[ Watashi ]

[ Tomodachi ]

[ Saint Seiya ]

[ Clamp ]

[ Fanfiction ]

I tightened the girth, ignoring the the threatening lowering of the ears of the chestnut stallion. As I was fastening the last strap, I saw the foot of his left hindleg coming towards me with an incredible speed and stepped aside, smiling coldly and slapping the horse's mouth hard.

The stallion whinnied indignantly and I shook my head.

"Oh come on Dolphin ! How could you expect me not to be ready for your dirty tricks ?"

The horse's ears were flat on his skull.

I sighed.

It was going to be one of those days...

His head suddenly moved towards me and I caught his chin in an iron grip, whispering :

"If you hope to frighten me then you can think again mister !"

He shook his head violently, fury darkening even further his deep night-blue eyes, but I held on tight. Eventually, he got tired of the game and I released him. Immediately, his ears came up, and I walked away, chuckling bitterly.

Anyone who would have approached him now would have thought him to be the most gentle, beautiful horse of the whole club, and would have gone to him trusting, which would have proved a fatal mistake.

That horse was a killer.

Oh he had never really hurt anyone bad.

No, he had been sold by each of his owners just before it came to that.

Why Fuji Leiji, the owner of the riding club, wanted to keep him was beyond me. It was true the stallion was extraordinarily gifted, he had a way of jumping fences that was almost magical...

But it was not worth it, definitely not worth risking accidents.

Shit, I knew I shouldn't have left that demon alone more than one second, but I had to check on something before going to the field with him.

I leaned a hand against the stone wall at the stall's entry.

I didn't need my eyes to know what was going on inside.

Deep, hard breathing.

Full of pain.

Moan, almost inaudible...

My fingers tightened on the stone and I asked softly :

"No change ?..."

Fuji Leiji looked up at me and shook his head silently.

I bit my lower lip.

"When will the veterinarian be able to arrive ?"

The man sighed.

"I have no idea. You have to understand Kassandra-san, this is the district of Tokyo, veterinarians are needed to cure cats, dogs, rabbits and the like... Not big animals. They simply do not have the experience required. And the only one who has it has been called away for another emergency. He's the only one on duty, there simply isn't anybody else..."

My fist hit the wall.

"Hell, don't give me that, I know ! Damnit ! It can't go on..."

I closed my ears to the sound of those laboured, painful breaths and added :

"Okay, then call Katsumi's friend, the one who came the other day. It's her horse after all, he's her friend, he can move his ass to come over here, even though it's a holiday, ne ?..."

I ignored the light of shock in his eyes, not giving a damn about politeness or courtesy at this moment. Time for niceties later.

Turning my back on him I concluded :

"His number should be in her storage case, the code is 8831. Now I must go, I have an appointment with your godsrotted devil and I know he'd be very disappointed if I kept him waiting..."

He called :

"Be careful okay ?"

I waved absentmindedly and stepped out of the stable.

Feeling almost overwhelmed by the atmosphere inside.

Suffering...

Sickness...

Death...

Shit, no ! I bit my lower lip hard, cursing my mind for bringing up the damn word.

I walked to Dolphin and re-checked the girth. Without warning, he shifted suddenly, trying to crush me against the wall and I swiflty moved to safety, laughing.

"You're really vicious aren't you ?"

He had the most innocent look in his eyes.

Rotten Sunday...

I closed the door of Dolphin's stall and walked out of his stable.

The sun was setting.

Gods, it had been an exhausting session...

Suddenly, I noticed that the yard was empty.

On impulse, I walked to the stable where Shadow had his stall and silently went in. A part of me noted that dark grey clouds had taken over the sky.

Thunder was rumbling in the distance.

The bay gleding was lying on his right flank, his head resting againt the straw.

As if he didn't have the strength to lift it anymore.

Damn I knew he didn't have that strength anymore.

During a minute, I looked at the stall and absentmindedly saw a discarded probe as well as a recipient of oil. A case with different hypodermic syringes and flasks...

At last I whispered at the man who was squatting beside the horse, his back turned on me :

"That bad huh ?"

He whirled around in a move almost too fast for the eye to see.

