[ Watashi ]

[ Tomodachi ]

[ Saint Seiya ]

[ Clamp ]

[ Fanfiction ]

The city was quiet and peaceful. Asleep. The silence around me was deep, as if nothing dared disturb the night. I looked up, and saw clouds masking the stars. The only things lighting the darkness were the scattered street lamps on my left. There was something almost eerie in the feeling of the air around me, it was heavy, weighing on me as if it was somehow trying to hold me back. With an empty smile I turned on the right and came to the entrance of the Togakushi Shrine.

I stared at the Torii during a long time, unmoving, only distantly aware of the steady beatings of my heart, and focused on the veil enshrouding my emotions. Feelings would only be a hindrance from now on, I was aware of that, and denying oneself like this was... No, this was simply acceptance of what would come to pass. This was the only course I could take, the only reasonable thing to do. Folly would only bring more harm. The truth was one.

I had been chosen.

At last, I turned away from the Torii and went in, a distant part of me grinned as it wondered what would happen if ever I dared ask for a blessing in this shrine. I chuckled silently in the night, shaking my head. It would have been ridiculous. The clouds moved in the sky, and the weak starlight showed me a trail of blood leading to the side of the house.

A woman.

Giving birth to a Holy Sword.

Her body ripped to pieces.

Fate.

Her Fate.

With a careful movement, my fingers cut a leaf on which remained a bit of dried blood. I looked at it impassively for a few seconds, then discarded it and let it fall slowly to the ground. This place had seen too many tragedies, it belonged to Death now, it was a fitting place. I felt a slight smile coming to my lips at the thought, and turned away from the garden to step towards to the house when a gentle breeze rose, rustling the tree leaves all around me. Something soft and delicate brushed past my right cheek, and I reached out, catching it and looking at it absentmindedly.

A beautiful sakura blossom petal.

All of a sudden I felt like laughing.

I walked slowly towards the house, and then leaned my back against one of the pillars supporting the roof, turning to face the trees.

"As I said, observing the way the pieces move on a chessboard is most fascinating and amusing, the more so when the game has a Knight as special as you are, Shun-san." I stared steadily at the tall man in long black trench coat. I had expected him, just as I had expected his knowing my name. He smiled, a smile in which there was no pretense of kindness. "I'm happy to see you again."

A slight sound broke the silence of the night as someone else appeared beside Sakurazukamori. "Sorry to be late."

I turned impassively towards Kigai Yuuto. Some part of me noticed that the night only served to enhance the perfection of his features in a dark, almost frightening way. He chuckled softly. "Sometimes it can be hard to tear oneself from the arms of a beautiful woman." I simply stared back at him, silent. I wasn't interested in the slightest in his night life. He made a small gesture with his right hand, as if waving away a pestering fly. "Oh well, it's nothing I can't settle anyway."

He stepped towards me in a slow, deliberate motion, adding in a whisper, "Life's chances can be strange, indeed." He stopped as he reached my side, and flashed a charming smile my way. "And I'm also happy to see you again."

He reached out to me and I caught his wrist in an iron grip, replying in a toneless voice, "I've got no time to waste in games, Kigai-san. I called you here because I've found that my place is to be among the Dragons of Earth. I'm aware of my Fate and I yield to what must be." Something flickered briefly in the clear blue eyes, a shadow which could mean anything, and I released him with a sigh. "It's late, and I'm weary. So I suggest we leave this place and go wherever it is your headquarters are."

He nodded slowly, his eyes locked on mine and the expression on his face unreadable. "Yes, of course."

He was interrupted by the sound of running steps. I whirled around, and saw four silhouettes passing beside the Torii, the bronze of their Cloths glinting under the starlight.

"Shun!"

I looked at my brother, and felt a protective shroud of darkness closing around my heart. Beside him, Seiya's hands closed into fists, and he adopted an defensive stance, exclaiming in a hiss, "Sakurazukamori!"

