive us for this poor reception. If you and your suite will follow me, I'll see to it that you're comfortably installed. Once you've had a bit of time to rest from the journey's strain, we'll organize a proper welcoming party."

Bowing a second time, the man named Date Masamune turned and walked away, clearly intending for the delegation to follow him. There was a moment of hesitation among the courtiers, and they finally followed in the man's steps. Beside me, Sakurazuka Sekai's eyes clouded for a fraction of a second, and I thought I saw him grimace in either contempt or disgust. Shaking his head, he turned towards me and forced a smile to come to his lips, "Well, I suppose that I'd better show you where you can let your charges rest."

I nodded at him, and fell into step behind him, half lost in the contemplation of the fantastic building called Edo Castle. A castle...yes, perhaps, but a castle of dreams. It had nothing in common with the crude fortresses I was used to, oh no. It didn't even compare with what I had heard of high lords' castles in England itself. What stood before my eyes was so delicate, intricate and beautiful that I had difficulty to believe it was the work of men.

It had been built all over a hill in the heart of the city, and it leveled up to the top, where I supposed the shogun's residence was set. Each level was separated from the next by cyclopean rocks, which had been placed so as to take the shape of the hill's slope, and walls had been built to guard the entrance of each level, with but one great wooden gate allowing passage from one level to the next. And everywhere there would be those strange but beautiful buildings with their four-sloped roofs at each separation between floors. Them, and gardens. Precious works of art they were, so masterfully and carefully cared for that one could almost feel harmony flowing through it, as if the hand of Man had somehow been able to perceive nature's intent and materialize it.

All in all, I had the weird feeling I had left the world of men to step into the faerie realm....

All around us, the crowd which had gathered to gawk at the frightening and weird sight of the shogun's gaijin guests was dispersing. Sakurazuka Sekai started ascending the path towards the next level, and behind me I heard a nervous whinny as Laigen made to stop before stepping on the relatively narrow way.

Shhh. I know you don't like it, Laigen. I know, but you'll have to bear with it. You wouldn't want those people to think you're afraid of a little climb, would you? Snorting indignantly, the bay mare gingerly set a hoof on the rising path, as if testing to see whether the ground would give way under her, and then followed Nia. I smiled inwardly, careful not to let the mare see my amusement.

Sakurazuka Sekai led us up until the penultimate level, and then around the hill, through one of those wonderful gardens. When Aodhan made as if to shy away from the path, faking terror at the sight of the wind flying the branches of one of those beautiful trees they called sakura, I turned towards the chestnut stallion, and in a lightning quick gesture grabbed his mane.

"A problem?"

I turned towards my companion and grinned at him. "No, just a small explanation between this mischievous monster and I. Nothing to worry about."

He shot me a curious look then shrugged, as if giving up on trying to make sense of my actions. When we reached the end of the garden, we found ourselves in the middle of sizable yard, and on the opposite side I saw a building, set against this level's wall. As I was wondering who was supposed to live there, Sakurazuka Sekai led me right to it, and my eyes widened as I saw the rings set in the stones of the wall, and as I saw several buckets of water waiting by a well on the side.

"Stables?" I belatedly realized I had let surprise win over me. I shook my head, repeating, "Stables? This mansion is supposed to be the stables?"

My companion chuckled. "Why, yes, but not just any kind of stables though. These are reserved for the shogun's and the most powerful daimyos' steeds. It wouldn't do to lodge your charges anywhere else. The building has another two floors where the people in charge of caring for the horses live. I figured we'd better find you a place there as well, ne?"

For a moment I simply stared at him and at the building behind him, speechless. Dear spirits, such luxury was simply beyond what I could ever have imagined. To live in such a place would be weird...unreal. Eventually I nodded, and went towards the building. When I reached Sakurazuka Sekai's side, I told him quietly, "I noticed you seemed to be annoyed when that man--Date Masamune--came to stir Lord Fitzgerald away." I smiled softly. "Don't worry, I'm sure Lord Fitzgerald isn't a man who can be fooled so easily. Politics and court intrigue are after all something he excels in, or he wouldn't have been sent as the leader of this delegation."

