[ Watashi ]

[ Tomodachi ]

[ Saint Seiya ]

[ Clamp ]

[ Fanfiction ]

And here comes the end of this little piece of insanity.

I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. =)
Cendre says thanks, and Cain--well, Cain is Cain. He might agree to an autograph session, if you find a suitable bribe for him ^^;

Fuu-chan.

"Ouch!"

The startled yelp that escaped my lips triggered a burst of happy laughter. Ninya had tugged at a rogue lock of my hair--again. It was a game we had developed between us in the long days that had followed my discovery of her. As always, I looked down at the precious burden I was carrying in my arms, and rolled my eyes at her, which sparked another series of uncontrollable giggles. It seemed the sight of me could be quite funny at times. When her hilarity subsided, the little girl stared up at me while pointing toward the ground. She wanted down. I threw a quick glance at our surroundings--boulders of naked stone and broken pieces of marble columns, empty but for the distant sound of voices that came from the day's last tourists--then gave her a nod and lowered her gently to the rocky floor.

Once I had managed to contact the Graude Foundation, things had unraveled pretty quickly. Official papers--fake, but official nonetheless--had been transferred to the temporary administration in charge of managing what was left of Mars' southern hemisphere through universal data carrier waves, crossing through the empty blackness of space in a fraction of a second.

A very expensive fraction of a second.

Selene hadn't questioned the incredible celerity with which things had moved. She hadn't asked how Ninya's family could be so wealthy and powerful to push the doors of the almighty trans-space connections network and get a first priority access to communications to and from Mars, ahead of the relief organizations, the administration, and the remaining military themselves. It was doubtful that she had taken my wild claim at face value, but the truth of Ninya's parentage had seemed to matter little to her. The small, speechless child clang to me like a hatchling to a mother hen. She had found laughter, a joy that had been locked away, lost deep within until now, and that had been enough for Selene.

It had taken less than a week to go through all the mandatory procedures, then Ninya had been released into my custody as temporary guardian. In the time needed to settle things with Essiah and to rejoin Stella Marineris, a place aboard a shuttle returning to Earth had been found. "It'll be okay," Essiah Jacarande had told me with a weary smile on her lips. "Go, don't worry. Everything is more or less organized now, and our routine is a well-established one. Mars will survive," she had added, her voice underlain with a quiet confidence in what the future would hold. "We'll rebuild, and we'll start anew, now that we have peace." And so I had gone, and left red, withering Mars behind.

The trip to Earth had been an uneventful one, except for the fact that Ninya caught a very weird case of space sickness. She held on to me during the long drift through the endless void of darkness between worlds--shaking all the while, even though there hadn't been any fever. It was only when we had started spiraling down the Earth's gravity well and approached Freedom station, that she had detached herself from me and accepted to open her eyes. At that moment, she had laid a butterfly kiss on my left cheek, as if to thank me for something. Then she had turned her deep purple eyes on me, and she had started mimicking speech. But no words had managed to win through her lips. A grimace had twisted her face then--the only sign of anger I had seen from her--and her shoulders had sagged in defeat.

We had been ushered through customs on Freedom quickly, quietly. There had been another shuttle waiting in the station's outermost coil, specially chartered by the Graude Foundation. It had brought us to Brussels' spaceport, and then we'd been taken to Athens, on the other side of Europe.

To a historical site visited by hundreds of thousands of tourists each year--one of the many cradles of human civilization.

To the last stronghold of a power that had guarded humankind since its beginning.

Diminutive fingers closed around my right hand and pulled, drawing me back to the real world. The light of day had waned, and the sky had painted itself in soft, gentle hues of pale red. Behind us, the voices were gone. The sun was setting, and the site had closed for the night. Again, Ninya pulled at me, and I yielded, stepping forward to keep my balance. As I looked down, I found her staring up at me with a small pout on her lips. "Yes, little one," I nodded at her, and started walking again.

It took us a bit more than a quarter of an hour to reach the limits of the archeological site. Beyond it, a high cliff barred the way, split down the middle as if by some giant's blade. The narrow gorge was full of the falling night's shadows--full of ghosts. I froze at its threshold and stared at the darkness waiting there, holding Ninya's hand tight. There was a cold, cold snake inside me, uncoiling its glistening scales in rasp, dry whispers that vibrated through my bones and enfolded my spine.

Crushing.

Breathing was hard. Painful. Nightmares were reaching out to me from the path of darkness set before us. From very far away, I felt Ninya's hand squeeze mine.

Out of nowhere, the wind had risen.

It enfolded me.

Embraced me.

A snarl came up my throat, even as a shadow detached itself from the narrow passageway leading to the Sanctuary. "Afraid?" there was no mistaking the scorn and contempt in Cain's voice. He went to lean back against the cliff's wall in front of us, one with the dusk. I clenched my teeth, refusing to give him the satisfaction of seeing the gut, animal reaction his presence had triggered within me. With difficulty, I denied the overwhelming urge to back away and focused on him instead--made myself watch him.

There. In the line between elbow and shoulder, the barest of tensions belied the otherwise casual stance. "Hey, what do we have here?" Cain said softly. The yellow eyes were set on Ninya. In a slow motion, he stepped toward us, and set a knee to the ground. "Hello, hatchling." He smiled, a beautiful smile of such warmth and gentleness that I shivered. There was a lump in my throat. I blinked, holding very still and clinging to the mask I had willed to come over my face. All around us, the shadows thickened, rippling with an unreal sound that was the faintest of cackles, dry and muffled--a sound that could neither exist nor have meaning, but which seemed to scorn the flickering lives standing at the center of the unfolding night, and churned my stomach.