Sakurazuka Seishirou laughed, shrugging off the threat as if it was insignificant. Beside me I felt more than I saw Kigai Yuuto tensing, and a dangerous light came to his eyes. I turned my back on both Dragons of Earth and faced those whom I had called friends and who were the only family I had ever known.

I faced the one whom I had called my brother, and asked in a hollow voice, "What are you doing here?"

Hyoga shook his head, incomprehension and distress shining in his eyes. "Shun, we were worried about you. We saw the blood in the bathroom, and...we came to help."

My brother stepped forward. "Shun, what's going on?"

I stared at them steadily, ignoring the meaningless question, and told them, "You've got no business here, your place is back at the Graude Foundation, so go away now. I have no need for you."

The dark grey eyes of my brother met mine and held them, forbidding me to look away as he said, strain and worry plain in his voice, "Shun, I want an answer to my question, and I'll have it."

I shrugged, returning his gaze, and summoned a contemptuous smile to my lips. "If that's what it takes to get me rid of you, then you'll have it. I'm switching sides, I'm going to those among which I belong. Now that you know, leave us be!"

Shock registered on faces which turned livid in the blink of an eye. Seiya whispered in a blanched voice, unable to help himself, "No...no I can't believe it. It's not possible."

My brother walked towards me, determination shining brighter than flames in his eyes. "You're lying, Shun, I know you. This simply can't be. The young man I see before me could never say such words and mean them."

I laughed shortly, a bitter, mocking sound which pierced through the night. "Indeed!" I looked into the dark grey eyes and saw the pain and fear my word had sparked in them. I felt his fear for me, his love for me, and let out an inaudible sigh. It was all meaningless, without the least importance. He was nothing, nothing more than an obstacle in my way. I focused on my cosmo, and let it shine around me in a warning.

"Go away, Ikki." He froze when he heard the form of address I had used. In a quiet voice, I added, "Don't come any closer. Leave me alone, or you won't live to regret ignoring this warning."

During a long time, he simply looked back at me, silent, then he bowed his head, whispering, "I can't." His eyes searched myself desperately for anything which might betray a weakness in my resolve, but found none. Biting his lower lip he added, pleading, "Shun...what I see before me is a lie, and we both know it. I know your heart, I know you. I can't leave you with them, I can't let you damn your soul." He resumed his slow walk towards me. "I beg you, let me help you." He reached out to me. "Little brother, I love you."

I looked at his hand.

I looked at his face.

I looked at the love shining in his eyes.

A crack appeared in the dark veil protecting my heart.

A fist crashes against my cheek, throwing me down on the floor. Pain rises inside of me. I look up at the other boy who's watching me with contempt. He laughs, mocking me, mocking my weakness. He claims that I'm nothing but a coward, he says that the Graude Foundation is losing its time with me and that I ought to be sent back to the orphanage. I look wordlessly back at him, having no argument to oppose him. Even though I'm so young, I know this: hurting others is beyond me. Violence revolts me and gnaws at my heart. It would have been easy for me to avoid the boy's blow or return it, but it would also have prolonged this fight. And I refuse to fight, I refuse the strength I can feel inside of me.

Suddenly, someone runs to my side and sends the other boy flying with a single blow. He turns towards me, and kneels down. Very gently his fingertips catch a tear on my left cheek and he sighs, "Shun, you must learn to defend yourself."

I shake my head and throw myself in his arms, sobbing. He hugs me softly, and whispers, "I know, I know it's hard." He makes me look at him. "But it may be I won't always be there to protect you, so you must learn to be strong...for me, Shun. I love you so much, I couldn't bear it if ever something happened to you."

I stare at him along time, lost in his dark grey eyes, and eventually give him a slow nod. "I love you, Ikki-niisan. For you, I'll be strong."

His fingertips touched my cheek.

I felt my eyes widening at the contact, and let void invade my heart.

Then, feelings died.

In the sixth temple along the great flight of stairs leading to the heart of the Sanctuary, a man with long golden hair abruptly turned away from his Gold Cloth, his face a studied mask of indifference. His eyes closed slowly and he walked away.

