[ Watashi ]

[ Tomodachi ]

[ Saint Seiya ]

[ Clamp ]

[ Fanfiction ]

Deep silence had settled over the lonely house, like a shroud of peace, but it was merely a poorly realized sham for any who knew how to look and feel. Although it was now very late into the night, none of the house's occupants were sleeping, and none of them would before dawn rose. They had different reasons to stay awake like this, none of them peaceful or quietly thought out. The turmoil of strong emotions whirling around the place was...

Ripple in the air, close.

Shadow darker than the night...

Kakyou tensed during the briefest of moments, and then bowed his head slightly, with a smile that never reached his eyes. Not deigning to turn and face the newcomer, he said quietly :

"I don't remember inviting you, Sakurazuka-san."

A soft chuckle echoed in the silence beside him as the other replied :

"No, it's true. People rarely do..."

Sakurazuka Seishirou walked to the left side of the DreamGazer, allowing himself to be glimpsed only from the corner of Kakyou's eyes. They both watched the lonely house without a word for a while, and eventually, as Kakyou had thought he would, Sakurazuka Seishirou grew tired of waiting and asked :

''You've been watching nothing but him, he's been in every Dream you've trodden lately... Why ? What's his place in the order of things ?"

Kakyou felt sad laughter rising within as he heard those words, as they reminded him of things to come, of a task he'd have to accomplish regardless of the personal cost to himself... Of his own small stand against Fate and the future it was bringing... At last, he replied, still watching the house in front of him :

"Didn't you call him by a title, Sakurazuka-san ?"

Seishirou smiled ever so slightly, a smile that uncovered his teeth, and definitely had nothing pleasant in it.

"Don't play me for a fool, DreamGazer. I saw, heard and felt the inugami's keening howl. Any idiot would have known how to address him after such a display."

Kakyou toyed with the words in his mind, pondering their meaning. Strange... Nodding, he said softly :

"I thought the Sakurazukamori knew... We're all insignificant pawns in a cosmic game far beyond our limited understanding."

The DreamGazer distinctly felt something that might have been anger rise in the other man, and once more felt like laughing. Sakurazuka Seishirou's voice rose in the night, deadly quiet.

"I'm not in the mood for patience. Answer me."

Kakyou turned to face him, and the cat-like eyes stared steadily at the assassin as he said :

"Oh, and what will you do if I don't give you what you want ? Kill me ?..."

He smiled at Sakurazuka Seishirou.

"Please, go ahead and grant my sole wish."

Something flashed in the other's one good eye, something colder than ice that would have sent anyone fleeing in terror, but Kakyou kept on staring steadily at Sakurazuka Seishirou, unwavering.

Waiting.

Half hoping...

At last, the Sakurazukamori let out an almost imperceptible sigh.

"Your proposition is tempting, DreamGazer, you have no idea how tempting it is right now. You're playing a game much more dangerous than you know..."

Yes, that was true, Kakyou knew the other was right, not for the reasons he thought, but still. He couldn't die now, he had to wait... Once more, Sakurazuka Seishirou asked :

"What is he ?"

Kakyou looked away, staring again at the house beyond the trees in front of them, silent for a long time. Seishirou watched this, adding small facts to other things, assembling the pieces of this fascinating puzzle without any idea what the true pattern was. Eventually, the DreamGazer slowly faced him, and replied :

"I thought the answer already known to you. Our Wolf Lord's place on the chessboard is so obvious..."

Kakyou smiled strangely as he added in a soft whisper :

"The Fool..."

Sakurazuka Seishirou tensed ever so slightly as he saw the other's shoulders shake with silent laughter. The night was suddenly full of a wild, mad feeling that had no name, coming from the frail form of the DreamGazer. Mad, yes, eerie and... It disappeared as abruptly as it had come, the laughter gone from Kakyou as if it had never been. The DreamGazer added :

"The Darkness that haunts his soul and stalks him has a name, Sakurazuka-san, one among so many which are used to designate the same thing..."

Kakyou's eyes looked at Sakurazuka Seishirou, but didn't see him.

"Suffice to say that he's the last stanza."

As the words reached the assassin, the fabric of the Dream around him started to unravel, and he nodded, allowing himself to be taken out of the other's realm. He had what he had come here for : other fragments to add to the gigantic tapestry that would reveal to him Fate's true intent. He had never hoped for a clear answer, indeed he was almost certain there was none. But Kakyou had been more useful than he knew.

