[ Watashi ]

[ Tomodachi ]

[ Saint Seiya ]

[ Clamp ]

[ Fanfiction ]

I slowly set the half-eaten hamburger back on its tray and sighed, unheeding of the ceaseless sound of voices filling the air around me. Appetite was eluding me for the moment, no matter how I told myself I needed to put some food into me, I just couldn't eat. I looked at my trousers' belt and smiled self-deprecatingly, noticing that I had had to tighten it further, again. A joyless chuckle escaped me as a stray thought hit my brain. Sorrow, guilt, pain and despair...the sure way of unfailingly lose weight. I leaned back against my chair and closed my eyes, trying to clear my mind of the mist that clouded it.

Gentle laughter, close.

Shun.

I turned my head towards the sound the voice, a happy smile lighting my face. You should pay a bit more attention to yourself you know. Warmth filled my heart. The voice had taken on a chiding tone, but there was so much affection in it.... If you keep on this diet, the slightest breeze will end up blowing you away. Look at you, so thin. You must take care of yourself and be strong, remember? I'm sure you haven't forgotten why it's so important.

The sun plunged beneath the horizon, and its blinding light faded, allowing me to get a glimpse of the person who was talking.

The dark grey eyes of my brother were locked on my face.

Ikki-niisan.... My eyes snapped open and I bit my lower lip, drawing blood. Suddenly I realized that a deep silence had fallen over the fast-food restaurant and saw people watching me with a puzzled expression. I forcefully unclenched my fists and tried to relax.

Bowing my head, I focused on the rhythm of my breathing. The illusion had been so real, as if he had truly been beside me, as if he had been...alive. A sad little smile came to my lips, unbidden. I had really thought to feel his presence. Perhaps I needed to eat more, perhaps I needed to rest my soul as well as my body, but I seemed to be unable to manage that. Slowly I stood up, took the tray with its unfinished hamburger, brought it to the nearest trash can and mechanically cleaned it before putting it back on the pile where it belonged. Then, ignoring people's curious looks, I walked out of the burger place.

The sounds of the cars in the wide avenue and of the people walking around me seemed unreal. What my brain perceived were flashes of light, in rapid successions, lines of red and white as people started turning on their cars' lights, a distant buzz made of whispers, exclamations and the echoes of car engines, vibrations which felt dissonant with my heartbeats, and the stink of pollution which choked the air. The world seemed unreal, an intricate illusion, a dream, or a nightmare. I stared up at a huge advertising panel presenting the latest fashion in watches, and focused on the watch's second hand. Time was flowing on, inexorably. I was nothing more than a pitiful twig taken away by the current, powerless to do anything but wait...and then fall once the time came.

I looked at the pedestrian passageway that bridged the wide avenue, allowing a safe crossing, and smiled to myself. Slowly I climbed up the stairs and stopped once I came to the middle of the way above the asphalt. Resting my elbows on the metal railing, I watched the city before me, letting the wind fly my hair as it would. The sun was setting in the distance.

There was a distant pain in my elbows and forearms, a dull ache which kept pestering me, yelling for my attention from very far away. I looked down at the red and white lights of the cars filling the avenue, and wondered if they ever stopped. There hadn't even been a moment of silence during the night; there had never been a moment of true darkness, as if the city never slept, never rested.

"Do you mind if I join you?"

In a slow motion, I looked on my left and saw a young woman standing next to me. She was beautiful, her hair a dark fire and her eyes a gentle brown. A sudden gust of wind howled in the avenue, and I absentmindedly noted that under her long coat she wasn't wearing anything else than enticing black silk lingerie. Focusing my mind on her, I replied with a little shake of the head, "Not at all, please do."

She leaned on the rail a few steps away from me, letting her gaze lose itself in the hypnotic vision of the cars endlessly passing through the avenue, and I went back to watching the city.

"It's a fascinating sight, isn't it?"

I nodded. The darkness of the night was slowly turning to grey, dawn would come very soon now. "Yes, fascinating..." a bitter smile came to my lips as I added, "but so cold."

