[ Watashi ]

[ Tomodachi ]

[ Saint Seiya ]

[ Clamp ]

[ Fanfiction ]

Note: this story is a crossover between Saint Seiya and X. To be precise, it's a _complete_ rewriting of the _Hades_ chapter of Saint Seiya, placed in the universe of X. So don't expect me to respect events in the Hades, because I won't (that's the point, since I'm rewriting that chapter). In the same vein, don't expect me to respect Saint Seiya timelines, I decided to skip a gap of a few years (writers are god, 1st rule of fic writing ^^).
I will likewise not respect events of X past (and including some things) volume 6.
Also, please note that there will be shounen ai in later chapters of this story. Nothing I call graphic, but if you're offended by this kind of thing, then please don't read it.

Fuu-chan.

Fate has a harsh and cruel way of dealing with those who dare defy it.

The plain was empty, barren. There was neither grass nor flowers growing upon it, there wasn't the faintest trace of life emanating from it. It was night. I looked up, but saw no stars in the sky, no moon. A strange, ghostly light was the only thing which allowed me to get a glimpse of my surroundings. I turned around, unable to understand where I was, or what was happening. The silence was frightening, awful. So deep....

Death.

Darkness, which seemed to choke everything.

I felt something squeezing the skin on my chest and looked down, in a slow motion. The fingers of my left hand were clutching at my shirt, entangled in the rough fabric and grasping it as if it had been some kind of anchor. I blinked, unaware that I had willed my left arm to move. There was no sound to be heard, no breeze whispering in blades of grass, there wasn't even the sound of fighting. No clouds, no plants, no animals. Only the naked rock. Only me.

Only the night.

I had never experienced such a feeling of absolute loneliness in my whole life. I shivered reflexively, and dimly wondered at the reaction of my body. Some distant part of me shouted that I ought to move, to flee, to do anything but stay here passively, frantic, but I just stood where I was. Feeling empty. There was nothing I could do. Obscurely I knew that. And I knew it to be the truth.

There was no escape. Nothing.

Distantly, I thought it weird that I was unable to feel anything. It was as if fear had been denied me. There was just one thing I did perceive, very acutely. As savage and violent as a flood it had come and engulfed me, undeniable.

Cold.

My whole body started shaking. It was cold, so horribly cold here--

"Hush."

The whisper was soft, and very close. I abruptly felt a body against mine as someone embraced me from behind; and arms wrapped around my chest, holding me close in the way a lover's would. "You will never feel the cold again."

A blissful sensation of warmth slowly spread within me. In answer, I relaxed and felt my eyelids growing heavy. It felt so good. So good....

So safe.

So....

I shivered as something unnamed disturbed the wonderful sensation and challenged the drowsiness which was claiming my whole self. I raised my chin up, abruptly refusing the sweet temptation of sleep, and turned to see who was there, asking, "Wait, who....?"

Something wet and cold abruptly woke me up.

"Hey !" I blinked, listening to the fading echoes of my voice, and looked around. It was high tide already. I felt a smile coming to my lips when I saw the sea tickling my toes. Focusing on the feeling of the sand beneath me, I chuckled, then stood up and stretched lazily. As usual, sleep had gained up on me right after I had closed my eyes. I knew it always happened, but still I came back to this beach and lied down in the warm sand for what I thought would be just a short nap. I smiled. I was good at deluding myself.

Shielding my eyes from the afternoon sun, I stared at the horizon and shrugged. After all, there was no harm in this habit. There was nothing particular to do, and I was alone, I was the last one to have remained here after.... I chased away the memory of high pillars under the sea, and left the beach. It was time I went back where I belonged. As I left the beach, the shadow of a pine fell upon me and abruptly masked the light.

I shivered as the thought imposed itself in my mind, and as a feeling which had no name washed over me with the harshness of a thunderstorm. On instinct I looked up and saw the sunlight passing through the branches. Sunlight. My brain froze on the word for a while, repeating it over and over as if it had been some kind of prayer or incantation. Eventually I managed to snap out of the trance, and I gritted my teeth.

I had had the dream again.

This time, I had had enough. On impulse, I didn't stop once I reached the first level of the Sanctuary, but faced the great stairway leading up to the Twelve Houses, to the heart of the Sacred Domain, and started climbing.

I ignored the two statues guarding the entrance of the small temple and walked in quietly, in an unsuccessful attempt not to disturb the peaceful and serene atmosphere of the House of Virgo. Two wonderful birds flew away when they heard the whisper of echo raised by the sound of my steps, turning above me with curiosity, and then they disappeared in the soft golden light which was spreading into the hall like a strange, eerie mist. I refused to acknowledge the garden of paradise my eyes insisted on showing me, and walked on. At last I came in front of a beautiful lotus flower sculpted in the rock, and sighed.

There wasn't anyone here. I shook my head in frustration. Where could he be? I'd been so certain of having felt his presence when I had entered his House--

"Can I do anything for you, Andromeda Shun ?"