Sakurazuka Seishirou smiled, remembering the exchange between them, and wondered what was the DreamGazer's stake in all this. Why had he protected the Wolf Lord as he had ? No emotion had filtered in the strange cat-like eyes, no change in the tone of voice had betrayed feelings he'd have wanted to keep hidden, and yet...

Something...

Sakurazuka Seishirou shrugged, giving up on solving this particular riddle for the time being. Everything eventually came to he who could wait. Understanding was no exception, and he was a very patient man, no matter what he had told Kakyou. Still smiling, quite satisfied with himself, Sakurazuka Seishirou walked out into the night, idly wondering how he was going to pass the time. Above his head, the wind gently rustled the sakuras' leaves, and at the same moment he saw a shadow beyond the trees. A poor misguided fool had just entered the park.

Sakurazuka Seishirou's smile widened.

I looked down at the half empty bowl of rice, and pushed it gently away from me.

"Aren't you hungry ?..."

I faced the young girl sitting opposite to me, and tried to ignore the worry and kindness shining in her nut brown eyes, shaking my head silently. No I wasn't hungry, even if I supposed my body was. All this was too far away for me to care. The only reason why I had agreed to eat in the first place was that somehow the action had dimmed a bit the echo of the cry in my soul, a little bit... But not for long. No, nothing could ever silence that, or the insane laughter clawing at my self.

"You need to eat more, regain a bit of strength. You were dying when..."

Dying... Yes, and no. If only it had been so simple. Before the young man named Shirou Kamui had forced me to make the final step, I hadn't been. I hadn't existed in this world. Now...

"Is it because of me ? Because it's me, like with the umbrella ?..."

The sorrow in her voice somehow reached me, and I looked at her, smiling as gently as I could, savagely chasing back the emotions her words had triggered inside me. I saw the wolf spirit beside her, his beautiful golden eyes fixed on me.

Knowing.

Grateful.

I told the young girl :

"No, Yuzuriha-san, no it has nothing to do with you. I'm simply... not hungry anymore, but the meal was delicious, really."

A smile lit her face, answering my own, and I nodded inwardly : I had guessed right, she was the one who had cooked this breakfast. She was a gentle one, caring for others, even though they might not deserve her kindness... She stood up, and started gathering the dishes. I made to stand as well, and she shook her head, still smiling.

"No no, you stay where you are Kuroki-san, I'll bring all this to the kitchen, it won't take more than a minute or two."

Her smile was luminous, and the light in her eyes... So beautiful... I watched her back as she stepped into the kitchen, and managed to keep the scream of refusal down my throat.

Why ?

Why were the gods so cruel, why did they allow this ? Why had they allowed the black claws to reach to the very gate of death, and to close upon me again ?

Why hadn't they let me die ?

I bowed my head, closing my eyes tightly shut to try and keep the questions and their echoes at bay, to try and keep my sanity. I couldn't let my mind snap, it was far too late for that. Breathing deeply, I eventually managed to regain enough self-control to look up.

The young girl was coming back from the kitchen, followed by a man wearing what looked like a three piece suit, tie included. I looked at him, and saw behind the glasses ordinary brown eyes in which shone gentleness and deep commitment. Likely the man wasn't aware how much his eyes betrayed him... Not that it mattered to me. The man bowed politely, introducing himself :

"Good morning. My name is Seiichirou Aoki, it's nice to meet you."

I stared at him numbly for a few seconds, lost. Hearing the polite, ordinary greeting echoing in my mind, as if... Eventually, I stood and bowed as well, replying :

"I'm Kuroki Gai. It's a pleasure to meet you as well."

Why was I feeling like a bad actor in a play written by a madman ? He nodded, gesturing for me to follow him and the young girl as they left the kitchen. I did so, distantly wondering if they had at last come to their senses, and were going to throw me out.

The room we entered was a huge living-room, with windows that allowed the sunlight inside. People were waiting for us, Shirou Kamui and his silent shadow, Sumeragi Subaru. Our gazes briefly met, but the emerald eyes didn't flinch, didn't show anything. They were a pool in which one could drown and never find a way out, a shield which protected him from casual observers... Beside them were a young man and woman I had barely glimpsed a sight of at my arrival to this house, and a woman I had never met before. She bowed.