The man at my side smiled bitterly. "I don't doubt it, Aislinn-san. I am certain he'll work in the best interests of your country. But...." He shook his head. "It might be that and those of the shogun become different.... Or so some might drive your Lord Fitzgerald to believe. If only the shogun was present...but he's not, and so the powerful Houses currently in residence at Edo castle can be free to play their little games." He sighed. "It's such a bad time for the shogun to be away...."

"Aislinn-san, please come back!"

Like hell. I shot a quick glance behind me to see the servants were still intent on catching up with me. And once those women did, I'd be forced to wear clothing which would prevent me to even walk correctly. It had been Sakurazuka Sekai's idea to have me clad in a proper woman's attire, of course. He'd kept repeating this awful thing called a kimono would suit me perfectly, and that I had to try and adapt to this country's way of life. Well, I intended to, but there were limits. I might accept to wear a kimono in some circumstances, but only when I'd choose, certainly not to satisfy the whims of a man, even if that man happened to be a friend.

Besides, how could I take care of my horses with such clothes? Aodhan would have been amused to no end, the prankish rascal taking advantage of the situation to trigger catastrophe after catastrophe. Sreim would have twitched his ears wonderingly, and then snorted, accepting the randomness and weirdness of human behaviour as he'd have a mere change in the weather.

It was out of the question for me to allow this mascarade to happen. Accelerating, I took a sharp turn at the edge of the corridor and started at a run down the stairs leading from the first floor of the mansion-stables where I had been housed.

I threw a quick glance on my right towards the stables proper, but it was likely I'd run into another of the horses caretakers if I went in, and I didn't want to risk one of them indicating the servants where I had gone hiding. Looking around, I wondered where I could go to be free of this nonsense. My eyes stopped on the garden in front of us, and I smiled to myself. I hadn't had the leisure for strolling through it yet, and it was high time that be corrected. Grinning widely, I left the perfectly maintained stone path and ran on the wondrously soft grass, aiming for the nearest grove of trees before me.

Sakurazuka Sekai would be in for a disappointment, but then it wasn't my fault if he had wanted to play this stupid joke on me.

Beautiful....

I stopped, staring at the strange wooden arch right in front of me. I had run right to the huge garden's center, and there I had found this bizarre structure made of two high pillars of wood pointed towards the sky, united by two slightly curved wood beams near its top. It stood alone in the middle of the trees, the flowers and the grass, both alien to its environment and eerily one with it. Belonging.... It almost looked like a gate, guarding the sole entry to the clearing at the very heart of this garden. I looked at the trees which made some kind of walls defending the access to the clearing beyond them, and then walked over to the strange structure itself.

Torii was its name, if I had heard correctly the name people gave to it when we'd passed beside other such things. I looked at it for a few seconds, then on impulse reached out to it, and lightly rested the palm of my right hand against the wood.

Heartbeat.

Shiver.

I looked up, and felt my head reeling, overwhelmed by the sensations flowing through me, wilder than a high mountain stream.

*Life*. Life so strong, so present....

I had first felt it when we'd landed in the harbour town of Saga, but I had been afraid to trust my perceptions so early, I had been afraid to see a desperate hope be crushed. But now...now there was no doubt possible. I bowed my head, resting my forehead against the wood and closing my eyes. I felt my lower lip trembling as tears started running down my cheeks and as something which was both happiness and sorrow rose within me.

Happiness that such a place still existed in this world of men.

Sorrow because of Erin, because of the shadow it had become, so grey and dark compared to this....

Sorrow because...beautiful and wondrous though it was, in my eyes this land was incomplete, and would remain so, forever.

Sorrow because all the life I could feel whirling around me reminded me of the most terrible truth of my existence: loneliness. Absolute, and unbreakable. It had been the first thing my mother had warned me about when I had been old enough to understand.

