[ Watashi ]

[ Tomodachi ]

[ Saint Seiya ]

[ Clamp ]

[ Fanfiction ]

Black and purple, blood, all over... Death, pain, despair... Destruction... Cries... Devouring flames, laughter... Shining blade tainted in red... Death... Death... Death...

My eyes snapped open all of a sudden, and the vision mercifully lost its hold on me. I tried to move, but couldn't. My brain gave the order, but my limbs refused to obey. There was almost no more pain, my whole body felt strangely numb. Panicked, I tried to move again, without success. A weak moan escaped from my throat, and suddenly a small light broke through the darkness.

I was lying in a comfortable bed. A solitary figure came towards me, bearing a candle. Dread gripped my soul as I saw again the horrible vision of my death and of the end of the world. I shuddered.

"Hey... Don't be afraid... You're going to be all right..."

The voice was gentle. That voice... I seemed to remember it from somewhere... As he put the candle on a nighttable, I recognized the man and said, astounded :

"Ku... Kujaku ?"

He smiled.

"So... You do remember me..."

As if one could forget those features and those deep purple eyes... I felt an answering smile coming to my lips, unbidden. Gods, one's heart was doing strange things again.

"You had me really frightened for a while you know..."

His right hand closed on my bare forearm and pressed softly. I could feel him. I could still feel... Then... Suddenly, I realised I was almost naked under the bed sheets and blushed.

"You... What happened ? What am I doing here ? Where is here anyway ?"

His eyes locked on mine.

"This is my home. I brought you here once a doctor assured me you weren't in danger anymore... You threw yourself in front of my car is what happened. I tried to avoid you, but I couldn't. You came out of nowhere... I'm so sorry..."

There was worry in his eyes. I smiled.

"You're not responsible, I was..."

I cut myself abruptly, deadly afraid of reviving the memories of what had led to the accident. I couldn't remember that, I couldn't ! I looked away during a long time, then asked him :

"I can't seem to move... Is there serious damage in my back ?"

He shook his head.

"No... No, don't worry. You have been given a heavy dose of pain killer and anaesthetic... It'll take some time before the effects wear off... You have a few broken ribs, a strong concussion and your right shoulder's been torn out of its socket... Ah yes, I forgot about your right ankle : it's twisted. No horse riding for a while I'm afraid..."

He chuckled, then became serious all of a sudden.

"You're very lucky to be alive miss Fiona..."

His fingers soflty brushed my cheek and pushed away a rebel lock of hair. He whispered :

"I really don't know what I would have done if you had died..."

The touch of his hand... I... Was a fool. Absolutely. As usual. Damn, this wasn't exactly the right time for falling in love... I tore my eyes from his and said :

"I have friends who are certainly worried about me... Could you warn them of what happened ?"

He nodded.

"It's already been taken care of. Don't concern yourself. You need to rest and heal."

I felt exhausted, it was true, but... He made as if to leave, and I said :

"Wait !..."

He looked at me curiously. I whispered :

"Please... I... Don't go... Don't... Take the light away..."

I was terrified of the darkness, terrified of reliving the vision. I knew it was waiting for me to close my eyes to engulf me again. I felt tears coming to my eyes.

"The dark... I..."

His index finger caught a tear and he smiled.

"Hey... You really need to sleep... There is nothing to fear, I will stay by your side if you wish..."

He bent over me, and his lips laid a gentle kiss on my brow.

"There. Sleep now Fiona... Sleep."

Unable and unwilling to resist, I closed my eyes.

I leaned the palm of the right hand against the bay window and watched the garden, admiring the bright and fiery colours of the autumn leaves. I had only managed to get up at noon. Breathing hurt like hell, and my vision was dim from time to time, but everything seemed to be in place. I shook my head, adjusting the housecoat around me. There had been no dreams, no nightmares, but since I had awoken, the vision had come back to haunt me. Whatever it meant, whatever it was, I couldn't free myself of it. I shivered.

I hugged myself cautiously, wary of my ribs. What had happened ? What was it I had seen, and was still seeing now ? Why wouldn't it go away ? I closed my eyes and gripped my teeth, shaking my head desperately. It was torturing me mercilessly, it was driving me crazy ! I wanted it to stop, I wanted to forget !

"Enough !"

The pain blinded me during a few seconds. Crying was a mistake, I knew that but I couldn't keep the storm raging inside of me. Suddenly, arms embraced me gently from behind and I felt a body against mine.

"Hush..."

I could see Kujaku's reflection in the bay window. My heart skipped a beat. I felt a slow blush coming to my cheeks and all of a sudden all my thoughts about the vision receded far away. How could his presence have that effect on me ? Oh hell, I knew how, and all at once it made me mad. Mad at myself and mad at him. I was almost sure he knew very well what his attitude was doing to me. Damn him. As I decided to move away, he whispered soflty :

"Tell me... What's wrong ? Why are you so afraid ?"

I trembled in his arms, feeling his breath on my neck. I couldn't move away. He was my only defence against the vision. His strong and comforting presence was my shield... I said :

"I had a dream... Maybe a nigthmare, I don't know... It was... I saw people dying all around me, everyone... died... There was so much pain... It won't let go, it goes on and on in my mind, endlessly... What can I do ?"

He hugged me very gently, and stayed silent for a long time, then smiled suddenly :

"Well, you could make lots of money with such a vision of the Apocalypse, maybe you should write a book..."

I turned to him, furious.

"This is no joke ! It..."

I winced as the pain in my ribs flared up again. I shook my head.

"It was real..."

His index finger rested lightly on my lips, silencing me.