Ninya let go of my hand.

The cold snake inside me bit, and its icy poison invaded my heart. Paralyzed me. The mute little Goddess stopped mid-way between Cain and I. She looked at him, then back at me. Clouds had darkened the clear amethyst gaze.

Sorrow.

It struck at me, and I hissed air through my lips.

"I'll take her."

I jerked back, and stared at Cain. "I'll take her," he repeated while he straightened, "to the Sanctuary, if you're too much of a coward to climb up the great Stairs--" the amber eyes glittered with something cold and dark as he added, "if you're willing to entrust me with this little piece of sunshine."

Ninya scampered back to me. From a million lightyears away, I felt her hugging my right leg, right below the knee. I looked into Cain's eyes.

Liquid gold.

Lambent flames.

Molten fire.

"No!" I snarled. Never once taking my eyes from his, I leaned down and took Ninya up in my arms.

Where she would be safe.

Where I could protect her.

I could feel my heart hammering in my chest, sending waves of pain and dizziness through my body, but it was unimportant. Nothing mattered, but Ninya. Cain laughed, a strange, forlorn sound that rebounded on the rocks above us. In my arms, Ninya held out a hand toward him, fingers outstretched, and pulled at me. Reflexively, I stepped forward, and as I reached Cain's level, she reached out to him. He stared at her, eyes wide, and then caught her small hand in his right.

Shying away from her.

Looking away, but not before I could catch a glimpse of a wavering light fogging his eyes.

"No, little one," he said in an almost inaudible whisper. Then he pivoted and entered the gorge, which was now drowning in absolute darkness. "Follow me," he said from above his shoulder, his voice toneless.

Empty.

There were tears in Taka's eyes.

I saw them sparkling in her dark blue gaze when she went down on one knee to salute the Goddess she was pledged to. "Oh, stand!" Cain snorted even as Ninya pulled at me, leaning down toward the Leo Gold Saint from her place in my arms in a dangerous fashion, her left hand outstretched. "She's just a little girl. Give her a chance to be a child and to grow up before you start going all bigotish and worshipping around her."

"Yeah, I love you too, Gemini," Taka snapped back at him with the faintest trace of laughter in her voice. "Next time, I'll be gentler when kicking your ass for you." As her scornful words faded into the stones of the House of Leo, Taka straightened, and smiled at Ninya. "Be welcome, little one. We're so happy you've come back." Cain blew air through his nostrils in mock outrage, then made for the exit of the House.

Outside, night had fallen. It had been dark for a while, dark enough to smother the Sanctuary's shadows even before we had reached the first House--even before we had stepped into a place that I had refused to feel or acknowledge. I had made myself blind and deaf when we had walked through the main hall of the Aries temple and, thanks to some kind god, Cain had held his peace and hadn't tried to slow us down.

It had been a strange walk through the empty Houses up to Taka's home--lonely, except for the House of Gemini. Ninya had drawn me to one of the columns on its parvis, and she had reached out to pat the ancient marble with a small smile. For the time of a heartbeat, I had thought to feel the House sigh in response. Cain--Cain, had given her a brief, unreadable look, and the ghost of a smile had twisted the corners of his mouth even as he had stepped inside. The sensation inside that House hadn't been one of loneliness, it had been a strange mixture of resignation and expectation.

A wave of light flickered above us--the long golden strands of Raziel's hair flown by stray gust of wind. The Virgo Saint was waiting for us by the next small temple's entrance. In a smooth, elegant motion she pivoted to let us through with a slight bow and a mysterious, knowing smile hovering on her lips. We continued our slow ascent along the great Stairs, traversing empty Houses until we reached the last of them, where Shiva was waiting. There was no exchange of words between us, but somehow I managed to force a smile to my lips.

Shiva was my friend.

Shiva had been true to what he had told me.

Shiva was the only one who had never betrayed me.

The Pisces Saint bowed his head in a brisk, jerking motion, then he led us out of his House, to the last part of our long walk. As we left the protection of the small temple's roof, Ninya gave me a brief hug and then pushed at my left arm, wanting down. Beside me, Shiva nodded in silence, and I lowered my small charge to the ground. Taking my eyes off her for a moment, I stole a glance toward Shiva. The light in my friend's gaze was a dull, lifeless one. On impulse, I reached out to him and rested a hand on his left shoulder. Almost imperceptibly he started, then closed a hand over mine and squeezed--the pressure of his fingers so fierce that it was bound to leave bruises. He was trembling. Reluctantly a crooked smile crept up his lips and flames returned to the grey eyes that sparkled with unshed tears.

Before us, the little girl took a few slow, quasi reverent steps forward, and then twirled, her arms outstretched. Her movements slow and flowing, she started dancing in a field of roses, basking in starlight.

Shiva's garden, the last defense of Athena's temple.

A light breeze glided past us, coming from the sea far below, and caught hundreds of petals in its folds--fragile, beautiful butterfly wings which joined Ninya's silent dance.

Waltzed with her.

Celebrated her.

We watched the magical tableau during what could have been mere seconds or an eternity, then the gentle wind went away, taking the petals along with it. Ninya stared at the valley to our left, as if she could see the wind gliding through it, then she started up the last portion of the great Stairs with a spring in her steps.