Even if one day you meet a man who won't step back when you look him right in the eye, and who doesn't cross himself when he sees you being one with your horses, even if someday you find someone who loves you, you will forever be alone. That's the truth of our line, Aislinn. How I have wished I wouldn't pass this curse on to you, my daughter, but already I can see its shadow shining in your heart. That part of you will never find one who will know and understand. There will be times when it will rise within, and when its inhuman grief will drown your soul....

Eventually I managed to take hold of myself and to send the burning emotions back in the shadows of my heart. I took a deep breath and willed the raw pain in my chest to disappear, then pushed back from the wood pole. Looking right before me, I stepped through it and entered the clearing.

Here.... Yes, I felt a faint smile on my lips as I stopped beside one of the old sakura trees on the other side of the clearing. Its first branches weren't too high, almost inviting me to climb them. I did so, settling for one of the widest, some three meters from the ground, and sat down stretching my legs on it and pressing my back against the hard bark of the trunk. I leaned my head back, and stared at the canopy of leaves and branches above me. The tree was still full of those magnificent blossoms, which the breeze took away with a whim, and deposited in the hand I reached out to catch them.

Beautiful petals, so delicate, their pale pink color so pure.

My eyes followed them as the breeze took them back, flying them lazily where it would have the petals go.

Tell me, ancient one, whose life was it, that I held in my hand?

The wind rustled the tree's leaves and I smiled, knowing better than to expect an answer. It wasn't my place to question the rules which held true in this land. Not, it was not, even if....

Even if those rules hurt a friend's heart.

I sighed wearily, chasing the thought away, and focused instead on the life pulsing through the land all around me.

Reveling in the feeling of it.

Absorbed by it.

One with it.

With the wind.

This tree.

The grass and the earth.

My feet rooted deep in the land, and my head floating high in the sky.

Smiling at the mountains in the distance.

Breathing in the sunlight.

My spirit dancing with the clouds.

Playing with Time.

Holding it in my hands and then letting it go.

Brushing against it.

Watching as the echoes my fingertips raised rippled on and on, until infinity.

Enthralled.

I....

Touch.

Raindrop hitting the ground.

Running along a blade of grass.

Tiny rainbow.

Presence.

Here.

Within.

In the land's heart.

My heart.

My....

I brutally snapped out of the trance, barely feeling the frantic beatings of my heart, still under the shock of the perception's strength. I looked around me, lost, and my eyes passed over the shape of a man, standing at the foot of the tree.

Right below me.

A man...here? I stared at him numbly, taking in the oddly beautiful robes he was wearing and their colour, a white so pure it seemed unreal with faint purple touches at the edges. He was tall, as tall as Sakurazuka Sekai, but slim, and his hair was cut short, barely reaching the base of his neck. His eyes were the deep brown I had seen in almost all the people of this land. But those eyes....

Those eyes knew.

Those eyes were looking right at me, surprise and wonder shining brightly in them.

Like a candle's flame in a starless night.

"Anata wa...morigami...ka?"

Forest-spirit.... We faced each other like this during what could have been a fraction of a second or an eternity, then realization abruptly struck me. That man had seen me, he had felt me as I had opened myself up to the feeling of the land. And the consequences if he ever spread his knowledge in this castle of Edo, where the English delegation was still waiting for the shogun to return from Kyoto and formally welcome them.... It didn't matter how this man had been able to perceive what no human being should have been able to feel. It didn't matter that the Sight had almost completely disappeared from human lines.

Sakurazuka Sekai had it, but he was my friend, and he wouldn't betray that one secret.

Now this man....

No.

No!

Jumping down the tree in one fluid movement, I did the only thing I could do.

"Omachinasai!"

I fled.

"Ojo-san!"

I barely avoided the hand that shot out to grasp the edge of my sleeve, and ran, listening only to my heartbeats as their echoes invaded my mind, drowning the man's voice, drowning his words in which there had been neither fear, nor loathing.

Deaf to anything but my own dread, I ran.

A few heads turned my way when I jumped down the carriage, but the driver went on, unaware that a stowaway had just left his vehicle. Trying my best to ignore the stares, I quietly walked right in front of me, with no particular goal in my mind.

