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Peace is Only for Fools - End

A Saint Seiya x Tokyo Babylon fanfiction by Ariane Kovacevic, AKA Fuu-chan.





The wind howled, coming from the sea. I walked down the small alley, and found at last the place I had been looking for. There were fresh flowers all over the funeral stone, all white. It had been almost two months since her death, but still the beautiful blossoms covered her grave. Slowly, I knelt down and fixed the dates written on the marble. She had only been seventeen years old. I bowed my head and whispered :

"Forgive me Nami-chan... I am certainly the last person you'd want to see... But I had to come..."

My fingertips rested lightly on the cold stone.

"I want you to know that you will live in my heart forever... As long as I live, I will know no peace or rest. If my life could be given in exchange for yours, I would gladly die..."

During an instant, I wished to have Hades' power again, but only during a moment. Her death was my fault, my responsability, as Sakurazukamori had said. And my sorrow and my guilt were a small price to pay, compared to what had happened. I fixed the tomb during a long time, unmoving, unable to express all the things I felt. Eventually, I got up and looked at the dark clouds rapidly moving in the sky. My vision got blurred as I saw my gentle friend laughing in the kitchen of the restaurant, teasing me mercilessly and half supporting me to Sakurazukamori's appartement.

"Fare well, Nami-chan."

I turned around, and the wind took away my tears.

I went out of the cemetery and walked to the edge of the high cliff. The ocean was hurling its waves furiously upon the rock. I shivered, and thought I should have taken a coat. The weather was not very good. A seagull cried, passing over my head and I watched it slowly vanish in the horizon. I sighed. I didn't understand why I was alive.

I had woken up in a hospital room, unable to remember what had happened after the death of the cherry tree. The death of the living prison in which generation after generation of Sakurazukamori had hidden their humanity... The doctors had told me I was incredibly lucky my spine hadn't been crushed and that only two ribs had piecred through my left lung... I laughed bitterly. The last thing I had wished was to live. I had expected Death, and even welcomed it... But somehow I hadn't been granted that right. Before coming here, I had gone to the appartement, but I had found it empty.

I looked at the sky and smiled sadly, wondering what I was doing on this world, feeling I didn't belong, wondering... If I would have the courage to advance a few steps further and put an end to this once and for all. I tensed abruptly, feeling a presence very close, a familiar presence. I shut off my fear and sighed, unwilling to turn around.

"Go ahead. Take my life, I won't lift a finger against you..."

There was a long silence, and then :

"I have no intention of killing you, Shun."

Reluctantly, I faced him. He had discarded his eternal sunglasses and wore a long raincoat flying with the wind. I ignored the fear and the sharp pain in my heart, asking him :

"And why is that ?"

He smiled, both softly and infinitely sadly.

"Because you won the bet Shun."

I shook my head.

"I won nothing. I never agreed to any bet with you."

He looked at the sky.

"You are the one Subaru-kun chose... And you have forced me to feel. Your soul bears Subaru-kun's mark, and therefore you have won our bet."

I laughed shortly.

"Ludicrous ! I am not Subaru, you're mad !"

I turned my back on him, facing the void again. All I needed was a single step, and it would be over. Before I could move, I felt his presence right behind me. I could feel the warmth of his breath brushing my neck.

"I know that... And you, do you know what you have done to me ?"

I shuddered, feeling tears coming to my eyes. The answer to his question was too terrible to contemplate. He said soflty :

"You have broken the seal protecting my soul from what I must do, but the feelings of pain, guilt, or remorse change nothing. I am Sakurazukamori, I will be until I die. Nothing can alter that, nothing. I am Sakurazukamori, and I must kill. You have condemned me to a living hell, for I will not take my own life, and pain will tear my soul apart each time I will kill..."

His words echoed endlessly in my mind. I hugged myself and bowed my head, saying weakely :

"Then I failed... It was all wasted, Nami-chan... She..."

I felt the tears slowly running down and tasted their bitterness. Sobs shook me. He said gently :

"I am what I am, it must go on. I have no choice, feelings or wishes are irrelevant. I am the shadow, I am the bringer of death and I must obey my destiny. There is no escape. I must kill. I must."

No... I couldn't bear this, I couldn't bear my failure, I couldn't bear his pain, his anguish, I couldn't bear the thought of him being forced to kill again and again. No ! I took my decision, and stepped forward, offering myself to the ocean.

"No !"

Powerful and yet gentle arms embraced me and held me back. I shivered convulsively and cried :

"Let go of me ! Let go ! You have no right to do this ! You have no right !..."

He hugged me softly, whispering :

"Forgive me Shun, but I can't let you die... Not yet anyway... I came here for you..."

I closed my eyes and he held me close during a long time, silent. As I was slowly regaining control of my sorrow, he said :

"We must end this cruel game. When I die, there will be no new Sakurazukamori, I won't take a mate, I won't choose anyone. You can do the same, and this way we will break the hold fate has over our lives..."

I shook my head.

"This is impossible, I have been asked to choose one of the Sumeragi, and I did. It will never end..."

He chuckled gently.

