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Erin's Gift - Part 2.A Tokyo Babylon fanfiction by Ariane Kovacevic, AKA Fuu-chan. I stared at the rectangular wood box on my right with perplexity. I had never seen supper being served in such a strange fashion. The box was full of small white grains which seemed to stick to each other, a foreign dish I had heard called "rice", and on top of this bed of rice there was a piece of grilled eel. The whole thing looked weird but delicious, and the scent I could smell rising in the air was enough to make my mouth water in anticipation. There was but one small problem: the two thin wood sticks which I had been given in the same time as my supper. I supposed I could guess what they were for, after all I knew that the sophisticated English Lords liked using forks and knives to eat their food. I was no high-born lady, and I had no idea how to use fork and knives to eat food, and much less those twin wood sticks. Thank the spirits I was alone here in my room, or I'd have had to make a fool of myself in public. When we'd reached the shukuba-machi we were supposed to stay in for the night, I had wanted to lead the horses away to the stables, as I did every night, taking advantage of that to remain with them and to avoid having to mingle with the soldiers or the courtiers. However, tonight I had been invited by Sakurazuka Sekai to share the common evening meal, and the only excuse I had found to refuse the offer without offending him had been to pretend I felt unwell...which had resulted on my being forced to take residence in one of the inn's rooms instead of being able to enjoy the peace and quiet of the stables. Well, at least I was alone to wrestle the secret of how to eat my supper with the alien tools I had been provided. I was more than a bit tempted to use my hands as I had done all my life, but there might come a time when I'd have no way of escaping taking a meal in public. Sighing, I picked up the box with my left hand and the sticks in my right. Hmm. It would not do. I watched the small piece of eel as it slipped in a slow, irremediable fashion, escaping the uncertain embrace of the wood sticks, and decided I couldn't eat in this impeccably clean room. I set the piece back down in its box right before it could fall for real and grease the wooden floor, and then I stood up, going for the sliding panel which opened on the inn's inner garden. Here. I smiled, leaning back against an old maple tree, and breathed the perfume of the night. The breeze brought to me whispers of English and Nihongo words mixed together in a strange, comical incantation, and I couldn't help chuckling. I rested my left cheek against the tree's rough bark and closed my eyes for a second, listening to the flow of its life and to the world around me. Drowning in its immensity. The smell of the food I was holding in my left hand abruptly brought me back, and I considered the wood sticks in my right hand once more. "They won't bite you, you know." I started, completely taken by surprise, and saw Sakurazuka Sekai lightly jumping down the edge of the terrace and walking in my direction, as soundless as the wind brushing a blade of grass. As I watched him coming towards me, I fought the blush of guilt I could feel coming to my cheeks. Damn, how was I going to explain my presence here when I was supposed to feel too sick to attend the common meal? When he reached my side, he looked down at my right hand awkwardly grasping the wood sticks, and smiled genially. "Ah, I think I understand the problem. May I?" Without further ado he took my right hand in his, and made me rest one stick against the edge of my middle finger and the hollow between thumb and forefinger. Then he made me balance the other against the edge and the base of my forefinger, saying, "You see, the first stick doesn't move, it's the other which is used to hold the piece of food against it. It's easy, just look on the chopsticks as you would on pincers." Baffled and amused at the same time, I nodded, smiling despite myself, and told him, "Yes, thank you, Sakurazuka-san." He released me and I started eating slowly, fearing that the delicate balance of the wood sticks on my right hand would break and that I'd spill my food everywhere. Eventually, I began to get the knack of it, and when I finished the meal, I gingerly put the wood box on the ground. As I stood, I looked at him and bowed slightly, wondering what he was doing here. Hoping he wouldn't be offended at my obvious deception. "You seem to be feeling a lot better now." I didn't reply, aware of the faintest trace of irony in his voice. Waiting. I'd have given a lot to be back in the stables with my horses. "Your countrymen didn't seem to be worried about you, they even looked like they were relieved you wouldn't be present. One of the young nobles called you 'fey', but he wouldn't explain when I asked him the meaning of that word. He tried to cover it, but he was