"Welcome, Kuroki-san. I am Kasumi Karen."

I returned the bow, and slowly walked towards one of the windows, kneeling down by its side. I looked out, unseeing the beautiful garden beyond the glass, and waited for the members of what might have been a strange war council or a tribunal to speak.

"Kuroki-san..."

I turned towards Shirou Kamui.

"I want you to know, we intend no harm."

I looked into those purple eyes who could face me and know, who could somehow bear the sight and feeling of what was devouring me, and smiled gently. I could feel the clean shirt and breeches on my body, warm and soft, so different from the cold rain, I could feel the food the young girl had cooked for me in my stomach... I told him :

"I know, Shirou-san."

Something like pain flashed in the purple eyes at my words. At the way I had addressed him... I sighed inwardly, feeling weariness come over me.

"The Dragons of Heaven and Earth..."

I barely heard the voice of Sumeragi Subaru.

"Tell us, Kuroki-san, have you ever heard of them ?"

It was better this way. I didn't know how long I'd be able to deny the need in the purple eyes, but I'd try. To do otherwise would have been a lie, and Shirou Kamui didn't deserve that. Belatedly, I realized that Sumeragi Subaru had stopped talking, and that they were all silent. Waiting for an answer. I shrugged, replying :

"No."

The young woman I had seen the day before, Kishuu Arashi snorted angrily.

"You expect us to believe this after what happened ? After we saw the inugami grieve for you ? After Kamui felt an unknown power rise within you ?"

I looked directly into the dark grey eyes and said softly :

"I don't expect anything. I'm simply telling you the truth. What you do with it isn't my concern."

Before she could retort, the young man at her side laid a restraining hand on her right arm, and nodded.

"I don't know why, but I'm inclined to trust your word on this one. Yet, it seems impossible for you not to be linked in any way with the End of the World..."

Laughter engulfed me.

No...

The words' echoes resounded, on an on, amplifying with each second, striking harder each time, tearing my heart apart, ripping my soul to shreds.

Hurting so much...

No...

Oh gods, how could I bear this ? How could I ?

Suddenly, I felt arms wrapped around me, and realized someone was hugging me tight, so tight the embrace hurt. Slowly, I managed to force my eyes to see again what was around me, and looked on my right to see Shirou Kamui holding me close with desperate fierceness. I closed my eyes, locking within what wasn't for anyone else to see or know, and then looked around the living-room, staring at each of its occupants in turn.

There was infinite sadness in them, beside grim determination, but no anger. No revulsion. No hatred.

No contempt.

Why ?...

Lastly, I looked into Shirou Kamui's purple eyes, and fought down the tears burning my eyes. Very gently, I freed myself from his hold, and stood, looking out the window before me and whispering in the deep silence :

"Yes, I'm tied to that, but..."

I shook my head slowly.

"It's too late to worry about that, far too late."

A voice rose, gentle, shattering the shocked despair my words had triggered. In the reflection of the window, I saw Kasumi Karen's eyes fixed on me.

"You can't know that, Kuroki-san... But there is one thing you know and can tell us : who are you ?"

I laughed at that, a sad, sorrowful sound that rose in the room. I had no answer to give, none that would help matters, none that would unmake the future that was already drawn for every single living being on this world.

"Kuroki Gai..."

I reluctantly turned towards Seiichirou Aoki, who was studying a sheet of paper he had taken from a pocket of his jacket.

"I did a bit of research, and found some bizarre things. There was someone named Kuroki Gai who attended the finals of all Japan's Junior Martial Arts Championship, Sanda division, more than ten years ago. A young man who was then some sixteen years old. He and his friend Hidaka Shurato were supposed to fight in the final of the events, but even as it began, they both disappeared in unexplained circumstances. They disappeared and were never seen again. This Kuroki Gai had a sister named Mina..."

He looked straight at me.

"Are you this same person, Kuroki-san ?"

I stared back at him, numb with shock. Mina-oneesan... She... Could it be she... I nodded silently, feeling something worse than despair claiming me.

"She's dead, Kuroki-san."

I turned towards Sumeragi Subaru, who had taken the paper from Seiichirou Aoki and was watching me closely. The light in those emerald eyes, the hint of smile on those lips...

He understood.

I hugged myself, trying to control the shaking of my shoulders, and felt a smile full of pain coming to my own lips even as the tears started running down my cheeks. I told him in a whisper :

"Thank you Sumeragi-san."