It hadn't been so easy to escape from Edo castle's walls, and if truth be told, I was very much aware the endeavor was a foolish one at best. But I needed to be free of the fortress for a while, to be free to stroll around and admire the sights, take in the land and people living around me. I needed to be free of the fear of being seen by the man I had met in the garden. Even though nothing had happened in the day which had followed the encounter, I couldn't help feeling fear closing its claws upon my heart whenever I thought he might betray what he had glimpsed and reveal to all what I was. I had tried to approach Sakurazuka Sekai on the subject of visiting the city, and when I had seen his adamantly negative response to the mere suggestion of getting out of Edo castle, I had dropped the matter.

Before coming here, I had discarded my usual garments to clothe myself in one of those funny outfits men wore: the strangely wide breeches they called hakama and the jacket that went with it. Fortunately I had been able to request those from the servants, pretexting I needed a change of clothes and that my own needed repair. I had gathered my hair into a small ponytail, and then I had set out for this venture. From people's stares, I knew I was far from looking like one of them, but still it was better to walk around clad like this than with my Irish clothes.

But you do realize that sooner or later someone will report a gaijin's sighting to the guards of Edo castle, and then--

Then, I would be in trouble. I snorted, discarding the thought. If it was to happen, then it would happen. Worrying about it wouldn't change anything, and besides I had better things to do than eating my heart out over what was nothing more than a possibility.

There were many people walking in the streets, even though the heat was starting to become uncomfortable. It looked like I had dropped off the carriage in the middle of a market quarter. I looked at the small stores, at the bright colours of the ribbons in women's hair, at the rich fabric of their clothes and felt humbled when I thought about the crude garments I had known and seen all my life.

Children's voices intruded into my reflections, and I stepped to the side to allow three little boys passage. I followed them, smiling despite myself as I identified the game they were playing at. I stopped as they did, wondering why this spot in the street more than any other had attracted their attention. Then I smelled the perfume rising in the air, and felt my stomach grumbling. I looked at the small store on my left, and saw it was selling what appeared to be sweets of some kind. The children bought some, and then started running again, pursuing each other without the slightest care of what was going on around them.

I turned my head on the right as I heard a bell sounding close by, and walked in he direction of the sound. I had left the children tot heir game a while ago, walking on with no precise intent, content to let a whim or inspiration guide me.

Ah, there it was. Right beyond the next turn of the street, I found what looked like a small temple. There were stairs leading up to it, on which a few people were discussing quietly. I watched them for a while, and quickly saw a pattern in their actions: people would go up the stairs, wash their hands in a small stone basin before giving some offerings like food or coins. Then they would bow deeply twice, clap their hands twice, bow once more and then pray. It was odd, because I couldn't see priests around to direct the prayers, and also because I couldn't see images of the deity they were praying to. I stayed there a bit more, drinking in the strange atmosphere of peace and then wandered on.

I stopped, looking around and wondering what had interrupted into my daydreaming. I had no idea where I was, and no idea how I had gotten there. A sudden gust of wind flew a lock of hair in my face, and I pushed it back reflexively. What was I doing in this place, and why had I yielded to this stupid whim of leaving Edo castle? What did it change to my situation?

Nothing.

No, nothing at all. I felt as lost as I had before, as unsure, my heart full of doubts and questions, full of a fear that poisoned it more and more. I was an idiot to have even thought for a moment that this escapade would help. I couldn't run away from reality, I could only face it and see what the days ahead would hold for me and my horses. Yes, there was nothing else I could do. Even though there was so much open space around me, even though I could wander aimlessly for hours, it didn't change the truth.

I was a prisoner.

Here.

Everywhere.

Shaking my head with a rueful smile, I thought I had too much time to myself these days, too much time during which my mind was free to dwell on things better left alone.

Another gust of wind, stronger than the first, slapped my face, and I realized the sky above me had darkened. It was now grey, full of angry storm clouds. People around me were half walking, half running, intent on reaching their destinations before the storm broke out. I started into a random direction, wondering if I could find shelter anywhere.