afraid." Sakurazuka Sekai's voice faded into silence, and I didn't reply anything. I had no need to be reminded of how people saw me, on how alien I seemed to them. On how lonely I had been, and would always be. No, I had no need of that. None. "Tell me, Aislinn-san, what does it mean?" I looked down at the grass at my feet, unwilling to give him an answer. Aware I would have to, no matter how the words would hurt. He waited while the silence stretched on between us, a quiet presence by my side. Silent and determined. Eventually, I stared up at the maple tree's canopy of leaves and branches above us, and whispered in the darkness, "It means that in their eyes I am different. It means that they think I feel and know things that they can't, it means that they think I am not really like them, not really human. And it frightens them." I suddenly realized I had clenched my hands into fists and that I was tense, almost like a horse expecting to be beaten. I bowed my head, gritting my teeth as I waited for him to express the same disgust and contempt mixed with fear which had been the only emotion my existence had ever given rise to in strangers to my clan. "And what's the truth behind their superstition, Aislinn-san?" Truth? Why did he want the truth? Why did he care about that? I chuckled sorrowfully, shaking my head. "Ask them." A hand brushed my left shoulder, and touched my cheek, pushing back unruly locks of hair which had invaded my face. "No. I'm asking *you*. Why do you let words rule your life? Why do you let superstition ruin the way outsiders see you? Why do you allow them to shun your presence and shut you out? Why don't you ever sit down with even the nobles' servants?" I slowly turned to face him, trapped by the gentleness in his voice. I looked straight into the beautiful black eyes, and once again saw this thing I had glimpsed there once before. Sincerity. I stared at him for a long time, waiting for him to break the moment, but he didn't waver, sustaining my gaze and apparently unmoved by the sight of "the witch's eerie green eyes looking into his soul". Eventually I nodded, and told him with a crooked smile, "You have one heart, Sakurazuka-san," I reached out to him, ignoring the faintest sensation of cold as my hand went through the strange, unreal cloak of ripples surrounding him; and when the tip of my right forefinger touched his chest I added, "here." I turned away from him, facing the inn and the barely audible sound of whispered conversation in the common room. "Mine was sundered at birth. One half is there, among the bright, warm light of a fire and the comforting words of companions and friends, but that half fears me and loathes me. The other," I rested my hand against the maple tree, and focused on it, "is here, with the forests, the lakes and the skies...and it loves me. It embraces me...." I let my voice drop into the night, unable to go on. There was a lump in my throat, all of a sudden, an abyss opening under my feet as the words I had uttered started dancing around me, mocking shadows casting ghostly shapes everywhere I looked, blocking my way, imprisoning me. The truth hurt, implacable. I had know it would, but the wound in my soul kept bleeding, oozing a tearing pain which seeped into my whole being and threatened to overwhelm me. At last, I managed to keep it locked within, and looked up. Sakurazuka Sekai hadn't moved. He was still standing there, one step on my left, and he was smiling. Smiling at me. A gentle, beautiful smile. "I'm sorry. In insisting to get an answer, I made you reopen a painful wound. I'm not sure I understood what you told me, but believe me it's no reason to behave around you like they do. You're a fine young woman, a strong and skilled member of their delegation and if they're stupid enough not to realize it, well it's their loss." He held out his right hand, and his fingers closed around my arm, squeezing it comfortingly. "Whenever you want advice on how to eat food with chopsticks, come to me and I'll be glad to help." That said, he went away in the night, as silently as he had come. I sat down in the grass, leaning back against the maple tree, and sighed. He hadn't understood, as I had known he wouldn't, but at least he hadn't rejected me. I suddenly noticed the wooden box and the chopsticks right beside me, and picked them up. I had almost forgotten about them.... Looking out towards the common room where lights were still shining brightly and people seemed to be having fun talking, I thought that perhaps that half of my heart hated me a bit less now. Just a little bit less. Nia's ears pricked up as she saw and heard one of the Nihon horses cantering towards us. They were small, those foreign horses, almost as small as a big pony. When I had first gotten a glimpse of them, I had understood why Sakurazuka Sekai's interest had been aroused by the gifts we were bringing. The five steeds I was leading had elicited stares whenever we had passed through