"Real enough to you I'm sure... But the world of dreams and the reality are different, even if part of the same whole. How do you know the true meaning of your nightmare ? Maybe you simply ate something you shouldn't have... What I want to say is you shouldn't let it obsess you that way. If you need to find an answer, do so calmly. Life goes on around you. Don't you see ? The birds sing, the leaves fall, the sun is about to set, people are coming home from work and tomorrow the sun will rise and the same people will go to their offices... This is not the settings of the End of the World now, is it ?"

His finger left my lips and I shook my head, sighing.

"Maybe... I don't know..."

There wasn't even a logical reason to explain my reaction to the vision. I didn't know why I so completely believed in it, and I had no clue as to what that vision had been either. This whole thing was completely irrational.

Ashura was busy making a fuss with my cat. I smiled as I watched them. They really got along well. Yasha was observing all this with a dubious look on his face. That man seemed unable to lose that serious expression of his. I would have bet the number of times he had laughed could be counted on the fingers of one hand. I finished clearing the dishes from the table, and winced a little as I made a movement taxing my ribs. It had been two weeks since the accident, and I was told I was healing quite quickly and correctly.

I hadn't talked to Ashura and Yasha of the vision I had had, or about Kujaku. I didn't know what I felt towards him. I didn't understand his attitude. He was so strange... He had helped me, but... There was something not quite right about him... Slowly, I had mastered the terrible pictures and feelings of death, and I could now keep them at bay... Most of the time.

"Ashura !"

I turned around, startled. My cat broke from the young woman's hug and spat, terrified. Ashura was trembling feverishly. Her expression was one of absolute terror and pain. She was pale as a corpse. Yasha rushed to her side. I went to them, but Ashura said, desperate :

"No... Go... Go away..."

Her features contorted and a grimace of pain and... Hatred inscribed itself on her face. Yasha cried :

"Go Fiona ! Go away now ! Please !"

There was a plea in his eyes. Afraid for them, I obeyed and went quickly out. I had to go to the riding club anyway, but... A picture of Ashura as she had run into me at night came to my mind and I felt a long shiver running along my spine.

I laid down my wheelbarrow and painfully got four trusses of straw. My damn ribs hurt, as well as my shoulder. Shit, I couldn't stay months without taking care of the horses, I simply couldn't. I lifted the trusses and arranged them on the wheelbarrow. Once that was done, I went to the pile of straw trusses and leaned against it, closing my eyes and sighing, exhausted. Curse it. I wasn't in good shape. I tried not to think of Ashura and Yasha, I tried not to remember the expression on her face, not to see again the pleading look in his eyes. Why had they chased me away ? What was wrong wiht Ashura ? Why didn't they want me to help ?

"Hey ! who do we have here ?"

I opened my eyes to see the smiling face of Kujaku. He looked dubiously at the wheelbarrow and asked me :

"Are you sure you're up to such a hard work ?"

I shrugged, freeing myself from the pile of straw and going to the wheelbarrow.

"I'm up to anything I have to do..."

As I brushed past him, his fingers grabbed my right arm and I stopped, feeling the pain in my shoulder reawakening. He stared at me steadily.

"Is it the fear of your vision that makes you so distant, or is there another reason ?"

I felt blood rising to my cheeks. He nodded.

"I see..."

Before I could move, he came behind me and held me close. I tensed.

"You..."

This couldn't be happening. Couldn't ! No... I suddenly felt his lips brushing lightly the base of my neck and shivered. Distantly, I knew I could have freed myself, but... I didn't want to. Everything was wrong. I shook my head, whispering :

"Why are you doing this ?"

He chuckled softly.

"Because you want me to..."

I trembled in his arms.

"I..."

He kissed the sides of my neck, saying :

"If I'm wrong, tell me and I will let you go. You only have one word to say Fiona."

No... I didn't want this, I didn't want to feel what I was feeling, I never wanted to be hurt again ! I tried to say no, but no sound could pass through my lips. I felt tears running on my face. Pleading, I said :

"This... This is no game for me... I... Don't play with me like that...."

Gently, he made me face him. He wiped away my tears and said, locking his purple gaze on mine :

"I am not playing Fiona, I assure you..."

He bent over me, and his lips kissed mine, softly. Unable to help myself, I yielded to his embrace and let go. As he released me, I backed away. My hands closed into fists, and I looked at him. Curse it. I didn't know who I hated more, him for doing this or me for allowing him to. Damn. Damn it to all the hells ! Fighting the choking pain in my heart, I said in a strained voice :

"You happy now ? Feeling proud perhaps ?"

I bowed my head.

"Damn you... Damn you... Why ? Do you take me for a fool ? I know who I am and how I look... And I also have eyes to see you. There's no way someone like you would consider laying eyes on the likes of me and I know it !"

Suddenly, his index finger held my chin up, making me look at him. There was no trace of laughter on his face. He said earnestly :

"I am not playing, I told you. I would never do such a thing. I love you Fiona..."

My left hand shot out and grabbed his, taking it away from my face. I laughed bitterly.

"Sure... Now you're going to tell me you loved me at the moment you saw me for the first time. Man, you shouldn't read so many cheap books ! What kind of a fool do you think I am ?"

He smiled gently.

"If I can't feel love for you, then how do you name what you're feeling towards me ?"

Taken aback, I looked at him helplessly, then shook my head.

"Contrary to you, I am a fool..."

He laid a hand against my left cheek, tenderly.

"Maybe we both are Fiona... I know you're afraid, I know... But please give me a chance... You have to take some risks, or you'll be alone forever, and I'm sure you don't want that... Do you ?"

No... No I had had more than enough of loneliness. He gathered me in his arms and I let him, surrendering to the feeling in my heart. He stroked my hair softly, and then pushed me gently away, saying :

"So, since this matter is settled, why don't you let me help you with that wheelbarrow ?"

End of Part 4.

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