[ Watashi ]

[ Tomodachi ]

[ Saint Seiya ]

[ Clamp ]

[ Fanfiction ]

I didn't want to leave.

There were many things I was not sure of, but this one I knew. I could not go away. I looked up at the blue sky, but the shapes formed by the few scattered clouds were neither funny nor cheery today.

I sighed, and absentmindedly looked around me, taking in the beautiful garden, the grass, the trees and the flowers, the sweet fragrance rising from the blossoms...

This place was peace, this place was happiness.

Oh, Heaven also was, but...

It was not right.

I didn't know why, but it was a mistake. I closed my eyes and saw the messenger once more. Oh how I wished I hadn't been there, how I wished he hadn't come...

I shook my head. Hisui-sama would have told me I was still young, Hisui-sama would have smiled the so kind and gentle smile that always managed to warm my heart and would have found a way to make everything all right again...

I let my right hand lightly brush the bark of a young sakura tree, trying to let the feeling of its texture fill my mind and chase away the disturbing emotions that were warring inside. They had no reason to be, no right to be.

I knew all that, and still...

I didn't want to go.

Because to leave meant...

It meant leaving Shuuichirou-san, maybe to never come back.

Heat came to my cheeks without my understanding why. My heart was beating so fast, fluttering like a wild bird about to be trapped...

How much time did I have left ?

It should have been immaterial to me. Time did not matter to an angel, I was not a human being, but...

Why was I feeling so unsure of myself ? So upset ?

There was not even a matter for choice or discussion. I would go when I had to. I would obey the command of Heaven, I knew I would. This was how it was supposed to be. This was the order of things. It was right.

But then, why was my heart treasuring the thought of staying ?

This strange pain squeezing my chest, was it sorrow ?

These things burning my eyes, were they tears ?

I was feeling so lost. Like on the day I had met Shuuichirou-san... He had taken me in, helped me, offered me a home...

I had been lost, and found.

Now I would be lost again.

Why ? Why was I feeling this way ? Heaven was my home, I should have been so happy at the thought of going back there, I was an angel, I did not belong among human beings... Did I ?

I sighed, then smiled apologetically to the sakura tree.

I had no business worrying it with the turmoil within me. I did not know if there was a solution to be found for my problem, but it was no reason to burden another living being with it.

A gentle breeze rustled the tree leaves and blossoms and I smiled, listening to its sweet music and feeling the delicate perfume of the flowers. I had to get a grip on my strange emotions and chase the worry away.

A furious meow resounded close to me and I turned on my left.

I raised a hand to my lips, feeling both mirth and appallment rising inside me. My friend the white cat was facing Shuuichirou-san, his fur raised and his ears flat on his skull.

I would never understand why the two did not get along, but now was not time to reflect on this anyway. I ran quickly towards the both of them.

The cat spat, ready to jump, while Shuuichirou-san simply stared at him, a puzzled expression on his face. I put myself in front of him, facing the angry animal and saying :

"Stop ! Please stop !..."

The white cat meowed questioningly, and I smiled, going to him. I knelt down close to him and soflty stroked his fur. At once, he began to purr contentedly, and I chuckled.

"There, you like this, don't you ?..."

I carefully scratched his ears.

"See ? No need to get upset like this, Shuuichirou-san is a nice and kind person, he would never harm you..."

The white cat closed his eyes, his fury gone like a sudden thunderstorm and he settled down to take a nap on the terrace basked by the light of the sun. Slowly, I got up, trying not to disturb him. As I got to my feet, I found myself facing Shuuichirou-san, and lost myself in his clear eyes.

Shuuichirou-san...

I...

I had told you I would grant your wish, in return for your help...

If I went away, then I wouldn't be able to keep my promise.

I...

No, I had no right to tell him, besides, I knew I had been more a burden than a help to him. Perhaps he would even be relieved to see me go. I forced a smile to come to my lips and bowed slightly, saying :

"So, now that this small matter is settled I will go water the garden if you will allow me..."

He did not answer, his eyes still fixed on me.

Seeing... What ?

Suddenly, I felt my heart going wild again, and turned away. I was a stupid child, really. I made to leave, and abruptly something closed on my left arm, stopping me. Squeezing so hard it hurt a little.

A hand...

Shuuichirou-san's hand ?