Tense.

He looked sharply at me for a fraction of a second, and a sad smile appeared on his lips.

"Well..."

I nodded and slowly stepped inside the stall. I knelt beside the horse's head and gently stroked it, saying softly :

"I'm sorry I startled you Sakurazuka-san, it is not my habit to be noisy..."

He chuckled, shaking his head.

"It's okay Kassandra-san, but I must admit it is quite vexing to be surprised like this... I seem to remember asking you to call me Seishirou, ne ?"

Unwilling to let him distract me, I stared at him steadily.

"It is over, isn't it ?"

Surprise showed again on his face. Then he sighed.

"I am afraid I have tried everything... Yes, there is nothing more to be done... How do you know ?"

I smiled, shrugging.

"I have lived with horses for the most part of my life, Sa..."

I caught myself.

"Seishirou-san... I can recognize crushing colics when I encounter them..."

He shook his head.

"Then why did you have me called ? If you knew there was nothing to be done..."

I chuckled bitterly.

"I am merely human, I can make mistakes you know... And besides, you might have been able to save him... There might have been time enough to transport him to a clinic..."

He nodded.

"I see... Well, there is no clinic that can perform this type of surgery around Tokyo, and it was too late when I arrived anyway..."

The gelding moaned, and I carefully stroked his neck, feeling empty. There was a long silence, and eventually I told him :

"The real reason why I insisted a veterinarian come is that I may not perform euthanasia myself..."

This time, shock inscribed itself clearly in his left eye. I sighed.

"Come on Seishirou-san, we both know that if you leave now, this horse will keep living and suffering until the pain has sufficiently weakened his heart for him to die, and that won't happen before dawn tomorrow at the earliest ! Damnit, there is no reason to let him suffer like this !..."

I challenged him.

"Is there ?!"

He stared at me steadily, his expression devoid of any feeling, as if trying to take my measure, and then smiled, slowly shaking his head and saying softly :

"You're right Kassandra-san, there is no reason to let this go on indeed..."

He rummaged through his case.

"Katsumi-chan cannot be reached for the moment, she is on a trip in Kyushu, but I know she would approve so..."

He took out a flask and a syringe.

I denied the feeling of ice in the pit of my stomach as I watched him filling the instrument of death.

Death...

I said in a toneless voice :

"I will talk to Katsumi-san about this, it's on my shoulders."

He shrugged.

"As you wish..."

He looked at me suddenly.

"You should leave Kassandra-san..."

I smiled coldly.

"I think you're mistaking me for someone else Seishirou-san. I have no intention to flee the truth."

I turned my back on him and gently stroked the bay gelding's forehead and neck, whispering senseless words in a soothing tone. Inwardly praying.

Please let it be quick...

I fought the urge to close my eyes.

The poor horse was in such pain...

I could feel each hard-won, pain-filled breath through my fingers.

The very air was screaming around him.

It had to end.

It had to.

Suddenly, the breathing stopped.

Lightning illuminated the stables and the thunder roared.

The rain began to fall.

Shadow was dead.

Gently, slowly, I ran a hand along his left cheek and then stood up and left the stall without sparing a glance for Sakurazuka Seishirou.

I leaned on the wood fence enclosing the small corral in the center of the courtyard, and let the rain soak me through.

Wash me.

Cleanse me of the touch of death.

It was not the first time I was a witness to this kind of thing.

It didn't become any easier with experience.

I looked up as lightning once again illuminated the night sky and closed my eyes.

Relishing the feeling of the myriad of drops running down my face, my neck and my body.

I didn't want to think anymore.

If I could just draw the curtain...

Fall asleep...

Pretend it had been nothing but a nightmare...

Tango...

My fire-spirited friend...

I gritted my teeth.

Enough foolishness.

I tensed violently as a hand settled on my left shoulder, turning to face the intruder.

"Kassandra-san..."

I looked at the tall veterinarian and asked :

"Did you tell Fuji-san ?"

He nodded.

"Yes, he will do what is necessary..."

I smiled at him.

"Then I must thank you for coming Seishirou-san..."

I made to leave, but he held me back gently.