Gabriel was waiting behind the great double doors. They sent a creaking echo throughout the ceremonial chambers when we opened them. The head of our order, Representative of the Goddess Athena on Earth, stood up in a strangely reluctant motion. His utterly black eyes were set on me as he came toward us--on me, not on Ninya. The little girl went to his side and reached out, encircling an arm around his right knee. Gabriel's hand tousled her hair in an easy, familiar gesture. It was as if Ninya had always been here, had always been close to him.

"You found her," Gabriel said at last, unable to completely mask the slightest trembling in his voice. "So it was true."

I looked at Ninya, who was still holding on to him as if he were her father, and felt something that was half-smile, half-snarl twist my mouth. "I found her," I nodded, "in the rubbles and ruins of the war. She doesn't talk," I added in a quiet whisper. "Nobody knows what she went through or whether she can ever heal. I brought her to you because I know you'll take care of her, and because," the words hurt as they came through my lips, but I willed my voice to be steady as I said, "you'll love her and give her much more than I can ever hope to do." I drew in a deep breath, then started to turn around. "Now that my part in this is over, I'll go, and get back where I belong."

Ninya whirled around, and her purple eyes met mine.

Wide.

Uncomprehending.

I looked away, unable to sustain her gaze, and walked out of the chambers.

"Wait!"

I didn't listen. I didn't hear Gabriel's voice rising in the great hall.

Sparks.

Flames.

I swayed under the assault of the burning wave of light. "You can't go, Cendre." Gabriel's voice was coming from far, far away. "Surely you understand that, after bringing her here, knowing her, being touched by--"

"I'm dead, Gabriel," I retorted in a tone just a bit too high to pretend there wasn't even the smallest hint of hysteria in it. "Ashes, and ashes are free to go where they please. You told me so yourself." I was trembling.

"Damn you, Cendre!" Something like fury had colored Gabriel's voice--tainted with more than a bit of anguish. "You're not, and you know it! You can't go into the world, not like--"

"Lies!" I yelled. "You lie! There's nothing--" my voice was shaking, and a dark, dark thing was clawing at my heart, "nothing left of me! I know! I know I burnt! I burnt until the stars died!" I ran.

I fled, hounded by a monster that had no name.

Light.

A torrent of flames.

It would burn me. It would scorch everything in its path and leave only ashes. No. Not again--never again! There was no thought within, just an all-encompassing pain that ravaged my soul--and madness. I whirled around, and *pushed* the fire back. I snarled at it, I clawed at it and struck at it. I struck, until I lost all sense of self and sank into an abyss of blackness set at the core of my being. When that gaping maw closed its jaws upon me, I screamed.

Light.

Small, gentle candle flame.

Faint starlight that shooed the darkness away.

A muffled sob cut through the deep, heavy silence that had engulfed the ceremonial chambers, coming from me. There was a Wall between me and Gabriel--a glistening Wall of Crystal which was holding his Fire at bay. A Wall in which waves of starlight and moonlight were gliding in endless streams of power. I stared at it, my vision blurred by the distant, absurd pain of tears. I stared at it, and felt its song resonate deep within. Beyond it, Gabriel released his own hold on Fire, and bowed his head.

Still holding his leg, a little girl was looking at me, her amethyst gaze veiled with tears. She had been crying; the traces of moisture on her cheeks were unmistakable.

Before me, the shining Wall dissolved into nothingness.

Blown out as easily as a candle.

"You can't go, Cendre," Gabriel said between clenched teeth, his head still bowed, "I can't let you." He stared up at me. "Not in the state of mind you're in. Not now," he gave a shake of his head, "not until you've had time to absorb the shock, and we've helped you through it."

No.

I looked down at my hands, and hugged myself when I saw that they were shaking. This didn't make sense. That spark waiting behind the abyss, those flames--they were a lie. An illusion. A trick to manipulate me, they weren't really there, they--

"Enough, Gabriel!" a shadow that was also the wind growled, even as it came to my side. "He can't hear you. It's not stupid, empty words he needs!" The wind was angry, furious even.

Frightened.

How could it be so? How could the wind feel fear, feel anything at all? How could it be anything other than indifferent and haughty? Abruptly it touched me. I started as I felt fingers close around my left forearm in a vise-like grip.

Grey hair.

Cain. Cain was the wind. I flung myself away, but he held me back. Amber eyes met mine, and he said in a low whisper that sent shivers up my spine, "You're coming with me, Cendre, and you're coming now, whether you want to or not."

I didn't want to.

I wanted to fight him, to win free of the harsh, terrible wind that he was--to hide in the dark forever, to give my heart to famished, agonizing Mars so it could devour it. But I remembered.

I remembered the wind enfolding me, ever so gently.

Laughing wind.

Strong and true.

That alone wasn't enough, but there was something else--words.

Words.

Liquid black.

They were here still, woven to my soul, waiting. Poised to engulf me within the time of a heartbeat. There was no fighting them, I knew. I had tried. There was no escaping them, no matter that I'd have thrown my life in the balance. He wouldn't let me die. So I let him pull me away from the ceremonial chambers.

Broken doll without will or soul.