Away from the sight of the impossible tears which were streaking down cheeks of gold.

In front of the statue of the Goddess, before Athena's altar, a young woman fell down on her knees, in a slow motion, as if struck at the heart. She bowed her head, and hugged herself, her shoulders shaken by silent sobs.

I looked impassively at the grey eyes and whispered in a toneless voice, "You were warned."

I let my cosmo shine brightly around me, and called upon the power that I had hidden from everyone during so many years. I lifted my left arm slowly and gently pressed the palm of my hand against his chest, invoking, Nebula Storm

The furious wind howled, and the Storm struck my brother with a devastating force. The whole energy of the Nebula focused on a single point, and pierced right through his heart. I watched in silence as his body was savagely hurled against a sakura trunk, and then fell slowly to the ground.

Somehow he managed to find the strength to look up at me, but Death was already written in the grey eyes.

Shun, I...lo....

As the Storm abated around us, life left him.

He was dead, and this time the Phoenix would never rise from his ashes. Never again. I searched within me, but it didn't evoke any response in my heart.

Nothing.

He had been nothing, unimportant. A simple inconvenience, quickly dispatched. So easily.

The emptiness inside me was all there was, the cold preventing pain from touching me and the icy coldness of Death enveloping me.

Protecting me.

I had no more use for my heart, no more use for feelings.

Turning away from the corpse, I looked at the three remaining Bronze Saints, and told them in the same toneless voice, "Take the body and leave, or you'll accompany him in death."

They stared at me for long minutes, silent and shocked to their bones. There were tears shining brightly in their eyes, and disbelief, sorrow and pain plainly written on their faces. At last, Seiya whispered, unable to completely restrain what might have been sobs from his voice, "Shun--"

Shiryu laid a hand on his left shoulder, holding him back and shaking his head silently, his night blue eyes locked on me. Hyoga gathered the corpse in his arms, and looked at me. I stared back at him, and saw sorrow slowly turning into anger. I sustained the fury and grief clouding his eyes, uncaring, and eventually they left the shrine without another word.

As they disappeared beyond the Torii, I turned away from them. The breeze landed a few sakura petals in my right hand and I looked at them absentmindedly. They were so soft, so fragile. My fingers closed on them, crushing them, and I let them fall on the ground. I looked up to see Sakurazuka Seishirou standing right beside me.

The assassin smiled, his one good eye set on me, as intent as a hawk's gaze on its prey. "A most efficient and elegant way to kill." He gave me a slight bow, adding, "Congratulations, you're very skilled indeed."

I snorted derisively, and replied in a soft voice, "I have no need for your appreciation, Sakurazuka-san. If I were you, I'd watch this irony and arrogance of yours, it could be your undoing. What killed the Phoenix Saint will also kill you as efficiently. And no illusion will be able to shield you from me." I smiled humorlessly. "Heed my advice, and keep a tight rein on your smart mouth."

Something which might have been anger or surprise briefly flashed into the mismatched eyes, and for a moment there was a deep silence between us. Eventually he bowed, grinning. "My thanks for the warning."

Dismissing the assassin from my mind, I walked away from him and stepped towards Kigai Yuuto. The blonde dandy was watching me silently, the expression on his face clouded and unreadable. I sighed as I reached his side, "Can we go now?"

He nodded and I followed him, absentmindedly noticing that Sakurazuka Seishirou had vanished among the shrine's sakura trees.

A black limousine was waiting for us on the street. He stepped to its side and quickly opened one of the rear doors. Just as I moved to get in, I felt--

Cosmo.

I blinked, trying to conceal the shock the feeling had given rise to, no, *was* giving rise to within me, pebble thrown into a quiet pond which triggered ripples after ripples, a disturbance which grew and grew....

Cosmo, so powerful its light shone brighter than the stars and moon.

Reaching out and touching mine.

Serene.

Gentle.

Golden light invading my being and chasing the darkness away.

Shun.