"Just a minute my lady. Where do you think you're going ?"

I almost answered one of the pious lies I was certain he'd have wanted to hear, but instead, on impulse, I said :

"I'm going to drink myself in a stupor. Why ?"

He smiled.

"There is no way I will let you leave this place alone in your state of mind Kassandra-san... Besides, you wouldn't know where to go since you're not used to doing that here, would you ?"

I shrugged.

"As you wish, if you have money and time to waste, come. I don't care if there's somebody with me or not."

I pushed myself away from the wood fence and walked away.

My state of mind...

Really !

I laughed suddenly.

If only he had known !

The sound of the music was deafening.

Well, if such a thing could still be called music...

I grimaced inwardly, emptying my cup of sake and putting it back on the table.

The flashing lights were dizzying.

Disco Moebius...

A standard name for a standard night-club.

Seishirou Sakurazuka smiled at me.

"You are sure you don't want to dance ?"

I shook my head, smiling back at him.

"No way, thanks... But I could use a bit more sake..."

He looked at me disapprovingly, but eventually complied and I grinned at him. The bottle between us was almost empty.

It still wasn't enough.

Nothing would ever be enough...

"I don't understand you..."

I looked up at my companion.

"Why do you stubbornly deny the pain you feel at Shadow's death ?"

I shrugged, slowly turning my cup and watching the liquid's movement inside it. When I grew tired of this game, I drank a bit and sighed.

"You are mistaken Seishirou-san..."

He just stared at me blankly. I chuckled soundlessly.

"Pain would not disturb me if I felt it. It would be normal..."

I shook my head.

"There is no pain."

I smiled pleasantly.

"Only emptiness. I don't feel anything at all, do you see ?..."

I drank again.

"Did you ever wonder whether you were a human being ?"

Something like a smile lit his face for the briefest of moments. He said gently :

"You are very much human Kassandra-san, you may even be one of the most human persons I've ever known..."

I fought the urge to laugh at him.

Damn stupid of him to believe that.

As long as the living being I 'cared about' was alive, maybe... But it was nothing more than an illusion.

All it came down to once death had struck was nothingness.

A horrible emotional void.

As if I had been a machine.

I knew I should have felt something, I *wanted* to feel something, anything...

I shook my head.

"You are sadly mistaken."

He smiled gently.

"Oh no I am not. You simply refuse to admit the truth. You hide yourself behind a wall because you're afraid. But I can see the truth beyond that barrier you keep raising higher..."

I laughed.

"Can you now ?"

I emptied the cup and refilled it, not bothering to wait for him to do it.

Cursed alcohol had never been able to help me forget anything, but somehow it served as way of venting my anger. My fury at being the emotionally impaired monster I was.

"Yes. You are simply hurting yourself further by playing this dangerous game of hide and seek..."

Rather than telling him to mind his own business, I drank a long swallow. There was no reason to waste my breath in trying to convince him. Hell, why did people always want to believe I was other than myself ?

"Hey ! Why if this isn't Kas'-chan !..."

I looked up sharply to see one of my so-called colleagues leering down at me, more than a bit drunk.

"I had no idea you liked this kind of place, had I known I'd have invited you..."

I toyed with the idea of throwing my cup to his face, but that would have been a waste of resources. That sake was damn good. So I said in a sweet tone of voice :

"I don't like this kind of place Hideaki-san, and I don't like you either, so why don't you get lost before I decide to get bored with the sight of your stupid face ?..."

Sighing, I stood up and pushed him aside.

"Oh after all I don't care, I'm gonna dance a round or two..."

Completely disregarding both men, I joined the crowd of dancers in the center of the room and let the harsh chords of the music take over my body.

The music stopped too soon. Vaguely, I heard the speaker announce something like a special request, and silence filled the room.

Soft... Delicate sounds...

What ?

A hand took mine, and an arm encircled my waist.

I looked at Seishirou Sakurazuka, lost.

He was smiling.

He gently led me away and I found myself following him.

Moving ever so slowly.

Merging into the music.

This melody...

Gradually, the rythm accelerated, and suddenly I knew.

The Dress Waltz.

