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Saturday Night Oyster

A Clamp (kinda, err...just read and you'll understand ^^;;) fanfiction by Ariane Kovacevic, AKA Fuu-chan.

I sipped at my glass of Bailey's and smiled. A light breeze was running through the living room, flowing between two opened windows in the appartement. It was a very good evening indeed. I listened as Karin kept on describing her current Daggerfall game. The music of Sazan Eyes was an enjoyable background sound after X and Kaze no Tairiku. I chuckled inwardly, thinking that even though we had not been watching any videos, still anime had been very present along the hours. We had been talking of various titles, and of course Clamp HAD resurfaced. Somehow, it was always impossible to talk about anime and manga without invoking Clamp-senseitachi...

And of course invoking CML and SOC.

A sound of galop interrupted us and we watched with amazement as Nathalie's two cats burst into the living-room, one chasing after the other and coming to stop beside us. Watching us with round - oh so innocent - eyes. Was it possible that cats liked Bailey's Ice Cream ? After about thirty seconds, they left the room, chasing each other again and soon we heard them wreaking havoc in Nathalie's bedroom. And those two cats loved each other...

We had been talking of things other than anime and manga. Cats, games, a bit of politics - a very small bit - Chinese cuisine... But of course when the time had come to guess what the dessert might be, Nathalie had given us as hint that it was something Umi-chan had regretted in MKR...

Hagen Daasz ice cream.

Michel had then said something like "Clamp-senseitachi are mad". And Karin, Nathalie and I had simply grinned at him. And then we had found ourselves discussing Tokyo Babylon.

And Sei-chan.

Somewhere along the discussion, Michel had said that we three were crazy, and Karin had answered him that he had married a crazy girl then. I rested my chin on the palm of my left hand and smiled again.

Yes, it was really a very good evening.

Nathalie and I burst out laughing as Karin told us of how her character in Daggerfall ended up catching some kind of sickness and became a wereboar. Michel commented that it was far less noble and interesting than being a classical werewolf. Upon which Karin mumbled something unintelligible and Michel said :

"She's a werepig !"

I laughed, and made an evil connection, grinning.


Nathalie looked at me and we laughed harder than ever.

Truly, it started then.

Michel looked at Karin's face, flushed from laughing and faking annoyance, and said conspirationally :

"Pay attention, now she's gonna go 'Bite bite bite bite' like Ryoga does..."

And then he smiled widely :

"I know I must not spoil you Nathalie, but here is how Tokyo Babylon ends..."

I though to myself :

Uh ho...

I looked at Karin who looked back at me as Michel began his tale :

"At the end, Hokuto wants to get very strong to help her brother and thus goes to China to undergo training. She arrives at the Jusen springs, and falls into one of the springs. Then Subaru and Seishirou arrive to save her, and Seishirou falls into the Oyster Spring..."

I felt a laugh coming up my throat.

"Of course, a thousand years ago, a poor oyster fell into this spring and drowned, it is a tragic story, and ever since, all those who fell into this spring got transformed into oysters themselves..."

He couldn't go on. We four rolled on the floor laughing like crazy.

I had this picture of Sei-chan in the shape of an oyster in my mind...

My sides began to hurt seriously, and I thought to myself that I should try to control my mirth. I managed somehow to stop laughing and said :

"You forget, an oyster with SUNGLASSES !"

It was a mistake to say that.

Because we started laughing even harder.

I put a hand on my mouth to control my urge to spit the sip of Bailey's I had just drunk, and Michel said :

"Imagine the oyster Seishirou hopping around, with its cute little sunglasses !"

Of course the picture formed in my mind.

That is when my sides began aching seriously.

From the Sazan Eyes CD, Pai was making a tragic monologue.

Even the sound of cats' wild chases was covered by our laughs. We couldn't stop it anymore. It was awful. My sip of Bailey's was stuck somewhere at the chest level and hurt like hell, but... Gods it was just too hilarious.