A car starting slaloming between the lanes, overtaking others at a crazy speed and raising a chorus of furious hoots in its wake.

"Cold?" As the echoes of the surprised question faded around us, the lights of dawn began filling the sky, painting it like an infinite rainbow. "Do you really think so?" The doubts in her clear, warm voice were obvious. Behind us, the sun rose, and its light illuminated the thousands of windows of a tall skyscraper in front of us. "Maybe so, but at least the city itself doesn't judge. It simply is. It won't condemn, and it won't reject. It'll let anyone come and watch the sunrise, it gives itself. It doesn't expect to be given back. It'll offer beauty to the eyes who know how to see."

Hearing the quiet pain which had accompanied the words, I turned to face her, shaking my head. "The buildings themselves are soulless, and the city itself is lifeless. It's the people who live in it who gift it with a soul. Beauty isn't in a monument, it's in the heart of the person who watches it and finds it beautiful. It's the people who matter. It's their hearts, it's their hopes and their dreams." Distant regrets filled my being, and sadness came into my smile as I told her, "The richness, we have it inside us, we simply forget." I stared once more at the financial district in the distance. "And we let ourselves be caged."

Her eyes widened at that, and she turned towards me. "Perhaps." With a joyless chuckle, she asked me, "You're a strange one. You do know you're talking to a soap girl, don't you?"

With a gentle shake of the head, I replied, "I didn't know until you told me. It was possible, but who was I to decide it was so? Only a fool would pretend to have the truth simply according to appearances."

Taken aback, she let the echoes of my words fade into silence before saying, her eyes locked on mine, "But now, won't you discard me, classifying me as a worthless whore?"

I sustained her steady gaze, confronting the unvoiced pain that I could feel seeping away from her, and smiled, reaching out and taking her hands in mine. "Why? Should I? Why should it change the fact you and I have shared this coming of dawn? Why should it change the fact that your presence here soothed a part of the pain inside me and made the end of the night bearable? Tell me, why should it matter? The only thing that counts is the person you are, your heart and your soul, the wishes that you have...and certainly not your clothing or your work."

She bowed her head, replying in a faint whisper, "I'm not used to being talked to like that. You didn't even scrutinize my lingerie, you didn't look at me with lust in your eyes."

On impulse I laid a soft kiss on her right cheek, whispering back, "You're very beautiful, miss." I released her, adding, "The person that you are is beautiful, and rich." I looked up at the blue sky, and felt something that might have been warmth spreading within me. "It's you and countless others who make it worth it to live, to uphold an ideal and to keep believing in dreams."

She said softly, a knowing smile on her lips, "You love humanity very much, don't you?"

I started. "I--" I closed my eyes. I'd destroy it, I'd destroy every living thing on this world. I...unable to help myself, I said in a faint voice, "Yes...yes, I do." And my love would change nothing. I denied the feelings, acutely aware that I couldn't let them reach me, that if ever the conscious wish formed in my mind...I had to accept Fate. Hell, I had embraced it. There never had been any choice. I hammered the thought in my mind. Never.

Never.

Never.

A hand gently pressed my left shoulder, and suddenly I felt myself being drawn into a tight embrace. Softly she whispered in my ear, "I know."

Warmth.

Flames enfolding me.

Fire embracing me.

So bright.

The Phoenix? No, it couldn't be...power, radiating from the one who was standing beside me, from the one who was hugging me tight.

Eyes widening in surprise and understanding, I freed myself and stepped back, clenching my teeth. A Dragon of Heaven. I gathered my cosmo, asking her in a hiss, "What do you want?"

She shrugged, smiling a bit sadly. "Nothing. This isn't a trap as you seem to think." Looking away from me, she let her gaze wander over the sight of the city before us. "I truly am a soap girl. My name is Kasumi Karen. I'm also one of the seven Dragons of Heaven." She let out a weary sigh. "The last of my customers left earlier than usual, and thought I'd take a walk...then I saw you up on the bridge. You seemed to be so lonely, so lost...I was lonely as well, so I decided it might be better to join our loneliness for a while...don't you think?"