Cain dragged me through endless, dimly lit corridors--a somber wind before whom the small lights of candles shied away, sending quivering shadows dancing on the ancient stone walls. We went down, but not enough to reach the places below the ground where only despair awaited, and then up. The echoes of our steps rippled through the silence and spooked the ghosts haunting these empty sections of the temple of Athena, which were used to dust-gathering serenity and unbroken timelessness.

The guests' quarters. Something in my brain that could still hold the semblance of coherent thoughts recognized the place we had come to. The guests' quarters, unused since mythological times, when the gods still walked the world and sometimes felt the whimsical urge to talk to one another face to face--not the prison cells below. That realization loosened something inside me which had curled itself into a little ball of dread and despair. I dragged in a breath, and in the same time Cain stopped before a door. For a moment, he fumbled in the pocket of the long-sleeved shirt he was wearing, then he gave up with a muttered curse and pushed the door open.

I went in, since that was obviously what was required of me. The room I stepped into was wide and spacious. There was a bed on the far side, next to a window that faced west and allowed the moonlight to illuminate the place. There were also a wardrobe and several other cupboards, and an old hearth of stone. All in all, it was quite a luxury place as standards went in the Sanctuary, but it hadn't been used in a very long time, and the atmosphere in it was chilly. I shivered, throwing a quick glance toward the hearth. Firewood had even been left prepared in it, ready to be used by an unexpected guest. Again I shivered, bringing my right hand up to rub against my arm in a reflexive gesture.

Behind me, Cain closed the door, but didn't bother to lock it. It wasn't as if there would have been any purpose to do that--as if I could escape. On impulse, I walked over to the bed and sat down on it, wishing I could close my eyes and unravel the threads of Time.

Unmake what had happened.

Un-write the life I had been given.

Erase my name from the web woven by the Fates.

The silence was broken by Cain rummaging through a drawer, then I heard a sound like that of water flowing. "Here," he said, coming to stand before me and holding out a glass of something that had the color of his eyes.

Amber.

I looked at the slowly revolving liquid. Embers. I smiled. There were words and flames colliding inside me, battering at my bones, rolling like black, gigantic waves on an ocean during the worst of winter storms. They were howling insane, inarticulate cries, demanding that I free them from the prison of my soul.

"You don't have to drink it, just tell me if you don't want it," Cain sighed, an ethereal sound that didn't make sense. "I'd hate to let it go to waste."

Beautiful golden liquid, that was like a late afternoon sun. I blinked, and somehow managed to refocus on the offered glass. Without a word, I took it and raised it to the level of my eyes. It was Metaxa--low quality Metaxa from the darker hues of undercurrents that traversed it when I revolved the glass before me in slow, gentle motions. Yes, low quality Metaxa, such as the one found in the unsavory suburbs of Athens--at the Mad Cat. That name echoed within, winning through chaos.

Springing out of the bottomless abyss of a life that was past and gone.

Out of my reach.

Forever.

I brought the glass to my lips and gulped its contents down in a long swallow. Fire rolled down my throat to meet the scorching flames inside. I watched them clash and recoil and dance together, and laughed. Squatting close to the hearth, Cain glanced at me from above his shoulder, but didn't say anything. I set the glass down on the bed--too close to its edge. It fell to the floor, raising a ringing echo, but it didn't break. Somehow, I found that extremely disappointing.

There was a muffled crack, and then another. And another. In the same time, faint hints of warmth brushed past me, accompanied by sparks that weren't moonlight. Cain was lighting a fire in the old hearth.

A fire.

Flames, borne by the wind that he was, reaching out to me.

Gentle warmth.

A lie.

The most terrible, most painful of lies.

I crept back on the bed until I hit the wall of stone. Cold--it was cold. I brought my knees up against my chest and hugged them tight, bowing my head so that I could rest my brow against them.

So that all I could see was blackness.

Not him.

Not the traitorous wind.

I swallowed back the sobs rising up my throat, and hugged my knees tighter.

"I didn't bring you here so I could watch you sink into self-imposed despair." I clutched at my knees, willing the voice to go away. "Talk to me, Cendre." The mattress sank a bit as he sat down beside me. The air crawling in and out of my lungs was white-hot. Burning.

"You're wasting your time," I whispered, focusing on darkness. "I can't deal with this--I can't!"

He snorted. "Lies. You've lived through something so heinous and horrible that it'd have broken most of us in an irremediable fashion. You found the will then, you'll find it again. You just need to rest, but the strength is there, in your wretched, stubborn carcass. You'll cope with reality and adjust, and we both know it." There had been something beside anger in the voice, something powerful and deep. I clamped my jaws shut, refusing to listen.

I just wanted silence.

I just wanted the dark.

Fingers clasped a handful of my hair--and gave a harsh pull, lifting my head up by force. In a lightning quick motion, he let go of my hair and cupped my chin in an iron grip, forcing me to look at him. "Truth," he hissed, "now!"

The amber eyes filled my field of vision.

I fell in them.

I sank.

Gold replaced the darkness, tearing away the layers of insanity one by one. "You." The word was snatched out of me, stolen. I tried to look away to free myself before it was too late, but he tightened his grip, sending small waves of pain through my neck and my skull. The yellow eyes were still set on me, unwavering.

Merciless.

"You," I repeated in a broken voice. "I can't deal with the reality of you."