villages and even among the soldiers making up our escort. It had been twelve days since we had left the town of Saga, and nine since we had crossed the narrow straits separating the island of Kyushu and the main island of Honshu. From the port town of Shimonoseki, we had been able to travel on wide and very well maintained routes that the soldiers called kaido. I had been surprised to find such convenient ways of getting from one place to another, almost equal if not superior to the king's ways I had known all my life. When I had inquired about it, I had been told this was the result of the shogun Tokugawa's policy. In a move designed to prevent the lords under his rule from plotting grasps for power and sparking civil wars while staying safely away from his court, he had established the Sankin Kotai law. That law forced every noble of this country to reside in the shogun's capital every other year, and thus those routes had been built all over Nihon to provide them with a convenient way of traveling between their estates and the city of Edo. Nia snorted, bringing me back to reality, and I saw Sakurazuka Sekai grinning at me from the small Nihon horse's back. "We'll reach the town of Himeji soon. We'll stop there for the night, I want to avoid Kobe, big cities are always a bigger security hazard." I looked up at him with a puzzled expression, wondering why he was bothering to tell me that, and he added, "Mochizuki Katsuyori, the local Daimyo, has expressed the wish to see the gifts your delegation is bringing to the shogun. He will be present to review your horses." He shrugged, and I suddenly realized there was a slight tension in his stance. "I personally think it's unwise, but there's no help for that." He stared at me steadily. "Make sure your charges behave, Aislinn-san." That said, he turned his horse around and rejoined the head of our small column. I watched the direction into which he'd disappeared for a while, pondering his words and the faintest trace of emotion which had been present behind them. I wasn't even sure it had been tension. It could have been anger, resentment, frustration, edginess or even anticipation. I sighed. Why had he delivered such a warning? I had no need for it, I knew what my duty was, and I was good at my task, as he himself had said.... Something tugged at my hair, pulling me backward, and I realized Aodhan had reached my side silently, and had taken advantage of my absentmindedness to catch a lock of my hair between his teeth. Rascal! have you no shame?! The great chestnut freed me and shook his head in a comical fashion, with absolutely no feeling of repentance whatsoever about him. I laughed helplessly, giving him a slight slap on the left cheek, and then started walking again. Fortunately the five steeds were rather clean, I had had enough time to groom them in the morning, and the dry weather had spared us mud and rain. The horses' coats weren't as shiny as they should have been, but it was only dust and I knew I could get rid of most of it if given a little bit of time. So, let this lord satisfy his curiosity for the my horses, he wouldn't be disappointed. There was still at least three hours before sunset when we stopped. The town we had gone through had been a relatively small one, but the more we neared the heart of Nihon, the more people we met on the road and in villages. They always stared, as if to them we were weird aliens...which likely we were, when I stopped to think about it and how they must feel. Sometimes, there was hostility poisoning the air, but that stemmed more from fear of the unknown than from true hatred. However, I was glad we always spent the night in places where we were alone and didn't disturb other people, either just outside of towns or like in this instance within the local lord's castle walls. Luckily Lord Fitzgerald and his courtiers had asked to be able to freshen themselves up and have a change of clothes before they met with Mochizuki Katsuyori. That had allowed me to give all five horses a well-deserved grooming. I looked at them, aligned in the middle of the castle's yard, and felt pride surging in my heart. How beautiful and proud they were, shining with the sunlight, tall and true to stock. Smiling to myself, I thought that it was almost as if I was back in Erin and presenting my horses in competition with those of a rival clan. We were out to make an impression, and I was quite sure of our success. Looking beyond Sakurazuka Sekai's men who'd paced themselves in solemn ranks, I wondered when Lord Fitzgerald and Mochizuki Katsuyori were going to appear. At last, there was a nervous movement in the soldiers, which the horses immediately picked up, and I knew they had finally decided to grace us with their presence. Not a minute too soon. I patted Laigen's neck reassuringly. Inwardly I snorted as I saw the nobles coming towards us. My, but they loved solemnity. The attitude of the soldiers, and even that of Sakurazuka Sekai