Damn, but I had no idea where to go, except towards the distant Edo castle, and I had no intention of just stepping to the first gate and asking to be allowed in. If there was still the slightest chance of avoiding trouble, I wanted to try it.

Pain.

The sensation struck me, and I felt my heart missing a beat. I stopped, wondering what might have caused it, but saw nothing special around me. The street was almost empty, except for an old man, standing right before a great maple tree.

Immobile.

There was something tied to the tree's trunk...flowers. A simple set of wild flowers, likely cut from some field outside the city. But what was this old man doing, standing there stock-still and his eyes set on the tree?

Pain.

Inwardly I staggered as the sensation struck me again. Before me, the old man was staring fixedly at that tree like it was the only real thing around him. As if....

Spots.

Darker than the trunk's mixture of brown and green.

Right at the tree's roots.

I slowly raised a hand to my lips, feeling cold invading my being. It was blood, dried blood, and.... Rain started to fall, a few drops at first, then the storm broke above us and rain poured down, drenching me to the skin.

And yet the old man didn't move, as if unable to step away from that place.

As if....

Lightning abruptly illuminated the scene, and I saw the old man's face.

Thunder roared.

Oh dear spirits....

I bowed my head, in a slow motion, as the feeling I had shut myself to was rising in the air all around me.

Sorrow.

Grief.

Unbearable.

Loss.

Pain.

Despair.

Grief, choking the air.

There were no tears running down the old man's cheeks, but I had seen the light shining in his eyes. He was standing there, unable to weep, unable to express aloud the grief tearing his heart apart, the feeling of loss so immense it eclipsed everything else. So terrible it drowned every other thing than it. And it grew, it kept growing in his soul.

It....

I felt a lump in my throat as I understood what he was most likely doing here.

Grieving for a dead.

Grieving because Fate had severed the thread of a life which had meant more to the old man than himself. Thunder roared again, and still the old man didn't move. I watched him, numb, while the rain kept pouring down. Unable to go to him, unable to reach out and help, unable to intrude into his pain.... Coward that I was.

Raindrops ran down my cheeks, tears I had no right to shed, tears which were not mine to shed. Eventually I turned away and ran in the storm. Cursing Fate, cursing myself for my inability to walk the few steps which had separated me from the old man and at least try to help. The shadow within coldly, quietly argued that I knew help would have been neither welcome nor wanted in this case, that human beings dealt with loss alone. Even though they organized burial ceremonies, they didn't truly share their pain with others, in the end it was something they had to face on their own. I knew that, deep down I knew it, but still....

Behind me, grief engulfed the air around the maple tree, and I ran faster, only distantly aware of the storm and of the rain soaking me through.

Hell, I had lost my way, running blind in the storm like the fool I was. I stopped, pressing my back against the wall of a house in order to try and protect myself from the rain as much as possible. I looked up at the sky, but saw nothing else than black clouds and lightning illuminating my surroundings in a threatening fashion. It seemed the storm had been raging over the city for an eternity, and would continue doing so endlessly. I hugged myself as the wind blew around me, taking in my drenched clothes. It wasn't cold, and yet.... I shook myself, trying to win free of the darkness enshrouding my heart and failing.

Whenever I closed my eyes, the sight of the old man standing motionless before the maple tree would haunt my mind. There had been such a terrible pain, such a terrible grief in that lonely figure, in those eyes empty of tears...empty of life. With a heavy sigh, I forced my mind to concentrate on the reality around me: I was standing in the middle of a thunderstorm, in the heart of a city in which I was a total stranger, and I was lost. I had to find some place from which I could catch the sight of Edo castle so I could get my bearings and get back to a place where I could try to get dry and find some comfort.

Nia wouldn't ask or question, Nia would give me warmth and acceptance, they all would. After all, they were the only family I had left, the last links to a part of me that nobody else could truly see and understand. Yes, that was it, I had to get back to my horses. Pushing away from the wall, I went back the way I had come.

"Lost your way, gaijin-san?"