No. I froze as the ethereal voice resounded in my mind. Damn it, no! They couldn't! Not no, now that it was--

I know, Shun, fear not. He won't feel this.

I couldn't close myself to the voice, no matter how hard I tried, no matter how hard I fought it.

Shun, I forgive you.

I shook my head, slowly, denying the sounds which had no meaning, couldn't have a meaning.

Athena forgives you.

With that last whisper, the light died as suddenly as it had come, but Virgo Shaka's voice kept echoing in my mind, leaving a strange, distant pain in my chest.

All of a sudden I realized that Kigai Yuuto was watching me attentively, his eyes searching my face. Returning his steady gaze, I savagely closed the dark veil around my heart and went to the car. As I reached his side, the blonde man asked quietly, "Are you okay?"

I smiled coldly at him and snorted. "Of course."

I sat down in the car and waited for him to close the door.

The lift stopped, deep below the ground level. Just as the Diet Building had had a hidden side, it seemed the Government Building had a few secrets of its own as well. We stepped out of it and I followed Kigai Yuuto, ignoring the luxury and weirdness of the decoration around us. After a minute or two, we came to a door that he pushed open, letting me go through first.

I felt a humorless smile on my lips as I thought that the hall I was entering could have been a twin of the control room beneath the ruined coliseum. It was filled with machines, screens and wires scattered everywhere. The only striking difference between this place and the Graude Foundation's control room was some kind of cylindrical column standing at the center of the hall. There was a myriad of wires linking it to the other machines. Distantly I thought that the guardian program that had hindered our search earlier must have originated from this place. I walked in and stopped in the middle of the huge room.

Waiting.

Just as I stopped beside it, the cylinder's faces slid open noiselessly, revealing a girl encased in the metal, her body physically linked to the computers in the room, as if she was a machine.

Slowly the wires released her, and she freed herself from her metal shell, coming down towards me. She brushed past me without a word, the light in her eyes dull and uncaring, she and went to lean against one of the room's walls. On the other side a hidden door opened, letting another woman in.

Tall and sensual, with long black hair cascading down her back.

When I saw the third eye painted on her brow, I smiled in recognition. Of course.

She was wearing a silken negligee that left little to the imagination. A strange mirth rose inside me when I watched her pursing her lips as she caught sight of me. She came towards me and reached out, whispering while her fingertips lightly traced my left cheek, "So, this is the boy who troubles my dear Onee-san, the boy who clouds her Dream."

Who did she think she was to pet me like a lover? I took her hand away from my face and laughed in her face, snorting. "You're a fool." I locked my gaze on hers and felt a feral smile coming to my lips.

She had no idea of what she would bring about, she thought she could control Death.... She was nothing but Fate's tool.

I turned my back on her and walked away, saying, "I'm really in no mood for play acting, so if you'll please excuse me."

When I reached the door, the girl leaning on the wall smiled for the first time. "Interesting." Her eyes were set on me, staring straight at me without the slightest hesitation, as if she was unaware of the darkness clouding my eyes, or as if she didn't give a damn. "A human being who's not human." She laughed, a dissonant.

Ignoring her, I went through the door, calling to Kigai Yuuto, "I need you to show me where I can find bandages for my hand, and where I can sleep."

I looked at the dressing I had put on the wound, and thought it would have to do. By some miracle I didn't understand, none of the deep cuts had touched my hand's sinews. I carefully closed the closet's door, and went back to the room I had been assigned to. It was spacious and well lighted, everything around me was luxury...not that I gave a damn about that. I shrugged. On impulse, I walked out on the small balcony and stepped over to the stone rail, leaning my elbows on it and looking out.

The stars were shining in the night sky.

So beautiful.

So faraway.

A strange sensation was spreading through me, a dull ache which had no name. Pain, as if something was crushing my spine.

It was so distant that I was barely aware of it.

It flowed through my body, ran down my arms like a wild mountain stream, and hit my fingertips with an incredible strength, and then bounced back inside me.

Unable to get out of my body.

Unable to win free.