was astounding. I had never known that people could abase themselves so before a simple human being. That Mochizuki Katsuyori was a noble was well and good, but still.... Fear. I froze as the wild emotion swirled around me like the wind. Like a storm. Rising. On my left, Nia was slowly lowering her ears, wary. She wasn't the source of the feeling, but she had picked it up as well and she didn't know where it was coming from.... I turned my head and saw that Lord Fitzgerald was leading Mochizuki Katsuyori towards Liath. And the great dapple-grey.... Terror. The stallion's eyes were darkening, and I could feel the air suddenly bristling with tension. Liath, hold. Dear spirits, the two men were less than ten steps away from the horse, and Liath hadn't heard me. Liath! Nothing. I watched helplessly as the raw emotion took hold of the grey stallion, uncomprehending. What was going on? Why was Liath so afraid, there was nothing.... Beside me, Nia had frozen, her powerful muscles taut, the tension in her wanting release. Wanting release *now*. And the three others were picking it all up, and they were starting to react. Five war horses let loose, stalked by terror.... Blood would be spilled, and then.... No. Hell, no. I didn't care about consequences for myself, but I had to intervene. I had to protect them. Leaving Nia's side, I flung myself forward and ran. I reached Liath before Lord Fitzgerald and our host had time to make another step forward. Hush, Liath. Be quiet, be still. I am here now. Nothing bad will happen. I promise you, I won't let anything bad happen. Ignoring the threatening movement in the soldiers and the hush which had come over the yard, I turned my back on Liath, and faced whatever it was that terrified him so. "Aislinn, what are you....?!" I didn't even hear Lord Fitzgerald's startled whisper. The only thing I was aware of was Liath behind me, and the terror which was still rising inside him, stronger than anything I had ever experienced, overcoming him like a tidal wave. He barely knew I was there, but soon even that would fade, and then.... I focused my mind, desperately trying to reach him. Liath, what is it? Liath!.... Shadow. I blinked, unsure of what my eyes had just perceived. It had been such a fleeting vision.... Shadow. I stepped back, looking up in the same movement. Struck by something cold, so cold it invaded my being before I could even try to fight it off. Fear, yes, and more. Behind me, Liath whinnied in terror and reared. Nia, keep calm. Laigen, Aodhan, Sreim, hold! Hear me, hold! If they all panicked.... Suddenly, I saw it again, the fleeting shadow which was the source of all this. It was an eagle, an eagle so huge it just couldn't exist. My eyes widened as I watched it swooping down upon Liath and I. But...but why couldn't anybody else see it? Why weren't they moving to help me and protect the stallion? Were they all blind, or what? I frantically looked around me, desperate, but all I saw was soldiers unsheathing their swords and getting ready to take me down as if I was an enemy. They.... My eyes came over Sakurazuka Sekai, and I froze. Time slowed, like a great river suddenly restrained by the choking embrace of ice. He was smiling, arms crossed over his chest. Relaxed. Waiting, his eyes set on me and Liath. Smiling. Something deep within me snarled as it saw that smile, and *knew*. Acting solely on instinct, responding to a part of me which laughed in contempt at the cold fear the sight of the unreal eagle roused, I reached inside my belt and unsheathed the one weapon I had kept with me after the downfall of my clan. Faster than thought, my arm threw it and the silver dagger flew true, piercing the ghostly eagle right through the heart. The great bird of prey uttered a silent, muted cry, and then dissolved in the air, like the morning mists of Fall. And the ice vanished, freeing the flow of Time. Before I could move and try to retrieve the dagger from wherever it had fallen to, soldiers made a circle of swords around me, and I stared at them helplessly. Behind me, I heard Liath snorting in incomprehension and I blinked, wondering what had just happened. It had been so fast that I wasn't even sure I hadn't dreamed the whole thing. The fear in Liath was gone, the dapple-grey stallion was just puzzled and annoyed, but there was no trace of the terrible tension which had choked the atmosphere mere moments ago. And I.... Looking at the naked blades pointed towards me, I felt a cold, sinking feeling hitting the pit of my stomach. I had raised a weapon in the presence of the local lord. I'd be lucky if they didn't execute me on the spot. "Bloody hell, the last thing we needed was an incident like that one!" I bowed my head, clenching my hands into fists at my side. I knew I deserved the rebukes and more. I knew I had jeopardized the delegation's goals by my action, but what else could I have done? What would have happened if Liath had panicked and carried the other horses