"Ah." He let go of me, then, his victory won, and I jerked away. "I see," he added in a very quiet whisper. Again, I saw him reach out to me from the corner of an eye. I felt the slightest trembling in my chin as I sucked air inside my lungs. I couldn't run away. If I tried, he'd push me back against the walls of blackness set at the core of my soul. The fingertips of his right hand brushed against my cheek, and with his thumb he wiped away tears that had spilled from my eyes. "You're not going mad," he told me in that same, eerily quiet voice. "I won't let you." Then, in a slow, deliberate movement, he brought me against him.

I stiffened, every muscle in my body taut, rigid. Before I could shove him away, warmth enfolded me.

Gentle.

A golden light that was that of his eyes and of his heart.

His cosmo, which unfolded around him and cloaked me in a mantle of sunlight. As it touched me, I shivered feverishly. I couldn't--couldn't feel this! I gasped for air like a swimmer about to drown, but found only bright, scorching Fire.

Him.

Me.

Everywhere.

"Let go," he whispered in my ear.

"Can't!" I sobbed. "I can't, or I'll fall!"

Soft laughter embraced me. "Then fall, you fool. I'm here for you. I'll always be."

I did. There was no denying the wind--not when it held me close and shielded me, not when it chased the walls of darkness away.

Not when it dispersed the liquid black words that had fettered my spirit and imprisoned me--not when it reduced them to harmless whispers of morning dew.

I fell, and the wind fell with me. The flames within scorched me--scorched the wind. They tore me apart and hurt it, shredded its golden sails, but it never let go. It held me when I howled the pain that it shared with me. It held me through madness and despair and death. It held me when I lashed out at it, unaware of who or what it was, lost in the chaos of memories. It held me when I clawed at it in desperate attempts to escape the abyss opening beneath my feet. It held me when something that tasted like blood filled my mouth as I sunk my teeth into emptiness in an instinctive, animal reflex to save my pitiful, tattered self.

I fell, and the wind held me through it all--until Fire at last gave way and I could feel the wind's tender caress in my hair. True to its word, it held me, and I closed my eyes.

The weight on my body was a small, comfortable one. It was warm, and soft, and safe. I could have drifted like this for an eternity, shielded by it--by a warmth that enfolded me whole--but for the dull ache in my neck and my shoulders. Reluctantly I allowed myself to be drawn out of a sea of floating dreams. I must have rested my head against something just a bit too hard, and the articulations in my neck and shoulders had started to stiffen with the passing of time. Yes, that had to be it.

Touch.

From the other end of the night, I felt it, and reached out to the sensation. Fingers were running through my hair, gentle, careful, and combing it in slow, patient motions.

Caress.

Sweet.

Endless.

I laid very still as memories and awareness of my surroundings returned in ebbing waves of silver. I was lying on my left side, in the bed of a room set in the temple of Athena's guest quarters. A blanket had been spread over me, and my head was resting in someone's lap--Cain's lap. Eyes closed, I willed my heartbeats to steady, but still, for a fraction of a second, the hand stroking my hair paused.

Then it resumed its gentle combing of my hair.

Focusing on his touch, on the rough fabric of his pants against my cheek, I clutched at what wasn't the bed's edge but his knee with my right hand, but he didn't react this time.

Pretending.

I breathed in the scent of him, of the wind, and wished this could go on for an eternity--that we could pretend dawn had never risen.

That the night wouldn't end, during which insane, absurd things could be felt, and senseless words be said.

Above me, Cain let out a small sigh, and his hand left my hair to rest over my shoulder and give it a gentle squeeze. "Up," he said. I opened my eyes, and smiled at the embers still glowing in the hearth on the other side of the room. It must have hurt to spend the night like that, holding me and allowing himself to be used as a pillow. Cramps must be plaguing him, an awful lot of them, and sleep must have made itself scarce. Before my eyes, the image of the pale red embers blurred.

A small grimace twisted my lips when I stood up, and I brought a hand up to the base of my neck, feeling for the crook of my left shoulder and finding knots there. "I think you're through the worst of it," Cain said from behind me, and I nodded without looking back. "Gabriel dropped by less than an hour ago. He said that once I judged it safe, I should send you to him." Cain's voice was calm, emotionless.

So. I smiled as I took a glance out the window. The sun had risen over this part of the world, and dispersed illusions and dreams. I focused on the ache in my neck, on the pressure my fingers had to apply to release the strain on the stiffened muscles. There. With another nod, I stepped toward the door and left the room, never once turning back toward Cain. The smile upon my lips trembled and dissolved into a shaking sigh when I closed the door behind me. For a moment, I leaned back against the wooden frame, tilting my head back and resting it against the door, then I blinked and went on my way.

Gabriel wasn't hard to find. Before I could start searching the temple, he came from a corridor on my left, as if he had been the one looking for me and not the other way around. I watched him step toward me, and noticed the drawn lines on his face. It looked like he hadn't gotten much sleep during the night.

"You feel almost whole," he told me by way of greeting. "It seems that indulging Cain's whims didn't lead to disaster this time," he added with a wry smile.

"I didn't go mad, and I didn't bring this whole place down in the process, if that's what you mean," I replied without a trace of amenity in my voice. "What do you want?"

A shadow flickered in Gabriel's dark gaze and his shoulders sagged, almost imperceptibly. "Walk with me, if you will," he whispered, stepping to my side and then beyond--toward the outside of the temple and bright, stark daylight.