Resonating.

Enhancing the perception.

Endlessly.

I blinked, realizing that the meaningless sensation had almost managed to steal its way to the fore of my soul, and the danger there was in acknowledging it. My mind was empty, I couldn't let the storm reach it, I had no right to. I had silenced my heart, I had crushed my feelings.

Nothing mattered, nothing could matter anymore.

From very far away, I felt my body shaking.

"Hush."

Arms wrapped around me from behind in a gentle embrace and I tensed violently, turning my head to see who had dared disturb me. Kigai Yuuto. The clear blue eyes were locked on me. Unnerved for no reason I could have named, I asked him in a tight voice, "What are you doing here?"

A seductive smile flashed on his lips as he replied, "I thought you might not want to spend the night alone."

My eyes narrowed as the words registered in my brain. In a voice full of disdain, I told him, "You're propositioning me, aren't you?" I snorted. "I thought you already had female company."

He shrugged my words away, and I interrupted him before he could start another round of worthless banter, asking in a dangerously quiet voice, "Why would you want to waste your time with me?" I stared at him steadily, adding in a whisper, "Is it because it thrills you to think you'd bed Death ?"

He didn't answer and I looked away into the night, laughing bitterly. All of a sudden his embrace tightened a bit, and I was abruptly aware of the feeling of his body against mine. He bent down towards me, and I felt his warm breath caressing my neck.

In a soft whisper, he replied, "No." I tensed as his lips laid a gentle kiss on the right side of my neck, and he said, "You're beautiful, and I'm one who enjoys beauty." Reluctantly I turned my head towards him again. One of his hands brushed against my left cheek in a caress. The blue eyes were locked on mine, clear and true. "It's you I want, Shun. You."

The fingers of his other hand unbuttoned my shirt and slid inside, gently, skillfully stroking me.

Feelings...sensations...ice.

I shivered, trying with all my will to hang on to the cold shroud enveloping my heart. Focusing on the quickening vibrations of my heartbeats, I whispered tonelessly, "Hanase." My body started shaking. "Hanase." Pain. I felt it again, rising within like a storm. I shook my head desperately. "No...onegai."

Very gently he replied, "I won't hold you against your will. Free yourself if that's what you want, you're strong enough."

I looked away from him and stared up at the stars, wondering what the pain rising in my throat was. I could feel something burning my eyes, and try though I might I couldn't deny the sensation, it was too late.

Pain was filling the emptiness inside me.

Memories.

Ikki-niisan.

Dead.

By my hand.

No...no....

I savagely fought back the howl in my throat, facing the man named Kigai Yuuto, and hugged him with all my strength, hung on to him for sanity and fought for control. I could feel my body shaking feverishly, and I knew I'd fail. I couldn't bear this, I couldn't, I--

His arms closed around me and held me tight. He said in a quiet whisper, "I know, Shun. Believe me, I know."

I froze, looking at him, and asked, lost, "Then...why?"

Why are you doing this?

A strange smile came to his lips, sad and self-deprecating at the same time. With an almost imperceptible shrug, he replied, "Perhaps I'm more than what the eye perceives at first."

I stared into his eyes during a long time, seeing desire shining in the clear blue pools. Desire, and....

I needed him. I needed him or I'd go mad. Denying the sudden fear in my heart, I nodded. "Then make me forget." Again, I felt something that might have been tears in my eyes, and whispered between clenched teeth, "Take the memories away, give me oblivion for a time...please."

His fingertips ran through my hair in a tender caress, and he bent down slowly towards me. His lips gently pressed against mine, and I closed my eyes, accepting the kiss and his gift. Letting him touch me, and reach me.

A sweet sensation gently brought me out of sleep. I smiled as I felt fingers softly stroking my hair, and focused on the caress. I could feel a body resting against mine in the king sized bed. whispered a distant voice within me. Slowly I opened my eyes.

My head was resting against Kigai Yuuto's chest. I looked up at him, and found him smiling fondly at me. I said in a half-drowsy, half-wondering whisper, "You're still here."