I froze as I heard the slurred words. In front of me, five men stepped from the shadows to stand in the middle of the street. Very efficiently barring my way. With a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, I wondered if it was worth it to turn around and run. As if they were reading my thoughts, another said, "My, look at those eyes wide with fear! We must be an impressive sight." With a smirk, he added, "Don't even think about escaping the other way, you wouldn't be able to give us the slip."

No, it was likely I couldn't, they knew the place and I didn't.

"What's a rich, honorable gaijin doing in this remote part of the city, I wonder?"

Rich?

I shook my head in denial. "No, wait a minute! I'm not rich, I don't have anything of value on me, I--"

Laughter interrupted me. "Yeah, sure! What I can see is you don't have a katana at your belt. How stupid must one be to venture alone in these parts without even a weapon to defend one's life?"

I chuckled bitterly. "What good would it do to wear a weapon I wouldn't know how to use?" Focusing on the men, I stepped towards them, fighting the fear away. I had nothing for them, no money, no jewels. I knew I couldn't convince them of that by words, so the only thing I could try was to walk as if they weren't there.

Just let me through.

I have no quarrel with you, I am of no interest to you.

They didn't move as I advanced towards them, but as I reached the first, a hand shot out to grab hold of me, quick as a snake. Foolish mistake. Reacting on instinct, I seized the wrist and twisted it, taking advantage of the man's movement to unbalance him. Pulling him on the left, I kicked him on the right leg and he unceremoniously fell in the mud at our feet. I smiled coldly, my senses alert to the others.

"You bastard!"

I saw the fist coming from the left and bent down, lunging in that same direction and elbowing the attacker between the ribs. I felt him staggering, and drew away, just in time to catch another blow. I looked into eyes full of anger and in the same time something struck me in the back. I cried out as pain echoed in my body, staggering to the side.

Dear spirits, I couldn't get out of this alone, even if working with horses had given me strength and had taught me to react in a split second, I couldn't outfight five men. The only chance I had was that they'd be content to beat me down and wouldn't dare kill me. They'd quickly see I had nothing worth stealing, but their search would also tell them it was a woman they had at their mercy, not a man, and the consequence of that.... I reached inside my jacket, my fingers closing on the silver dagger I always kept by my side. Hopeless though the situation was, I had no choice but to try and win free.

I unsheathed the dagger, and lightning reflected on its blade. My attackers froze for a fraction of a second, and suddenly I saw someone behind them.

A solitary figure, facing me.

A man, holding a small rectangle of paper between forefinger and middle finger, his eyes closed.

Focused.

There a slight sound beyond the rain, like a whispered chant....

Power.

Thunder roared, deafening, and the five men rushed at me. In the same time, the stranger's eyes opened and he threw the small piece of paper towards us. Then, as I barely avoided the first blow, the air around us erupted into movement as a myriad of birds materialized out of nowhere, swooping down upon my attackers. Screams of terror rose from them, and they ran away.

Sheathing my dagger, I staggered back to the closest wall, in need of a support. Pain was rising in my back, radiating through my body. I breathed deeply, focusing on my heartbeats and on mastering the tearing sensation within.

"Are you all right?"

I looked at the man, replying in a whisper, "Yes, I'll be all right in a moment, thank you."

I had seen those colours before: a mixture of white, green and dark brown, and that man.... Tall, slim and handsome in an alien way with those deep brown eyes which seemed to know and understand.... With a sharp intake of breath, I pressed my back against the house's wall, unheeding of the pain flaring up again inside me.

"I see you recognize me, good."

He was smiling at me, a gentle, reassuring smile as if he wanted to tame a wild, frightened animal. That man was the one I had met in the garden's heart, the one who had felt what I was.... I shook my head, asking in a hiss, "How did you happen to be here?"

Shrugging, he passed an arm around my shoulders and helped me to stand away from the wall's support.

Dear spirits it hurt!

He drew me away without a word, and I followed, accepting his help. Something within kept telling me I should have escaped from this man, run far away where he'd never find me...but I had no strength left to do that.