I didn't particularly feel like it--what I felt like was breakfast and a lot of Metaxa to warp reality enough so I could go back to that moment of moonlight and ridiculous warmth. Still, I followed after Gabriel, out of habit and because the only Metaxa I was likely to find in the Sanctuary was back with Cain. I had to shield my eyes when we reached the edge of the great Stairs. Clouds had claimed the sky, but there were holes in them that allowed the sun to shine through--windows opened on immortal flames. The sun's rays splashed the distant sea in glittering patches of sapphire.

It was beautiful, so beautiful it took the breath away.

As I had feared he would, Gabriel started down the Stairs. I knew where he was leading me, of course. It was logical; I understood that he must settle this once and for all, but things couldn't be--weren't as simple as that. I didn't want to confront the future, not yet.

Maybe not ever.

Yet I went down the Stairs with him, travsering the Houses--empty, all of them, which was just as well. It was only when the last one was in sight that Gabriel broke the heavy silence. "Ninya slept soundly last night, once..." he paused for a moment, as if struggling to find the right words, "once the high flames of your cosmo abated and you found rest."

Ninya, not "Athena." Not "the Goddess." It was the way she had appeared to me, the way I knew her and felt her inside. Gabriel's words were no random choice. He left nothing to chance, not if he could help it. I drew in a deep breath.

"Is she why you didn't kill me--why you and Cain did..." my hands closed into tight fists at my sides while I forced the painful words through my lips, "that to me?" I couldn't voice out the truth of events past, of tumbling down an abyss of scorching fire which had set the stars within ablaze and consumed them, until at last they had waned out and died, reduced to colorless ashes.

Gabriel stared at the small temple ahead, unblinking. "I locked you away from yourself and crippled you," he said at last. "Cain," he sighed, "restrained you. He tied you to earth and stone, and kept as much of the madness at bay as he could when it came. Goddess," he shook his head, a thin, humorless smile coming to his lips as he added, "I thought he'd skin me alive when I pushed open the door to check on the both of you this morning. If I had tried to wake you, he would have," he scoffed, an empty, unhappy sound that faded quickly around us.

It wasn't what I had asked him. "Are answers so hard, Gabriel?" I told him, my voice tainted with scorn and pain, "harder than questions and actions themselves?" He froze.

"They always are," he replied softly. In a slow motion, he pivoted toward me. "Star Hill is a place of confusion at best, and a place of despair at worst, of nightmares and damnation. There was only one thing I was certain of." The black eyes were set on me, intent. "The Goddess Athena is born in times of chaos, when wars threaten the humanity she cherishes. There was a possibility she was waiting, trapped in the heart of the horrible conflict on Mars. But it was a small, distant hope I dared not believe in." He gave a sharp, single shake of his head, then bit his lower lip and said, "I condemned you to that living death because it was the only choice I had. I didn't want to kill you, I refused that. You're Aries," he shrugged, "I'm sure you're sharp enough to understand that what I told you is the truth. I needed you alive, and yet I couldn't let you go into the world as you were. I couldn't hold you prisoner here either--not with the powers you have."

Aries--of course. And Gabriel was right, it was a reason powerful enough to push him to the extremity of ripping my cosmo away from me--a thing so heinous that no Representative of the Goddess had ever even considered resorting to it. But I was Aries, and mine was the power to touch the Cloths, to heal them and breathe life into them. Mine alone. Yes, Gabriel needed me, and he'd have paid any price to keep me alive.

Even that one.

"I had to ask you," he continued, even as the beginnings of a snarl twisted my lips in answer to the truth assaulting my heart, "I had to be certain you were still set on stopping their war. The balance had come within a hairwidth of breaking. If you had been allowed to interfere again, there would have been no walking back from chaos."

"I know!" I hissed between clenched teeth, fighting to send my memories of Mars back to the shadows of my mind.

"Yes, you do now," Gabriel nodded at me, "otherwise the lock within you wouldn't have released its hold, and you'd never have found Ninya. It's a terrible, cruel lesson to learn." He bowed his head, and hugged himself. "We have no right to impose our will or our vision of things on them, no matter how fair-minded we can be. None."

"I just wanted this nightmare to end," I said in a voice carefully devoid of emotions. Slowly I sat down on the steps of stone, laying the palm of my left hand flat on their smooth, cool surface. "I didn't want to snatch their lives away from them or to direct what those lives should be. I simply wanted to open a door they seemed unable to unlock themselves." And that had led to a black cascade of deaths and grief. In a way, I had started a chain of events which had led to peace, but the price for that--it wasn't worth paying, not when it meant the horror of gravitation bombs desecrating Mars' southern hemisphere and crushing the colonists' settlements into nothingness. Not when it meant the rebels lashing out blindly in despair and unleashing death on innocent people in the Earth-owned mines. "Even that was too much," I finished, my voice reduced to a rasp whisper.

And yet to do more than that--

"Once you start down the path of intervention," Gabriel's distant voice interrupted my train of thought, "you must go all the way. There is no half-measure, no half-commitment. You must assume responsibility for everything that ensues, every consequence, foreseen or not. Down that road, tyranny awaits. Oh, it can be avoided!" he laughed, "Theoretically. But human beings are not variables in an equations or hypothesizes in a theory. Intervention has almost always led to the same thing in human history, no matter what guise it wore to dissemble itself." Gabriel stepped down the Stairs and reached out to me. His right hand pressed my right shoulder. I understand, the gesture meant, I understand even though it could never be allowed to happen. Then he resumed his descent, and I stood up.

Following after him when he entered the shadows of the House of Aries.