I leaned back against the rail and forced myself to relax, answering with a weak smile, "I guess...it was better, yes."

She smiled back at me. "Thank you." Stepping over to me, she reached out and the fingertips of her right hand traced my left cheek in a gentle caress. "And thank you for not having asked me what everyone always asks, thanks for not asking why, and for having accepted me as a person, for not having judged." Her lips brushed against my forehead, and she added in an almost inaudible whisper, "I trust you."

She stepped back, with the same luminous smile on her lips. There was a strange expression on her face, something which reminded me of hope, a hope which was meaningless. "I must leave now, but there's someone else who wants to talk to you." She turned her back on me and walked away. As she was about to disappear down the stairs, the sound of her voice reached me one last time. "I'll keep your secret, I promise you."

I sighed, bowing my head. My secret...no, she was wrong. There was no secret. There couldn't be one. What she believed didn't matter, it was my thoughts and my wishes that did. The sound of steps made me look up, and I shook my head when I saw Sumeragi Subaru walking towards me. Wearily I asked him, "Will you all come talk to me and try to make me change sides again?"

The beautiful emerald eyes locked on me, and he said, "I doubt that Kasumi-san tried to win you over, and it's not my goal either. You and I have to talk, but not here if you don't mind."

I shrugged, too tired to wonder what this was all about. "It's the same to me, Sumeragi-san."

I leaned heavily against one of the poles supporting the Torii of the Togakushi Shrine, feeling cramps in my back. Weariness was like a weight of lead on my shoulders. It hadn't been a bright idea on my part to skip sleeping during the night, no, not a bright idea at all. I looked at the trees around us and at the abandoned house in the distance, and eventually told Sumeragi Subaru, "You have a strange taste Sumeragi-san. This place, while it's quiet, isn't the one I'd have chosen for a talk."

He gave me a humorless smile. "You have nothing to fear. I'm the expert in ghosts and spirits, and I can tell you that we're not disturbing anyone or anything."

I shrugged. "If you say so." Focusing on him, I added, "Now what's this about?"

He took a deep breath, as if to steady himself, and then said, "Sakurazukamori is one of the Dragons of Earth, he's on your side, so you must see him often."

I nodded, wondering why he'd say something apparently as meaningless as this. "Indeed."

He shook his head, replying in a hollow voice, "I don't understand how you can bear to be in the same space he is, knowing who and what he is." Suddenly he walked towards me and his hands gripped my shoulders, squeezing them painfully. "I know you." The emerald eyes filled my vision, a transparent mirror for the emotions warring in the Onmyouji's heart. "I felt your heart when you did...whatever it is you did to me the first time we met." He bowed his head, adding in a voice full of pain and hatred, "How can you bear it? How? I don't understand."

Freeing myself from the intense gaze, I closed my eyes and sighed, leaning back my head against the Torii's pole. I didn't want to deal with this, not now, not when I was feeling so exhausted...but I had made a promise. So I gently freed myself and pushed Sumeragi Subaru back.

"Listen to me well, Sumeragi-san." I ignored the light shining in his eyes. "Whatever happened between you and Sakurazuka-san isn't my concern. No matter what he did to you, no matter how much sorrow and pain he caused," I shook my head, saying mercilessly, "it's not my business. He's a Dragon of Earth, and so he and I are on the same side. We have our own separate goals, and to achieve them, he needs me, just as I need him. There's nothing more to it."

All of a sudden his fingers closed on my right wrist and he violently pulled me towards him, snarling, "You lie!" He showed me the back of my own hand, and suddenly I saw lights shining on the skin, lights which were forming a five-pointed star. "You bear his mark, and yet you live, he isn't hunting you!"

Anger and pain, hatred were warring in his eyes. I let my cosmo flow around me and freed myself, saying in a strained voice, "You'd better snap out of it, you're letting your feelings blind you. Are you that much of a fool?" I sighed, shaking my head. "It's true that he cast some kind of spell on me, but I have no idea why, he didn't see fit to tell me, and I didn't ask." With a sad smile, I told the young man whose heart was almost completely devoured by fury and what he wanted to be hatred, "Besides, he has no need to hunt me. I'm not running away." I chuckled bitterly. "I'm not his prey, Sumeragi-san. I'm for another, and believe me I don't fear the one you name your enemy."