Too absurd.

Too good.

As I was slowly regaining my serenity, Karin said :

"Poor Seishirou, it isn't very dignified to have an oyster be the Guardian of the Mound of the Sakura !"

We started again.

And I thought that this time I would laugh myself to death.

A few minutes later, I said :

"Imagine the oyster hopping around and a few sakura petals floating over it..."

It felt as if my ribs were cracking. Michel added :

"Imagine now Newyear's Eve in 1999, and everyone having a party..."

I smiled pleasantly :

"Yeah, and of course at the party's end, Subaru eats the oyster !..."

With a very serious face I sighed, shaking my head.

"Incredible, from a dramatic atmosphere to hilarious and absurd we come to yaoi..."

Michel and Nathalie looked at me uncomprehendingly.

"What ?"

Karin was keeping a very straight face, which told me she had gotten my meaning.

I giggled.

"When you know the meaning of the word 'eat'... In Wish, Hisui has been eaten, which means made love to..."

I grinned.

"And thus from a dramatic atmosphere to hilarious and absurd we come to yaoi... What a story !"

I laughed.

Nathalie asked :

"Yaoi ?"

It was all I could do not to spit out a spoonful of ice-cream. I proceeded to explain what yaoi was, and concluded on another possible ending :

"Or on the Promised Day, a rain downpour catches Seishirou as he's running towards Tokyo Tower and a small oyster joins the final battle hopping, excusing itself for being late !"

I tried to focus on the melting Bailey's ice-cream while Michel was saying :

"Ariane you really should write a crossover between Tokyo Babylon and Ranma1/2 and..."

I exclaimed, horrified and laughing :

"No way !"

Nathalie said wisely :

"You know Ariane writes serious and tragic stories, not the funny kind."

I nodded to this very enthusiastically and Karin said :

"It's a mistake though. Look at Clamp : they make up funny characters, they make us laugh at them so that we grow to like them a lot, and once we're well attached to them, they kill them off..."

I made a face at Karin, saying :

"Not my style anyway !"

Michel pouted.

"Too bad. I had a title 'The Oyster Strikes Back - The Return 2'..."

I shook my head.

"Nope, call it 'The Day of the Oyster'..."

Michel added :

"Seishirou is a wereoyster..."

Nathalie, Karin and I repeated :


Michel was mimicking the oyster hopping around with his left hand. I repeatedly hit the table with my right fist, laughing like a madwoman. Nathalie helpfully said :

"It's okay if you wanna spit the Bailey's Ariane, there's a bowl right here !"

Michel said :

"Hey, it's already almost full !"

I got a grip on myself and showed them the empty bowl, sticking out my tongue at Michel.

"It's empty, see ?..."

Still laughing, I said :

"Seishirou, the wereoyster with the sunglasses..."

I shook my head.

"No I can't write that ! But I'm gonna tell of this evening on SOC, and then once you have the time to join, everyone will already be warned about you and know how evil you really are !"

Nathalie grinned.

"It must be too late for that already, no ?"

Karin nodded.

"Can you imagine that she said on CML that I had said the first time I saw Sei-chan in X 'he looks sick and too thin, poor Sei-chan'..."

I smiled.

"The comment was relevant in the discussion at the time..."

I shook my head.

"I'm really gonna tell this to SOC, I can't let this pass..."

Michel asked :

"So will you write a fic or simply tell what we said ?"

I shrugged.

"I don't know yet, all I know is you won't escape this."

And the evening went on...

At about 3:00 AM, we decided to call it a night, and we left the table. The breeze blew gently in the living room, bringing inside the fresh air of the night.

We froze.

It was carrying a small delicate sakura blossom petal.

We looked at it, paralyzed. It fell slowly in my ice-cream bowl, and suddenly we ran and dived under Nathalie's bed to hide.

In the appartement, the two cats kept on chasing each other.


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