Refusing to freeze in my steps like a frantic thing inside me wanted me to.

I didn't look around. I didn't even glance at a place whose every inch was a part of me--had been a part of me. It didn't take us more than a minute to reach the central room, where Gabriel came to a stop. "Here," he said, pointing toward a shadow darker than the others, set at the center of the room. The heart of the House. "She's been waiting for you."

Not a shadow. Oh no, never a shadow. I froze, my heart hammering in my chest, its frantic beatings eclipsing every other sound. I had known what this was leading up to. I had known it in the instant that Gabriel had started down the great Stairs. And yet, when a soft, painfully sweet note of music vibrated through my being, when light spilled forth from the golden case and reached out to me in ethereal tendrils of dawn, I balked.

"No," I whispered, taking a step back and fighting down a whirlwind of ice within that was panic. "No," I repeated in a blanched voice, shaking my head. I snatched my right arm away when the gentle thread of light started to coil up to it.

"She's yours, and you're hers. The bond uniting you to your Cloth was never broken, Cendre." Gabriel's words echoed in the hall.

Ghosts.

"It's true," he went on, biting his lower lip. "I swear to you, Cendre. I'm not lying to you."

I knew, and then I didn't.

The living being reaching out to me, yearning for me as I had yearned for her in the throes of madness and nightmares--she was a part of me. No longer was. She had abandoned me. She had judged me. She had condemned me.

And I had deserved her severing herself from me.

"No!" I hissed, and I whirled around, unable to face the Cloth that had been mine a moment longer. "I can't do this, Gabriel. I can't. I can't confront Aries. You can't ask that of me!"

"Cendre--"

"Don't touch me!" I snarled, gathering raw Fire to me as he was about to close a hand over my left arm to hold me back. I was a heartbeat away from chaos.

"I won't. Listen to me," he pleaded, desperation plain in the tone of his voice, "please. You're Aries, you never really ceased to be. The power of your heart was removed from your reach--never destroyed. I know you felt that it was burnt out of you, but no power can achieve that without killing. Your Cloth left you, and waited. Now she accepts you again, for the same reason you managed to again touch the stars within: because you met the condition I set for the fetters upon your soul to be released. You're one of us, Cendre, and I want you to retake your rightful place in the Sanctuary."

No.

I dragged in a shuddering breath, and managed to find sounds and to force words through my lips. "No, Gabriel--at least, not now. Not yet. Perhaps never. There are seeds of madness inside me. I don't know if they'll ever let me rest, I--"

"There is no leaving the Sanctuary, not for you," he said in a dead voice, "not like this. Not until you've found yourself again."

"I know!" I shouted the two words, I screamed them to this House which had been home and more, and now felt like a threatening, alien place. Then I walked away in brisk strides. It was all I could do not to run.

Gabriel let me go in silence, while behind me the light that had been a part of myself cried out in grief, its ethereal keen engulfing my spirit.

There was a reassuring sound filling the air.

Familiar.

The quiet song of water splashing over stones and cascading its way down in an eternal quest for the sea. I stopped in my tracks, and focused on the feeling of the north-western wind taking in my hair and fooling around with it despite the braid. My steps had led me close to the pool of clear waters formed by the small river flowing along the great Stairs, all the way from the altar of Athena. It was a safe place, a place of happy memories and laughter--of a time when I had been a prankish, carefree apprentice. On impulse, I walked toward it.

I took off my shoes, and sat down on the stones, dipping my feet in the water. As cold seeped within, I shivered and focused on that sensation. Slowly, reluctantly, the raw memories of my confrontation with the Gold Cloth who had once given me a name and defined me loosened their hold over me. I had told Gabriel the truth: I couldn't face this other half of myself. I had thought I was ready for that; I wouldn't have followed him to the House of Aries otherwise. But the truth had slapped me full in the face when I had felt the Aries Gold Cloth reach out to me.

Enfold me.

Its pain when I had denied her was my pain. It tore at me, but it was better than facing the nameless things waiting where the Fire was lying in my heart. Far better.

My reflection in the pool was blurred, troubled by the stream that pulled the water further down. I smiled at it--a grotesque grimace in that distorting mirror, vaguely frightening. Sunlight splashed the scene, all of a sudden, and I looked up to see that the wind had cleared the sky of clouds. For a moment, I watched the rays covering my right hand in a glove of warmth, then on a whim I stepped into the small pool.

It wasn't deep; it barely reached my ankles. The rocky bottom sloped gently down, to reach man-height only in a small area right beneath the cascade on the other side. Getting drenched in icy cold water was absurdly appealing for some reason. With a smile, I started toward the waterfall.

"Now, that's one really stupid idea!"

I whirled around, to see Cain coming to a stop on the edge of the pool. "Care to get out of there before you catch a cold or worse?" he grinned at me, holding out his right hand.

I looked into the amber eyes, my heart in my throat. "What are you doing here?" I managed to ask him at last. My voice was shaking, ever so slightly, but that was just the cold settling in.

He gave a shrug. "Taking an early morning stroll. Are you coming out on your own, or must I go and get you, and get miserably cold in the process?" His tone was plaintive and mocking at the same time. This didn't make sense, unless-- I stepped out of the water, ignoring his proffered hand, and went to sit on a nearby rock.

"Did Gabriel ask you to do this?" I asked him in an even voice, staring out at the horizon and the clouds that had started gathering in the sky once again. Behind me, Cain hissed between his teeth.