with him? They'd have been killed, but not before they could also strike and likely kill.... There had been no alternative, no time for thought or reflection. Even if I had started to doubt, to wonder whether the whole thing had been real. The feeling which had sprung from that unnamed part of me had been so strong. Undeniable. And yet.... It had been thanks to Sakurazuka Sekai that the soldiers hadn't skewered me, and that the local lord had accepted the apologies of the delegation. It didn't make sense. "Well, won't you even try to defend yourself?!" I bit my lower lip, set on remaining silent. There was nothing I could say which would help matters. What had happened could not be undone, and I had no explanation to give. None that would make sense, not even to me. "Leave the stableboy alone, Richard. He did what he could to calm his horses, and he certainly has nothing to do with what caused this fiasco...unless you believe an Irish peasant somehow managed to be in league with powers of this land to discredit us." Discredit? I.... "No." I barely recognized my own voice. In a hoarse whisper, I went on, "I swear, I would never do anything of the kind, I would never have any power of the kind. Something happened when Lord Fitzgerald and Lord Mochizuki approached Liath. I don't know what it was, but terror got hold of Liath's heart, and it would have spread to all the other horses, they'd have struck all around them, and I.... I tried to calm them, I tried to stop it. I...." A hand lightly rested on my left shoulder, and I looked up to see Lord Fitzgerald nodding at me. "I know, child. Lord Mountjoy told me about you, and I trust his words. One thing is certain, though." His hand left my shoulder, and his voice became hard. "Something truly happened, even if we don't know what. That stallion suddenly got mad without any logical reason, we all saw it, just as we saw how unnaturally quickly the madness left him. Somehow, someone is trying to weaken our position. This land is such a web of complex politics that I cannot even begin to guess why beyond the obvious reason. We must be wary, all of us. There will be no more display to please local lords before we reach Edo and present the shogun with his gifts. Am I clear?" I watched as the courtiers and servants alike nodded assent. I didn't understand all this talk of politics, but I knew one thing: someone had tried to use my horses. Someone had tried to harm them. Turning my back on a discussion which wasn't my concern any longer, I went back towards the stables with only one thought in my mind. I would never allow that to happen again. Never. Something gently pushed me on the left, making me lose my balance and I fell in the straw. Looking up, I saw Liath lowering his head towards me, worry sparkling in the night-blue eyes. I straightened, and brushed his nose with my right hand. I know, Liath. I'm sorry, I know you think I didn't fail you. But I had, and the thought gnawed at my heart. How could I be certain I'd be able to protect them from now on, how could I watch over them when I didn't even understand what was really going on and why they had become a target? I stood up, brushing the straw from my clothes and exited Liath's stall, patting the stallion on the rump out of habit. I had no weapon, I was no soldier who could fight to defend them. I was just myself, a woman whose sole talent laid with the caring for horses. I could never be a warrior. A soft whinny intruded into my sad reflections, and I saw that Nia had passed her head through the metal bars of her stall and was looking at me. Nia.... On impulse I ran towards her, and entered her stall. Hugging her neck, I leaned against her, trying to feel her calm and her strength as if they were mine. Bowing my head, I brought my knees against my chest and hugged them. I hadn't often felt so lost, so out of my depths. For the first time, I could feel doubts spreading in my soul like poison. I didn't know if I had made the right decision anymore. I wasn't sure I hadn't made a terrible mistake when I had decided to come to this land and stay here for the remainder of my life, I wasn't sure my choice wouldn't endanger my horses, and I had no idea how to shield them from threats. I felt like a little girl again, alone in a terrifying, alien world. A little girl who'd have given anything to be able to cry for her mother and father.... But I had no such possibility. No escape, no help to expect from anyone. Suddenly, I felt the warm breath of Nia on my cheeks and looked up at her, smiling crookedly. As if in reply, she licked my cheek, and I couldn't help chuckling. Oh god, how good it was to have a friend like this. True and faithful, unquestioning, never judging.... Nia tensed, her ears slightly lowering, and slowly, very slowly turned away from me. "I thought you might be here." I looked up to see Sakurazuka Sekai right in front of Nia's stall, and felt my heart skipping a beat. He reached out to Nia, whispering