I turned around to find him right in front of me.

What...?

He reached out to me and instinctively I tried to step back, but he held me where I was. His fingers chased away a stray lock of hair that had been invading my face, then followed the line of my cheek in a feather light touch. Something inside of me shivered, half wanting to feel this during an eternity and half wanting to run away and hide somewhere. He whispered :

"Kohaku..."

My heart skipped a beat.

Shuuichirou-san had... called me ?...

What was this confused feeling invading me ? It was so frightening, and... He brought me against him and I closed my eyes, as if that could somehow undo what was happening.

"Stay..."

As I heard this single word, a great pain rose within me, a sadness so immense it was all I could do not to cry out. Dimly, I felt a drop of warm liquid running on my left cheek.

Shuuichirou-san...

Something brushed my lips in a gentle caress, tenderly, tasting of blossoms and sunshine, and...

I opened my eyes suddenly, feeling my heart beating madly.

Right above me, an apple tree blossom was bending under the weight of the morning dew. As I was watching it, a drop fell from its edge to land right on my lips, its taste that of blossoms and sunshine.

I bowed my head suddenly, raising my hands to my face.

A dream...

But... But why had I had such a dream ? It was so strange... And it was not right for me to have such weird dreams...

A child... Hisui-sama was right, I was too young, and I had many things to learn before I could become a good angel.

I got up and slowly walked away from the apple tree. The sun was already high up in the sky, and there wasn't a cloud to be seen. This was going to be a beautiful day. I smiled to the small birds in the tree, and they began to give me tons of advice again. I bowed and went away. I really had no time to listen to them today. I had to get ready to leave. Before that, I wanted to say good-bye to the garden, to all the plants.

A slight sound made me look to my right, and I saw Shuuichirou-san walking towards me. I felt a burning heat rising to my cheeks as the images of my dream came back in front of my eyes and bowed.

"A good morning to you Shuuichirou-san..."

I looked up to find him standing right in front of me. He was watching me closely, his face devoid of expression. Suddenly, he asked :

"What's wrong ?"

Could it be he had seen ? Oh... I stammered :

"No... Nothing at all... I... Have to see to the garden..."

I brushed past him, and his right hand closed around my arm, holding me back. I looked at him, a strange feeling of deja-vu filling my mind. Before I could react or move away, he bent down and his lips lightly brushed my brow. He released me, saying :

"Now you have a reason for blushing like that..."

Suddenly, a smile lit his face, and something warm and bright filled my soul.

Shuuichirou-san...

He was smiling...

Shuuichirou-san was smiling at me...

At *me*...

Was I back in my dream ?

He had never...

Something hit the side of my head, and I raised a hand in reflex to catch a twig. I looked up to see Kouryu perched on a high branch. He snorted derisively, saying in a mocking voice :

"Ah ! Look at this fool who blushes at what wasn't even the beginning of a kiss ! Really, you're pitiful, you even get into trouble by yourself, I wonder why I hang around you, it's not even fun anymore..."

I stepped back and he sneered.

"Well I'm happy you're leaving, at least I'll have him for my own, you won't be there to bug me anymore ! Good riddance !"

I winced, knowing that all that he had said was true.

Yes I made a poor angel, yes I always got into trouble.

Shuuichirou-san would be better off with me gone, everybody would be relieved...

I suddenly felt anger at the burning pain in my chest. Why was I feeling sorrow ? Was I so selfish ? How could I be ?

"Hush..."

Two powerful arms embraced me, and I suddenly felt a human body against mine.

Shuuichirou-san...

"We will find a way..."

His whisper was so soft and gentle... I could feel the caress of his warm breath on my neck... I closed my eyes, leaning back against him on impulse and whispering back :

"Hai..."

There was a strange confidence inside me. I was feeling so calm all of a sudden, so reassured... He was so close to me... Was this what was called trust ? It didn't matter much. All I knew was that it felt wonderfully good and warm. It simply felt *right*. Pain had left my heart. Yes, we would find a way. I opened my eyes, and Shuuichirou-san released me. I smiled at him.

"Thank you... Now I will go care for the garden."

He nodded and I turned away.

Around us, the birds were singing happily.

Now, I knew I was wanted, now I knew I belonged here. I felt the light shining brightly within me once again. It was all I had ever needed.

Everything would be all right.

End.

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