"You chose no one Shun... When a choice is made, the former leader must touch and mark the one he or she chooses... And you didn't do that... You wouldn't know how... The Sumeragi girl who came to you certainly wasn't aware of that... The old Lady must have been furious when she came back to the Sumeragi House..."

It took a moment for his words to sink in. That changed nothing. Suddenly, I tried to break free, but he mastered me easily. I turned to look at him, and he let me.

"Why are you doing this ? If I die, what you said remains true."

His fingertips gently pushed a lock of hair away.

"Because I came for you. I want you to stay by my side, I need you..."

Completely taken aback, I asked him :

"What did you say ?"

He smiled softly.

"I want you to live with me, I need you to keep sane. I need a presence, I need someone to share the pain with me, I need someone to come back to, I need someone to help me..."

I searched his face for mockery, but there was none. I shook my head.

"I am not Subaru, I do not..."

His index finger very gently pressed against my lips, preventing me from going furhter.

"I know Shun... I loved Subaru-kun, and I will always love him, but there are other kinds of love... And I could learn to love you..."

I bowed my head, feeling a terrible ache in my chest. He went on.

"You are utterly alone in this world. You have no one... You could have me. I know you feel something for me, I remember the way you trusted me when you were wounded, you even thought I was your older brother..."

I shivered. It didn't matter, it couldn't. I said in a strained voice :

"You don't know what it is you ask, you..."

He cut me soflty.

"Believe me, I do know. But without an anchor, without someone I can trust completely, without someone with whom I can share my life, I will go mad. The killing... It will make me mad soon if I remain alone, if there isn't someone beside me to understand and forgive... And if I go mad..."

I shuddered, terrified at the thought. If that happened, then he would kill, ceaselessly, blindly, he would destroy anything unlucky enough to cross his path, thousands would die... But what he asked... I wept bitterly, anguish gripping my soul. It was true I had found myself caring for him, but... Oh sweet Goddess... I looked up.

"You are asking me to live with a murderer, you are asking me to accept the death of innocents, you are asking me to let you kill without trying to help your victims, you are asking me renounce all the principles I always believed in... I..."

His right hand brushed through my hair in a gentle caress.

"I know what it is I ask Shun. I know the price you will have to pay, the terrible pain you will have to live with if you accept... You and I have much in common. I would spare you that if I could, but you are the only one I can choose. You are the only one who knows me truly, completely... Before you take your decision, there is something I must show you..."

His fingers pressed soflty against my left temple, and suddenly everything vanished.

A hospital room. The night has fallen, everything is dark but for the small lights of the multiple devices in the room. A young girl is asleep on the bed. She is very pale, her young face is marked by lines of pain. She wears a mask to help her breathe. Suddenly, a fit of coughing wakes her up. She is obviously in terrible pain. A hand gently wipes her tears, and she looks at the strange man sitting next to her. He looks at her during a long time, then says :

"Tell me, would you like the pain to go ? Would you like to sleep and never wake up ?"

She smiles wistfully.

"I would do anything to stop it. It hurts so much... It never stops... I am so tired, but they do not let me go... They do not understand how much it hurts... I know they cannot heal me, but still they try... And that terrible pain always gets worse..."

He smiles to her.

"Do you wish me to help ? Do you wish me to take the pain away forever ?"

She looks out the window, at the stars.

"No one can do that..."

He lays a hand on her shoulder.

"I can do it. But you will fall asleep and never wake up. That is the price to pay. Do you wish me to do it ?"

She faces him, a desperate hope shining in her eyes.

"If you can really free me, then please do so... I cannot bear the pain anymore, I want to find peace, I want to rest... I will be glad to die..."

He nods.

"Then I will grant your wish. Sleep..."

His hand covers the young girl's eyes, and suddenly the spark of life leaves her. The man stands and looks at her body. His face is devoid of expression, but tears shine in his eyes. He looks at her a long time, and then walks away.

Suddenly, the vision stopped. I realised I was trembling in his arms. Slowly, I looked at him and he said :

"This is the result of what you have done... This is how I kill... And this is how I choose which lives I will take... Death can be a mercy sometimes, it can be given to those who wish for it because life is too painful a burden..."

During a long time, I listened to the ocean, I listened to the wind. He had relaxed his hold. I was free to turn away and go over the edge. I knew he wouldn't stop me this time. It would have been so easy... I wanted nothing more than peace, rest... But he needed me... I whispered :

"I will try to live with you, I will try to be what you need, but... I don't know if I will be strong enough to bear it..."

A soft smile lit his face and he held me to him.

"I will be there for you Shun, as you will be there for me."

I hugged him, pressing myself against him and drowning in his gentle strength, holding on to him, forgetting everything, pretending tomorrow would never come, pretending this was only a nightmare. Eventually, I got a grip on myself and backed away. He searched my face and asked me :

"Are you feeling better now ?"

I nodded. It would be hard, there would be pain, there would be sorrow, and there would be guilt. But I wouldn't have to face it alone... And somehow it was just that I had to share his fate. I was the one who had done this to him, and I was also Andromeda... I gave a last look to the ocean and told him :

"Yes. Let's go now."

As his left arm gently encircled my shoulders, I found myself daring to hope that sometimes there would be happiness too.

End.





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