softly, "May I come in?" The black mare lowered her ears flat on her skull, slowly advancing towards him, but he didn't move, as if unaware of the threat. She eyed him for a while and eventually snorted, abandoning her threatening attitude. The tall man gently stroked her neck, nodding. "Thank you." I watched, numb, as he entered the stall and stopped right beside me, holding out his hand. Nia had allowed him passage, Nia had let him through.... Why? What was he doing here? Why had he come to me after what had happened? Did he think I had been unaware of him? Even if I didn't understand what I had seen, even if a part of me doubted it had happened at all, I couldn't risk forgetting and denying my memories. He stayed like that, his hand held out towards me in silence, until Nia snorted behind him, weary of those two human beings which took more than a half of her already too small space. Eventually, I reached up and took his proffered hand while getting up in the same time. Brushing off the straw from my jacket, I stepped past him outside of Nia's stall without sparing him a single glance. "I thought you had said I'd be left alone with my horses, with nobody to disturb me again." I turned towards him, surprised at the burning anger there had been in my voice, and that I could feel rising in me even now. There was a strange feeling inside my heart, almost like the aftermath of betrayal, even though Sakurazuka Sekai had never betrayed me. He wasn't my friend. He wasn't my ally. He wasn't kin. So why were this fire's flames burning so high within? "It's true I promised you that, Aislinn-san, and I'm sorry to disturb you, but I had to see you so I could return this." He held out the silver dagger to me, hilt first, and I gave him a sharp look but there was nothing to be glimpsed in the deep black eyes. Nothing at all. Shrugging, I took the weapon from him and set it back in place in my belt. "It's a very peculiar dagger you have." I looked at him and saw curiosity mixed with something undefinable in his eyes. Something icy.... "I would have thought the silver would make the weapon too fragile for real use beyond simple display, but your blade is one of the if not the hardest and sharpest I've ever seen. It's the work of a true master." I could hear the question in his tone of voice, and I knew that he wouldn't leave without an answer. I wanted to be left alone, I wanted him *away*, so I allowed a smile to come to my lips, an empty smile which never reached my eyes. I told him, "That dagger is very old. It has been passed down from mother to daughter since the beginning of my clan. It's said its origins go back to a time when Erin wasn't yet the shadow it has become." There, I had satisfied his curiosity. Now I didn't have to bear with his presence anymore. As I was turning away from him, he asked softly, "Are you all right?" I froze in my steps, and replied bitterly, "I might be, if I understood." "Ah." I faced him as I heard the weary irony in his voice. He was looking straight at me, in earnest. Smiling a bit sadly, he said, "It always comes down to the same thing, you know. Power. It's as simple as that. Your delegation is bringing priceless gifts which will put the shogun in your country's debt. It was expected, of course, and the shogun would be insulted if you had sent less, but.... We can't allow foreigners to gain too much influence, it's too dangerous. The simpler way of lessening the importance of the gifts was to stir a bit of trouble, just a small incident which would make your delegation lose face and insure their position would be weakened. Nothing important, just a little embarrassing event.... Then there is the matter of Mochizuki Katsuyori. This minor daimyo has overstepped his place more than once, proclaiming himself to be the shogun's most ardent supporter, trying to gain too much influence and now having the gall to demand to review the shogun's gifts.... He needed a lesson, a small wound on his pride to teach him his place in the order of things. The incident with your horses allowed me to hit two birds with the same stone. It's as easy to understand as that, Aislinn-san." I stared at him steadily. He hadn't flinched while talking, he had sustained my gaze without hesitation. Without shame or remorse. I shook my head, mastering the anger I could still feel inside me, and told him, "Your little scheme would have caused death if I hadn't intervened. You just wanted to create a small embarrassing incident, and all you'd have achieved would have been to put blood between your people and mine. You tried to toy with something you don't truly understand. You're a fool, Sakurazuka-san." Yes, a fool, but less of a fool than I had been. Because I had almost let myself believe in this man, because I had almost trusted him. Turning my back on him, I walked away before fury could win over me. "You're right." His voice.... So eerily calm. Why wasn't he angry at my words? He.... "It was not my