"He might have." I smiled at that. "You're enjoying this, aren't you?" he spat.

I had to laugh. "No. I'm not you. I don't play games. In fact, I'm sick of them, I'm through with illusions and masks. Gabriel's last surprise wore out what little patience I had with them. So you'll excuse me if I'm blunt, but I don't see a logical explanation to your presence here."

There were steps, quick and nervous as he came to stand beside me. "Do you have short-term memory problems?" Scorn was dripping from his words.

"No," I whispered back, focusing on holding myself together as whiffs of touch and warmth washed over me, summoned to the fore of my mind in spite of my best efforts to keep a tight rein on them. "I remember the sounds and the words well enough. What I don't know is whether they were supposed to have a meaning." It hurt to say this. It was cruel and harsh and dark, as much so as the things lurking in the shadows of my soul.

The silence stretched on between us, and for a moment I thought he had gone. "What if they weren't?"

Challenge.

Pain.

He had echoed my challenge back to me, but that was futile. Denying the cold, rolling thing coiling and uncoiling in my insides, I stood up from my seat. "Then I'll find a way to smother this cursed light inside me. I'll find a way to lock it away for good. And I'll go."

Fingers closed around my left elbow and he pulled me roughly against him. "Damn you!" he snarled, forcing me to face him. "Word, words, words!" He gave a wild shake of his head. "Words are nothing, Cendre! They're not enough, they can never be enough! Requiring them of me is meaningless!" The amber eyes were stormy. "If you won't commit yourself, if you won't trust me, then nothing can gain sense or substance, and words won't change a thing!"

A commitment?

So this was what it was about? He wanted me to trust him, blindly, like the fool I had been when he had toyed with me and-- I laughed at him and grasped his shoulders, shoving him aside and not giving a damn that I tore his shirt open in the process.

Angry red curve on his right shoulder--a wound.

Marks deep in his skin.

Still raw.

So deep in the tender flesh between shoulder and collarbone that they must have drawn blood, a lot of it, and hurt like hell.

Teeth marks.

I froze, and stared at them. "Are these...?" My blanched whisper seemed to come from very far away.

A taste of iron in my mouth.

Blood filling my senses when I had lashed out, bitten--

"Yeah." His hands clasped my arms, and he steadied me as I swayed. Then he reached out to me and brushed an unruly lock of hair away from my face. "I figured it was a fair bargain price if I could get you in bed in return," he sighed.

No. A smile came to my lips, unbidden, even as pain sweet as lavender honey overwhelmed me and burnt my eyes. No, that wasn't it. That was--I bowed my head, and kissed the marks I had left in his flesh. There was a sharp intake of breath, coming from him, and he crushed me against him. He was holding me so tight that it hurt and would leave really bad bruises, but that was unimportant. When I felt him trembling against me, I closed my arms around him, realizing.

He was just as terrified as I was.

Broken laughter escaped me, and dissolved into sobs and hiccups. There was no denying the tears, not this time. One of his hands rubbed my back in slow, circling motions, while the other stroke my hair.

Gently.

I cried in his arms. Unashamedly I wept, until the tears ran dry, then I looked up at him. My heart did a painful lurch in my chest, even as words tumbled from my lips. "I love you, Cain," I told him, a thing as simple and true as basking in starlight--as achingly magical also.

"About time," he muttered, and then he kissed me--a soft, tender kiss which ended in gentle laughter. "There's a lot I need to teach you," he whispered in my left ear, teasing words which made my blood tingle. Eyes closed, I focused on the sensation of his body pressed against mine.

I heaved out a sigh when he sank the fingers of his left hand in my hair and gave a gentle, not quite controlled tug on it. Entangling my own fingers in the short strands of his silky soft grey hair, I tried to stifle the faintest of gasps as he nipped at my earlobe and then laid featherlight kisses down my throat.

All of a sudden, he chuckled.

"What?!" I blinked.

He took a step back, then flashed an impish grin my way. "I was thinking that making love to you with all that hair should prove rather interesting." I must have flushed beet red, because he burst out laughing. Then he sobered. "Your braid has almost completely come undone," he said softly. "Will you let me?"

I stared at him steadily. I looked into the amber eyes, and didn't find my reflection in them. He knew what it was he was asking. My hair was Master Atalante's, always had been, and Shiva--was my brother in everything but blood. But Cain was the wind, and she would have approved. So I nodded at him, silent, and sat down on the same stone I had used as a seat just a short while ago. A smile came to my lips when I heard him kneel behind me and when I felt him start undoing the thick, and now very much tangled braid in ginger, awkward movements. He'd get used to it quickly enough.

Halfway into the job, he sighed. "This is lame. Horribly lame, but," he sighed again. "I love you, Cendre. Stars and moon," he breathed, "I love you." I blinked, holding very still, then fell back against him, which drew a vile curse out of him. "Shit! Look what you made me do! I'll have to start it all over again!"

I laughed at him, and wrapped my arms around him, leaning my head against his chest--feeling the fabric of his shirt against my left cheek. "Then you'll start over. It doesn't matter. Hold me," I smiled. "You see, I can also be frighteningly lame."

He snorted, but didn't deign to comment. And of course, he obeyed. I could only hope that nobody would stumble upon us embracing like the worst cliches of cheap romance fiction, because if that ever happened--

Well, we could always vaporize any witnesses.

End.

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