"I didn't happen to be there by coincidence, ojo-san." I looked at him, and saw a humorless smile on his lips. "After our encounter in the garden, I have tried to find the person who ran away from me as if I were a threat to her life. I quickly found you were part of the English delegation, and also where you were lodged. As I doubted it would be convenient to try and speak to you in the stables, I had you followed, waiting for a good opportunity to do so.... It would seem Fate played a little game of its own, forcing me to reveal my presence and thus preventing me from achieving my objective."

I turned his words twice in my mind, trying to make sense of them, and then gave up. When we reached a crossroads, I saw a the sign of an inn swinging with the wind, and he drew me inside. The tenant silently ushered us towards one of the many alcoves in which customers sat a their own table, protected from the eyes of other patrons.

I knelt down as best I could, impaired by the pain in my back, and shivered, feeling cold even though it wasn't really cold outside. A serving girl quickly brought us cups, and a pitcher, then went away. The man in front of me filled one of the cups and then held it out to me, saying, "Here, drink this."

I stared at him for a few seconds, wondering what I was doing here with him, and then took the cup and drank. I could see no other thing to do, no choice.

The drink was sweet and warm, and when it hit my stomach its heat started radiating through my body, dimming a bit the pain in my back.

"I think it's best if we outwait the storm in this place before returning to Edo castle. Besides, a bit of rest should help, it was a nasty blow that struck you in the back."

The tone of his voice was quiet, confident. I took another swallow of the drink, and then my fingers clenched around the cup as I asked him, "You talked about achieving your objective. What was it?"

He shot me a surprised look, and then shrugged. "I told you, I just wanted to talk to you, and to understand why I had raised such a fear in your heart."

I set the cup down, laughing bitterly. "Certainly, you jest!" I stared at him. "You're kidding me, aren't you? You wonder why I fear you, even though you're aware I know you felt what I was doing in the garden, even though I know you have seen *me*?" I bowed my head, focusing on the drink in the cup and on the heat it was still generating inside my body. In a whisper, I added, "I'm afraid because I keep waiting for the time when you'll reveal to everyone that there's a witch among the English delegation."

"What?!"

Taken aback by the surprise emanating from him, I looked up to see incomprehension shining in his deep brown eyes. Surprise, as if he didn't know, as if here.... Shaking my head, I took the cup and emptied it, setting it down with the slightest trembling in my hand, and then told him in a toneless voice, "Where I come from, they burn witches as agents of evil. Be they wisewomen who've retained a bit of the ancient herb knowledge, people others simply hate and are willing to brand as witches on the basis of sole rumors, or even people who happen to be shy of others and to live on their own, different from the masses...."

A hand covered mine, warm, and I realized I was trembling, on the verge of tears. "Barbarians...." I tensed as I heard the barely audible whisper, full of a sudden, burning anger. Full of contempt. He sighed wearily, shaking his head, and his hand squeezed mine, gently.

"You have nothing to fear from me, ojo-san. There's no reason for me to reveal your secret to others, you're no threat to this land, there's no evil within you. That's the only thing that matters to me." He smiled crookedly. "Despite that, I suppose there might be something to gain from discrediting the English delegation, whose members certainly don't know what you are; but I care nothing for politics, for the games the powerful Houses and the shogun play. My sole purpose is to watch over this land, to protect its spiritual balance."

He released me, and drank a sip from his own cup before saying, "Besides, I'm sure you did feel my intervention a few moments ago. Would an onmyouji betray one who could almost be of his kind?"

Onmyouji?

I shook my head. "I don't know what you're talking about, I am no wielder of magic."

He chuckled softly. "Now, that much is certain, or you wouldn't have let yourself be trapped in such a difficult situation. Yet I felt you in complete harmony with the land when I met you in Edo castle's garden. Tell me, ojo-san, who are you?"

I looked at him sharply, and met the steady gaze of his dark brown eyes. What was I supposed to do? To keep silent wouldn't change the fact he knew the truth, even if he didn't know what that truth really was. All my life, I had thought the Sight lost, I had thought I would never meet anyone who could feel me for what I was, and since I had come to this strange foreign land, I had met Sakurazuka Sekai, and now this man....