intention to cause death, and I made an error in judgment. I'm lucky you managed to stop it before it was too late." I stopped, leaning a hand against Aodhan's stall. The chestnut stallion came towards me, eyes glinting and intent on playing the game of catching my hair. I gently brushed off his first attempt, and asked in a toneless voice, "Why are you telling me this?" "Because you already know what happened, and didn't tell your delegation." I forced my hand to move with the same speed, forbidding myself from breaking the movement as I pushed Aodhan's head away a second time. The sound of his voice had come from right behind me, and I hadn't heard him coming. But more important, Nia hadn't warned me. Shaking my head, I faced him and laughed at him. "I don't know anything, or this would never have happened! You endangered my horses, Sakurazuka-san, and I allowed it to happen. I told you what they were, and I know you understood me then. It's my duty to guard them, to protect them and yet I was blind when they needed me...." Because something in me had wanted to trust this man, to believe there might be an anchor in this strange land, someone to rely on when I was feeling lost.... "I'm sorry." I'm sorry. The three words echoed within me, striking my heart, blowing my anger away and emptying my mind of thought. It was true, he was sorry, and I understood. I had viewed him as something he was not, the fault lied with me, not with him. I knew this now, but it was a harsh reality to accept. "You don't have to fear for your horses anymore. They'll be safe from now on, I promise you." I looked up at him, I looked up at those unfathomable black eyes in which it would have been so easy to drown and forget everything, and asked him in a soft whisper, "How can you expect me to believe that? How could I trust your word?" In a movement too quick for me to react, he reached out to me and his fingertips brushed my right cheek, wiping away a tear I hadn't even felt running down. "I have achieved my objective, Aislinn-san. You haven't seen it because you were shocked by what happened, but Mochizuki Katsuyori lost his composure when he saw the grey stallion rearing, ready to strike him down. He showed fear and lost face in this afternoon's incident, and your delegation as well." He smiled gently. "Ours is a complex and merciless world, Aislinn-san. To hide from this fact will never help you, but understanding it may allow you to find a life and a place in it." To find a life.... How....? How did he know? I shook my head, and walked past him, intent on getting away from him. His fingers closed around my arm, pulling me back, and he said, "Fleeing from the truth or from me won't solve anything." I tried to pull free, unsuccessfully. As if he was unaware of my struggle, he added, "For now my loyalty and yours aren't given to the same thing, but that may change if you stay behind as I think you will. At that moment," he smiled gently, "the word trust might gain a meaning between us." He released me and I reflexively massaged my arm where he'd been grasping it. "But until then, it can only be the ghost of a possibility." Without warning, his arms came around me and brought me against him, holding me close. Embracing me. Accepting me. Like.... The wind. "The only thing I can give you is this." His lips brushed my forehead, and I looked up at him, bewildered. Gently pushing me back, he smiled. "You have beautiful eyes, Aislinn-san, beautiful and deep, as deep as a high mountain lake. One might lose oneself in them, seeking one's reflection and never finding it." He freed me and I stepped back, almost losing my balance as if I had been standing on a beach while the ocean was withdrawing. Bowing slightly, he went away and I stayed where I was, frozen. Watching his retreating back, I tried to master the painful beatings of my heart, and to stifle all the questions whirling around in my mind. I hugged myself suddenly, shivering without knowing why. If I closed my eyes, I knew I would feel his arms around me again, but.... I shook my head and sighed. I wouldn't gain much sleep tonight, there were too many things I didn't understand. I would spend many hours awake in the night wondering. Wondering why he hadn't asked how I had been able to intervene. Wondering what kind of a game this was. Truth. Half trust. A promise of friendship.... If only I hadn't felt it in him again, as clear as the sun rising over the hills at dawn.... Sincerity....
End of Part 2. . Notes
Sankin Kotai: law passed by the shogun Tokugawa Ieyasu in order to prevent daimyos from plotting far away from his court and making a grasp for power, sparking civil war. The law was designed to weaken the daimyos by forcing them to leave their estates and come live in Edo every other year. This forced the daimyos to spend a lot of money, but it also allowed the development of a true network of routes all around Japan.
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