He nodded, whispering back with a playful glint in his eyes, "Surprised, aren't you?"

Outside the darkness of the night were slowly turning to grey. In about an hour dawn would risen which meant that he had stayed by my side during the whole night. He had stayed with me, and he had guarded my sleep. I smiled back at him, nodding. "Yes. Won't people wonder where you are?"

He chuckled at that, waving away my concern. "No, don't worry." His index finger slowly traced the outlines of my face. "They know very well where I am, and Kanoe-san knows very well that I like to take my time to enjoy new toys."

I tensed in his arms, and pain savagely hit me.

A toy.

The thought echoed in my mind, echoed on and on, filling it along with a mad laughter, harsh and mocking.

He rolled on the side, and looked at me. His fingertips caught a single tear on my right cheek, and I distantly wondered why there was this burning ache in my chest. There had been no pretense between us, he had told me he desired me, and I had let him make love to me because I had needed that to keep sane. Why should his words hurt me so?

He bent over me and whispered softly in my ear, "Kanoe-san knows...*many* things." His lips laid a soft kiss at the base of my neck, and I held him tight, shaking. The way he had said it, the emphasis on the word "many"...it meant that there were things she ignored, it that meant he might.... Following an undeniable impulse which had come from the most secret part of my heart, I closed my eyes and let my cosmo flow and envelop him, touching his soul. What he had given me this night went beyond pleasure and oblivion, it went beyond what casual lovemaking was. I felt him tensing against me as he perceived the gentle touch of my cosmo, and then relax in acceptance. Something that might have been warmth spread through me then, and I told him in an almost inaudible whisper, "Boku wa...anata ga--"

His index finger gently pressed on my lips, silencing me. Shaking his head, he smiled a bit regretfully. "Some things are better left unsaid, Shun, ne?"

I leaned my head against his shoulder, nodding slowly. He was right, I knew it. Better never to utter those words, better to bury them and the emotions that went with them...but sweet Goddess it hurt. It was so hard to follow the path that must be mine, so hard.... Swallowing the sudden lump in my throat, I said simply, "Thank you for this night, Yuuto. I--"

Abruptly I realized that tears were running down my cheeks. Sorrow engulfed me in the blink of an eye, undeniable, as it had once before during the night. Yuuto's arms wrapped around me then, holding me close while his right hand softly stroked my hair. Somehow I managed not to scream the pain devouring me.

Somehow I managed to chase the guilt away.

The memories...I had to bury them.

Forever.

As he had done once before, Yuuto gently rocked me, as if I'd been a child, and whispered soft, soothing words in my ear. Slowly I regained control over myself, and focused on breathing more or less steadily. Without the man at my side, there was no way I could have kept my sanity, and he knew it full well. For him, I'd chase the madness away. For him, I'd kill my feelings, all my feelings. But not now...not yet. Once dawn came....

Eventually the tears stopped, and he released me from his gentle embrace, whispering quietly, "You'll be all right now, Shun. You need to rest, you're exhausted."

He was right. I felt a smile coming to my lips, unbidden. His lovemaking had been sweet and passionate. He chuckled fondly when he saw me blushing in remembrance. This night...I'd cherish the memory, I'd keep it preciously in a hidden place of my heart. It was the only weakness I'd allow myself. His lips met mine in a kiss both deep and tender, and when he released me, he asked, "So, do I really taste of lilacs and sunshine?" Gentle laughter followed the question, and then he stood up, careful not to take the sheets off me. One last time, he bent over me and his lips brushed against my brow in a tender caress. "Sleep now, will you?"

As if his words had held a spell, I felt my eyelids growing heavy, and sleep claimed me. Dimly, I heard him opening the door, and I thought I heard an almost inaudible whisper echo in the bedroom.

"Omae ga suki. Omae o...aishiteiru yo."

The door closed and darkness engulfed me.

End of part 7.

On to Next Part.
Or back to Previous Part.

Back to my Fanfic page.