Be true.

I blinked.

There's nothing left to hide.

Nodding to the shadow within me, I faced the stranger in front of me, whose name I didn't even know, and told him, "I am Aislinn O'Donnell, and I am the caretaker of the last horses descending from the line of the Huntress' own steeds. An old tale claims that even before the beginning of my clan one of my ancestors was loved by one of the Faerie Realm. Since that time which has faded from human memory, there has been a shadow in our hearts, both blessing and curse, and it has been passed down from mother to daughter with each generation. Even though it started more than a thousand years ago, faerie blood still flows true in my veins, and makes of me what I am. Half of my heart is human, and the other is...different. Half of my heart is wind, lake and forest...forever yearning for something I can't even name."

"Morigami...." He was smiling, a warm, gentle smile. "I wasn't so far from the truth when I called you so, Aislinn-san."

Perhaps not. But now what? Now that he had his answer, what would he do?

"I understand." The deep brown eyes were earnest, sincere. I looked into them, and didn't see my reflection. Didn't see anything hidden. It was as if he had deliberately left himself wide open, as if.... "I understand the fear clawing at your heart, but I am not your enemy. I swear to you. My name is Sumeragi Kirikaze, and my House's sole purpose of existence has always been to protect this land, to protect its spiritual balance."

Sumeragi...Kirikaze.... My eyes widened in remembrance, and I asked before I could stop myself, "So it was you I saw in the last inn before Edo, it was you who reached out and touched Sreim?"

He looked at me with curiosity, and then chuckled. "You mean that beautiful black stallion I patted on the nose? Yes.... So he was one of the horses in your care?"

I nodded absentmindedly, remembering Sakurazuka Sekai's words.

That one wouldn't harm your horses.

Trust me, none of them would harm a living being.

And Sreim had accepted the touch, he hadn't even tried to warn the stranger away. Then.... I could truly believe Sumeragi Kirikaze's words. I.... I bowed my head, closing my eyes to try and keep the tears from running down my cheeks. I knew the last thing to do was to break down and cry, but somehow the release of the tension inhabiting me and the drink I had taken made it almost impossible to keep the emotions locked within.

Arms enfolded me, cautious of my back.

Gentle.

Warm.

Embracing me like...wings.

A distant part of me wondered how it was I hadn't heard Sumeragi Kirikaze standing up and coming to my side, and sternly reproached me for allowing myself to be so vulnerable. I denied the voice, it was easy. It was so distant, so far away.... Something unnamed rose within, something which was always there and which could never find rest or peace, overwhelming, and my shoulders shook as I tried to keep it back; but this time it was stronger than when I had rested my forehead against the torii in the heart of Edo castle's garden, and I failed. The arms around me hugged me tight, and on instinct I leant my head against Sumeragi Kirikaze's chest. He didn't say anything, as if he knew words would have been useless, and I let go.

For the first time in many years, I truly let go.

Trusting.

Without reason, without logic.

Trusting.

Notes

morigami: that word is entirely made-up, I have no idea whether it exists in Japanese (yes I checked in my kanji dictionary, and didn't find it). With my luck, it does and means something completely different. Ah well ^^;;;; I simply built it on the model of "inugami", dog-"spirit" (for lack of a more adequate term than "spirit"), by associating "mori" which means wood or forest, and "gami" (from the kanji for kami, god). My purpose was to give Kirikaze a word to identify what Aislinn is. Forest-spirit felt adequate to me. Please bear with me if this idea was totally ludicrous ^^;;;;
omachinaisai: another form for "matte"/"wait!", here using what I was taught as being the "plus degree", meaning a polite "please, wait" in contrast with the more familiar "wait!". Perhaps I should have used "matte kudasai" instead of "omachinasai", but here I reach farther beyond my level of incompetence than I usually do. I chose "omachinasai" because I prefer the sound of it to "matte kudasai" 0=).

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