I whirled around and found him standing right in front of me, a slight smile on his lips. With an effort of will, I forced myself not to focus on his closed eyes and to ignore the almost imperceptible trace of mockery which had seeped into his voice. All of a sudden I wondered what I was doing here, and why I had come all this way to see him, of all the Gold Saints. Eventually I shrugged, sending doubts back in the shadows of my mind, and replied, "I don't know. I was hoping to find an explanation to a dream I've been having."

He smirked, amused. "A dream? Do you think I'm an oracle? Why not ask Aries Mu or Leo Aioria?" In a soft whisper, he added, "Why did you come to me?"

A weary smile came to my lips. "I have no logical answer to your question. I came to you on impulse. It's true I could have stopped at the House of Aries or at the House of Leo, but the fact is I didn't. To come here felt...right...somehow." The image of a young woman praying on her knees, her eyes closed, came to my mind and I shook my head, adding, "I remembered seeing my own image reflected by the Virgo Cloth, on the day you and my brother--"

I abruptly fell silent, unwilling to dwell on those memories. We faced each other for a few seconds, then he said, "Very well. Tell me about your dream then, Shun."

I shot him a sharp look, surprised. I had expected sarcasm or disdain, but certainly not this. Obediently I began detailing the strange dream which had started haunting me right after the end of the battle against Poseidon. When I came to the end of my story, I sighed. "It may seem quite simple and ordinary to you, but I can't seem to free myself from it, it always ends as I'm about to see who the person holding me is. That dream frightens me. I'm unable to control it, no matter how hard how I try. Is there anything you can tell me about it that would help, Virgo Shaka?"

He stepped over to the sculpted lotus flower, and let the fingers of his right hand brush one of its petals in an absentminded gesture. "It's a strange dream. I don't know its meaning, unless...."

He turned to face me, and asked in earnest, "Why are you still here, Shun?" Taken aback by the question and the seriousness in the tone of his voice, I didn't answer. "You have no obligation to remain at the Sanctuary, you're free. Why haven't you left with your friends? They've been gone for a long time now. For what reason have you stayed?"

I shook my head, at a loss to give such as he a suitable reply to that question. "I--I don't know. What could possibly link that to my dream? I don't understand."

The Gold Saint smiled at me. "Then try to understand, finding an answer might help you." He turned away from me, all of a sudden. "But I have other things to attend to. If you will excuse me, I cannot do anything more for you. You're the only one who can help yourself, Shun."

I nodded, aware that there was no discussing his words. "Thank you for your time, Virgo Shaka." I walked out of the small temple, and thought he really hadn't been much help...or was it the way of the wise to always be so cryptic?

"And what was his interpretation ?"

There was a soft smile on the young woman's face. I looked at her gentle purple eyes and felt warm and safe. Every time I looked upon her, I experienced the same wondrous sensation. I smiled back at her, unable to help myself, and replied with a resigned sigh, "He had none. He simply asked me why I was still here."

We were both sitting in her room of the palace in the heart of the Sanctuary. She nodded. "I see." Her eyes locked on me. "Why are you still here, Shun?"

I shrugged slightly, trying to hide the surprise her words had sparked inside me. "I don't know. Why? Why should it matter? Are you trying to tell me that my place isn't here, Saori-san?"

She rested the palm of her hand on my right arm, and squeezed softly. "No, Shun. No, of course not. I'm happy to have you here, you're my friend, but...I think Shaka is right. Why didn't you accompany Seiya when he left for Japan? Why didn't you go with Hyoga to Asgard, or with Shiryu to China?"

I stared back at her, trying to find words and failing, trying to find a reason, and failing. Eventually I sighed, "I just...didn't go. I might have gone with Ikki-niisan but," I smiled a bit sadly, "He wanted to be on his own, as usual."

She bowed her head, hearing and understanding the quiet sorrow there had been in my words. There was a short moment of silence, then she stared at me steadily and said in a gentle, yet decided voice, "Shun, I hear no coherent reason for staying here in your words. You're alone in this place, and we both know you're not one who enjoys loneliness all that much. Why haven't you returned to Japan, Shun? Please, tell me."

I leaned back against the wall and looked away from the purple gaze. The chambers in the inner heart of the Sanctuary felt weird, they were empty and cold, they were almost...raw, their comfort Spartan at best. The only furniture in the vast room were the bed, a small table and its chairs, and what must be a wardrobe. It had to be hard to live here, even if the thick marble walls were a very efficient shield against the heat of Greece's Summers. I let out an almost inaudible sigh, feeling a familiar pain spreading in my heart, and closed my eyes, wishing I could somehow keep silent and keep the words locked in my heart. She would understand, I knew that, but it was as if speaking them out could enact the curse those words represented.