I stared steadily at the emerald eyes as I said in a whisper, "He didn't touch me, and even if he had fancied the idea, I'd have denied him."

Shock flashed in his eyes and he stepped back, looking away. "I never asked you that, Shun-san."

I laughed. "Of course you didn't. The question was shining in your eyes is all. Listen, he was there for me when I needed help. He helped me. And he *will* help me again." I smiled gently. "Oh his help isn't for free of course, but I'll be happy to pay his price."

He tensed. "What do you mean? What have you agreed to?"

There was fear in his eyes. I shook my head. "I'm sorry, Sumeragi-san, but this is between him and me alone." Gently resting my hands on his shoulders, I told him, in deadly earnest, "Heed my words, Sumeragi-san, free yourself from the hatred which chokes you, free your heart from it. Denying love will only destroy you." With a squeeze on his shoulders, I released him. "When the time comes, I hope you won't lose," With a soft smile, I added, "and I hope you won't win either."

He stared back at me during a long time, silent, and then finally smiled as well. "You don't intend to explain yourself, do you?" With a little shrug, he waved his question away. "I'll consider your words, because you once gave of your own self to help me, and because you took my pain into you...because you're the only one who really knows how it feels." Abruptly he chuckled, shaking his head, "I wonder how your friends can believe you've turned towards evil."

I turned my back on him and leaned a hand against a pole of the Torii with a bitter smile. "You shouldn't assume things so easily, Sumeragi-san. They know me , well, we were raised together, we're part of the same family in a way. How can you know that it's not they who're right and you who're in the wrong? You should beware of too hasty conclusions."

His fingers gently squeezed my left shoulder and I looked at him, surprised. "In this case, Shun-san, I'll trust my own judgement, and my own perceptions."

He smiled and then walked away.

I looked at the house beyond the trees and sighed. This place really wasn't suited for discussions...but then it was true we hadn't been disturbed. Suddenly I felt a presence nearby and turned towards the sakura tree beside me, asking in a quiet voice, "What can I do for you, Sakurazuka-san?"

The tall shape of the assassin detached itself from the tree, and he smiled, facing me. "I was simply wondering where you had disappeared. I stopped feeling your presence during a few minutes." Snapping his fingers, he chuckled. "You were with Subaru-kun, weren't you?" I nodded silently, and a cold fire came into his eyes. "I understand, he must have felt the mark I put upon you and taken precautions to hide both you and him from me. It couldn't last long, but I guess it served his purpose." He laughed delightedly. "Cunning are you, Subaru-kun, and learning how to use your strength for the best...good."

Suddenly the earth started shaking under my feet and I fell backwards, unable to keep my balance.

From very far away I felt arms closing around me and gently keeping me upright, supporting my weight without effort. Something was being torn apart, deep inside of me, and the pitiful shreds that still remained were now very weak.

"Daijoubu desu ka?"

I nodded in silence, leaning against Sakurazuka Seishirou for a few seconds. Then I eventually found the strength to stand on my own and he released me. "I guess that Yatouji-san must have finished her study of the Seal covering the Government Building, and that she must have destroyed it." The Government Building? But the Government Building was-- I shivered, feeling cold. Noticing the livid expression on my face, the assassin gave me a knowing smile, adding, "Don't worry, the building in itself certainly won't have suffered from this. And besides, even if it has, she'll have taken all the precautions needed to protect her Beast...and thus all the other Dragons of Earth present, Kanoe-san and of course Kigai-san included."

I felt heat rising to my cheeks and blushed, thinking I was a transparent fool. With a glint of mischief in his good eye, he chuckled. "Hontouni kawaii desu ne, Shun-san!"

In answer, I shook my head, muttering, "You...you should be ashamed of playing jokes like this one." Letting go of my embarrassment, I stared at him steadily. "Tell me, did you overhear the conversation I had with Sumeragi-san?"