He made me turn and I kept on following where he was leading me.

Captivated by the music.

This had to be pure chance.

How could anyone have known ?

As the intensity of the music reached a peak, I abrutply freed myself from him and began dancing on my own.

Challenging the dancer's dominance.

I was vaguely aware that the dance floor was empty but for us.

It didn't matter.

Only the music mattered.

The music was life.

The dance was all there was.

Freedom.

It filled my mind, my heart and my soul.

Everything disappeared.

The rythm rose once more, and I smiled as I saw the dancer holding out his hand towards me.

I played at resisting his call for the time of a heartbeat.

Then delightfully, I went to him and shivered as I reached him, relishing the feeling of his arm around me and of his body against mine.

Once more, he led me in figures more and more complex.

More and more demanding.

I should have tripped and made a fool of myself.

But somehow the music guided me through all the steps and I let myself be taken away completely.

And I forgot.

Abruptly, the Dress Waltz ended.

Like a puppet whose strings would have been cut, I fell again Seishirou Sakurazuka's chest.

My heart beating so hard I was sure it would explode.

I barely heard people applauding the performance as he gently led me back to our table.

I sat down mechanically and bowed my head, trying to catch my breath.

"When I think you said you didn't want to dance as we arrived !"

His gentle laughter barely reached me.

Now that the dance was over, I was feeling empty.

So empty...

I...

I stood up.

"Kassandra-san ?"

I whispered.

"I just need a bit of fresh air, I'll be right back..."

I walked away, fighting the need to run.

I stopped as soon as I reached the street.

It was still raining.

The thunderstorm was slowly moving away from the city.

I hugged myself.

I just... Couldn't feel anything.

As if I had been dead.

Like the day my parents had been buried.

I could remember very clearly the slow lowering of the two coffins into the ground...

I hadn't even cried then.

Damnit I hadn't even felt grief !

I heard steps approaching and didn't move. Someone put a raincoat on my shoulders and I reflexively looked up to see Seishirou Sakurazuka's face.

He looked at me for a long time, then gently reched out to me and wiped something from my cheeks.

Tears.

I hadn't even realized I was crying.

He whispered softly :

"I'm sorry."

Suddenly, I got the feeling that this statement was covering much more than the death of Shadow. I got the feeling that he knew and understood me. Like no one had before. Without thinking, on instinct I threw myself in his arms and held on to him with all my strength. In answer, he hugged me tight, and I felt silent sobs shaking me.

It hurt.

Slowly, the tension in my body relaxed, and I gently disengaged myself from his embrace.

I looked at him and smiled.

"You know, I used to love to be called Kas'... But those fools only use the nickname as a joke..."

He chuckled.

"Don't concern yourself with fools, ne Kas'-chan ?..."

He looked at me seriously.

"Shall we go ? We both have to work in a few hours, and you have plenty of alcohol in your veins..."

I cocked my head to the side, and finally nodded.

As we stopped beside his car, I turned towards him.

"Seishirou-san... would you like to be my friend ?"

The fingertips of his right hand softly moved away a stray lock of hair from my face and he said with a smile :

"Friends we shall be then my lady Kassandra..."

He opened the door for me.

"Does that mean you will let me through your defences ?"

I looked at him, half-joking, half-serious.

"It means I let you come beyond the first wall Seishirou-san. No more, no less."

He nodded.

"One day you will lower all the shields around your soul for me..."

I sat down and smiled, shaking my head.

"I wouldn't depend on that if I were you my friend, I really wouldn't."

He stared at me steadily, and suddenly I shivered.

Shit, I hoped I hadn't caught a cold.

At last, he asked in a whisper :

"Do you wish to place a bet on this my lady ?"

I chuckled, taken aback.

"No way, I am not the gambling type !..."

I let my eyes lose themselves in the night.

"Besides, you would lose this bet."

He looked up at the night sky, then back at me. Strangely serious.

"So you say..."

Suddenly, he bent down and his lips brushed my brow in a light and gentle kiss.

"We shall see."

He closed the door and I leaned my head back against the comfortable seat, closing my eyes. Exhausted.

End of Part 3.

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