There's no help for that. I have to tell her. I have to. Besides, she knows, she must know already. A small smile came to my lips as I acknowledged what must be the truth, and replied, "Somehow I cannot believe it's over. Peace...I--It seems a sweet lie to me, an illusion. I want so much to believe that this time the fighting is over, but.... If I left Greece to return to Japan, I have the feeling that that action would trigger something. It's very hard to explain, but--" As if of their own volition, my fingers closed upon the pendant I usually kept under my shirt, and squeezed it. "In the past, we've been condemned to fight, to hurt and to kill, and I don't think that that curse has been lifted from us so easily. I...made the mistake to believe this once, after the defeat of Gemini Saga, and it hurt me too much. I'll never make it again."

I shook my head slowly, remembering Mime's words as well as the beautiful, heartrending music of the requiem the God Warrior had composed for me. "I can't really explain this in words, but.... I have the feeling that my staying here is almost as like forcing Time to freeze, and that if I leave Time will start flowing again, and then our curse will catch up with us. I--"

I faced the young woman who was the reincarnation of the goddess Athena, and told her the truth which haunted my soul. "I'm afraid to leave. I don't want to fight again, ever."

She smiled sadly. "I understand." Her eyes left my face, and I saw surprise sparkling in them as she suddenly noticed my right hand clutching the pendant. She blinked, then asked, "What is it you're holding, Shun?"

I held out the small jewel towards her, replying, "It's a keepsake from my mother. It's the only thing I have from her."

She reached out towards me, and let her fingertips lightly brush over the pendant and trace its shape. She stared at it for a long time, thoughtful, and then a shadow briefly marred her clear purple gaze, memories, or perhaps sorrow. Her shoulders slumped and she closed her eyes, as if she'd grown bone-weary all of a sudden. Eventually she sighed and said with an unreadable expression on her face, "Forgive me, Shun." She forced a crooked smile to her lips. "I guess I just realized that I never knew my mother either. But it's very beautiful and precious. You're lucky to have such a memory of her."

I carefully put the pendant away, setting it back against my skin, and told her in a whisper, "I'm sorry I reminded you of this, Saori-san, really."

Her hand very gently squeezed my arm again. "No, Shun, don't be. I was the one who asked you, ne?"

She let the echoes of her voice fade in the great room, then she smiled. "And you know, whether you stay here or go back to Japan will change nothing. Fate is Fate, it's not dependant on a place. The Sanctuary isn't a shield against it. Nothing can defend us against Fate, we have to challenge it ourselves, if we so choose. If it's our destiny to fight until we die, you won't defeat that by staying here. I believe your dream is simply the expression of your fear of this curse you feel on our heads. And it's also the expression of your desire to go on with your life. Your dream shows you paralyzed by your fear."

She looked me right in the eyes. "Shun, staying here will change nothing." In a soft and undeniable voice, she repeated, "Nothing."

There was a long silence, time for her words to sink in, as well as time for me put some semblance of order in my thoughts. At last I sighed, denying the fear in my heart with difficulty. "I guess you're right, Saori-san: hiding here is useless. The more so when I'm hiding from something that doesn't exist. I'll go back to Japan, it's time I left the past behind me and won free of it."

Her fingers pressed my shoulders in an attempt at reassurance, and she nodded. "It's...good, Shun." She smiled. "My blessing goes with you, always."

The bus stopped and I looked forward, surprised by the heavy vehicle's sudden movement. The next traffic light was still a good hundred of meters distant, and besides its light was green. I knew bus drivers in Athens often displayed a strange behaviour, but still.... I abruptly noticed a column of black smoke coming from one of the buildings ahead and the telltale red trucks of the fire brigade blocking the avenue in front of us. On impulse I stepped down from the bus, in the event that help might be needed.

The people of the fire brigade were gathering their gear, getting ready to leave. There was almost nothing left of what had been a small house. Only a few bricks, ashes, and smoke. A young man was standing in front of the ruins, unmoving, watching them, as if fascinated by them. Slowly, he bowed his head, and I heard him whispering, "Kaa-san...."

A Japanese? Here in Athens? But.... All of a sudden I noticed the tightly closed fists, and saw tears running down his cheeks. He looked up again, and I stepped back.

I had never seen such a tormented expression on anyone's face.

I had never seen such a devouring fire in anyone's eyes.

Beautiful, deep purple eyes.

Pain.

Sorrow.

Anger.

Fury.

His mother...I felt a lump in my throat. Yes, his mother must have died in the fire. I mastered the impulse to walk over to his side and try to give him comfort. It wouldn't be accepted. The fury he was keeping inside him was too great, waiting for the first excuse to win free. The wound was far too raw for any of my words to help him. It wasn't fair, life wasn't fair. A loud horn sound resounded through the air, and I turned around to see that the bus driver was trying to get my attention. The way was clear now, and I had to go. My plane wouldn't wait. As I stepped into the bus, I thought I heard the young man saying:

"Ore wa...Tokyo ni kaeru."

The doors closed behind me, and as the bus passed the youth by, I wondered if he was now an orphan. An orphan like me.

End of part 1.

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