He looked at me, and said, in earnest, "No. Although eavesdropping might have proved interesting, I refrained."

So. A ray of sunlight illuminated us through the canopy of leaves and I smiled.

He gently pushed one of my lock of hairs away from my face, and said in a whisper, "A genuine smile on your lips...this is a rare gift, Shun-san." Something like wonder had seeped into his voice. Staring straight at me, he asked, "Tell me, why this smile?"

I reached up, my fingers softly closing upon his, and told him, "For you, Sakurazuka-san, as well as for countless others." I yawned. "Oh my, I'm exhausted. Would you mind if we went back to the Government Building now?"

An eyebrow raised in surprise, he shrugged and said, going along with my change of mood, "Not at all. I wonder why you spent your whole night watching the city lights, really."

I looked at him and replied in a quiet voice, "Perhaps it was the only way I had of keeping my mind busy."

I waited for Seishirou Sakurazuka at the entry of the parking. Fortunately it did not take him long to park his car and then come back. With a wide yawn? I thought that I was really in dire need of sleep.

"Excuse me."

I looked up absentmindedly to see a man wearing a jeans and a leather jacket above what looked like a tee-shirt. "Yes?"

There was a little embarrassed smile on his lips. "I'm sorry to disturb you, but is this the Government Building?" I nodded in silence, and his smile widened. "Good, There are some people I must meet there, and I was afraid I might be late--"

Earth shaking.

Storm on the ocean.

Blade coming down.

Crushing.

Tearing.

Destroying.

Shredding.

"Hey!" The voice seemed to come from very far away. "Hey! Can you hear me?"

"Shun!"

In China, an old man watched with dread as the black tower's foundations shook. On its door was an old sheet of paper that was flying with the wind. There was a name written on it, but that name had almost been worn away with the passing of time. Had someone tried to read what was written there, they might have deciphered a single word: "Athena". A gust of wind stronger than the others started tearing at the paper. It was a miracle it hadn't been torn to pieces yet. The old man bowed his head, whispering, "Only one left."

On the other side of the world, a young woman smiled to three men in Gold Cloth, saying, "It's time for me to go."

One of them shook his head and said, incomprehension shining in his dark blue eyes, "Why won't you let us accompany you?"

Gently she answered, "I need you to guard the Sanctuary, Aiolia, you know that. Besides, Virgo Shaka and Gemini Kanon are already in Japan. I can't foresee the outcome, but if worst comes to worst, it wouldn't help humanity if you perished with me. If I die, you'll be this world's last hope."

She looked away, towards the East, and added in a soft, barely audible whisper, "And I trust Shun."

I opened my eyes with difficulty and saw Sakurazuka Seishirou and the stranger bent over me. The stranger was obviously worried. I stood up slowly, and blinked in an attempt to clear my mind of the dizziness that didn't want to let go. "Daijoubu da."

The assassin nodded, and the man looked at us, incomprehension shining in his eyes. "How could you feel this? Who are you?"

I tensed, and in the same time Sakurazuka Seishirou laughed, answering, "I'd surmise it's because we're like you. My name is Sakurazuka Seishirou and this is Shun."

The man looked at us suspiciously, and then eventually said, "I'm Kusanagi Shiyu."

The seventh and last Dragon of Earth had come. Sakurazuka Seishirou looked to the left, his eyes distant, and he smiled, saying softly, "So, Hinoto-sama didn't throw all her strength in the defense of the Diet Building...amusing. Has the time come for her shadow to drop the mask, I wonder?"

I shot him a sharp glance. "What do you mean?"

He chuckled. "Didn't you feel it when you came into contact with her, Shun-san?" He shook his head. "It's true that you lack the ability to perceive those things, so let me explain: Hinoto-sama is a bit of a complex person, she's--how should I put it--cursed with a somewhat dark twin dream-self. She didn't show you all that she had Dreamed, and she hid from you important things that she knew. One is *you*."

I stared at him blankly for a few seconds, lost, and then realization dawned on me. With a sharp intake of breath, I said, "The only thing she wanted all along was that the Shinken came into being, and then was one. The Seals...she--" He nodded, and I shook my head. "But why? If she knows, then surely--"

With a helpless shrug, he cut me off. "I can only try to guess. I think she wants to be free of her Fate, of her life. I suppose she also wants revenge on all the people who come to see her, exploit her, see her like a tool, a means to an end, who don't see her as a human being with a heart, feelings and wishes. My best guess if that she wants to be free, whatever the cost. Of course she hid this knowledge from everyone, including her sister."

Then Kanoe didn't know. She really believed she could control what would happen. I sighed, feeling vaguely sick, and turned away from Sakurazuka Seishirou, saying, "Let's go in."

The assassin nodded. "Will you be able to walk? I'm afraid that the Shadow of Kamui wasn't very subtle or gentle in his destruction of the Seal."

An ironic smile came to my lips, and I replied, "I'll manage, thank you."

"Then our search has ended, and there's only one Seal left to destroy. The end is very near."

Kanoe smiled and bowed slightly to Kusanagi Shiyu. "I'm honored to meet you, Kusanagi-san. Welcome."

While Kusanagi Shiyu was bowing back, I felt ice abruptly gripping my heart. I suppressed a shiver and turned away, trying in vain to send the sensation away. Catching sight Yuuto standing not far away, I stepped to him, on impulse. I knew the name of the cold inside me: fear, terror, now that the time had almost come. Sweet Goddess, I was terrified. No matter how much I tried to chase the fear away, it always came back, stronger each time. Clenching my teeth, I focused on the blonde Dragon of Earth, with a single thought in my mind. I needed him.

I reached out to him, whispering, "Yuuto, I--"

His fingers closed around my hand and harshly pulled it away from him. Taken aback, I didn't react. His clear blue eyes were hard as he said, "Listen, Shun, you were the one who said I should never touch you again, ne? You deny me, which is your right and I respect it, but don't think I'm some kind of toy that you can use, coming to me one day and rejecting me the next. We had fun together, it was a good performance for a first-timer like you, and now it's over, so leave me be. Kanoe-san has requested my presence at her side for a while." With a cold smile, he added, "Then again, I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you came along. I wouldn't mind either, after all her bed is more than big enough for the three of us. It could even prove interesting."

I stepped back slowly, unable to tear my eyes away from him, my mind empty but for the endless echo of his words. This.... My hands closed into fists. Hell, why should I feel hurt? Why should I feel sorrow? There was no reason. He was nothing, he was nothing more than human vermin. I had used him, and I'd use him again. I had been a fool to think that I could rely-- I chuckled silently. I was indeed very gifted when it came to deluding myself. It had been pure stupidity to expect him to feel something for me, and it was far better like this. Yes, definitely easier. And besides, the pain had chased my fear away. In a way, I should have thanked him for saying this, for hurting me and sparking the flames of anger. The white-hot emotion was fast growing inside me, eclipsing the senseless fear. With a contemptuous smile, I told him, "Once you're done fucking, maybe we'll be allowed to end the game. I'll be waiting in my room. Have fun, Kigai-san."

I felt a cold satisfaction rising inside me as I saw my words strike. Then I turned my back on him and went away.

In a deep and secret part of my heart, something was weeping.

As I was about to exit the room, I noticed that the young man we had found in the labs hidden under the Sunshine 60 Building looking at me. The young man who had been created like a machine, and whose soul was that of a little girl who should have died years ago. On impulse, I asked him, "Tell me, Nataku-san, are you afraid of Death?"

The beautiful golden eyes stared at me during a long time, and finally he said, "What does being afraid mean, Shun-san?"

"So, will you at last wake up?"

Distantly I could feel hands on my arms shaking me. Thanks to some force of will I didn't know I possessed, I made myself open my eyes, and saw Yatouji Satsuki bending over me. She straightened and snorted. "Well, not a minute too soon! We're all going for the destruction of the last Seal." She sneered. "You were sleeping like the dead."

I stood up and stepped to the door, saying without looking back, "Indeed I was. Soon you'll be able to enjoy that sleep as well, Yatouji-san."

End of part 10.

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