For a fraction of a second, there was no shield guarding the soul beyond those eyes, as if this was a grief he couldn't help but share, and then the wall slammed down again. Impulsively, I walked out of the living-room, feeling the overwhelming need to be alone, far away from any other human being. Thanks to some wisdom or insight I hadn't known they possessed, none of them tried to stop me.

I lifted my head, looking up at the canopy of leaves and branches above my head. Letting the last raindrops fall down on my face and soak it, clean it of the tears.

It was good that it was so.

Mina-oneesan...

Oh yes, good.

I would be spared that at least. Perhaps it was the one chance the gods had agreed on giving me. The one chance I had in choosing the how of the future that was coming... There was a slight sound as someone approached and couldn't avoid treading down on some of the leaves scattering the garden. I whirled around, and found myself face to face with Kasumi Karen. She smiled, holding out a coat to me and saying :

"I just came to bring you this... Unhuman though some of the things you keep withn you are, still you need protection against the cold..."

For the first time, I realized that her eyes had the colour of gold. Without knowing why, I accepted the gift, and took the coat from her hands, envelopping myself in it.

Gods, she was right. I was so cold...

Suddenly, I saw her turning away from me. She was going back inside the house, as she had said. She...

"Stay..."

She stopped, looking at me inquisitively. I added, bowing :

"Please..."

She looked at me during a long time, then finally nodded, and walked back to my side. There was a long silence, then I asked her :

"Are you aware of Fate ?"

She looked straight at me, and replied softly :

"I am aware of choice, Gai-san. Of possible futures we can choose, and bring about depending on our actions..."

Lies... She smiled a bit sadly.

"Although, to answer your real question : yes, we are aware of the Promised Day and what it may bring. We, the Dragons of Heaven oppose this, we fight to save humanity, while our opposites, the Dragons of Earth, will fight for its destruction."

Two sides, light and dark, two opposites of the same thing... I nodded. Yes, I understood. I should have held my peace, and let her go back inside the house, I should have tried to drown in silence... But I said :

"What would you say if I told you that the gods have decided to change the rules of this game ? What if I told you that where you once stood a chance, now you stand none ?..."

I forced myself to keep facing the beautiful golden eyes.

"What if I told you that your death, and that of all living beings is standing beside you now ? That nothing can prevent it from claiming its due when the moment comes ?"

She reached out to me, and the fingertips of her right hand gently, almost tenderly brushed my left cheek as she answered :

"I would tell you this, Gai-san : I see before me someone whose heart bleeds from wounds more terrible than anything I can ever imagine, I see before me one whose soul is gentleness, kindness and generosity, one who would never harm anything in this world. I see one who can fight the black curse devouring his soul. I would give all my strength to help such a person, I would even give my life..."

I shook my head, unable to understand.

"Why ? Why not kill me while there is still time ?"

The tip of her forefinger gently touched my lips, silencing me.

"I believe in choice, Gai-san. In chances that should be given to everyone. In hope that should be clung to until the very end... Until we face each other on the final day, I'll be here to give you every ounce of strength I have, to give you the chance of winning over the destiny you believe is set for you..."

I gritted my teeth, refusing the tears and the sorrow rising within me. Letting the laughter cover the grief, and facing the blackness inside, I told her :

"You're mad."

She sighed wearily.

"Maybe I am... But if such is the case, if this world is one in which no chance exists for those who believe with all their heart, and fight with all their strength, a world in which no help can be given, no choice can hold meaning... Then perhaps such a world should be allowed to pass away. Perhaps such a world should indeed be destroyed..."

She smiled suddenly, a luminous smile that chased her words away.

"But I'll hold on to what I believe in, I'll keep on hoping, and fighting for that, until I'm proven right or wrong in the end. This is who I am, I can be no other than true to that. I'm not wise, but at least I know myself..."

Her arms came around me and she held me close, whispering in my ear :

"I'm sorry about your sister, I share your grief, we all do."

I could smell her perfume floating around me, sweet, delicate, and yet surprisingly strong, like her. As I was about to return the hold, she stepped away from me, letting her lips briefly brush my left cheek, and concluded :

"But make no mistake in this Gai-san, if nothing can be done, on the Promised Day I'll be there to fight you, and kill you."

I watched her going back inside the house, closing the coat around me, and allowed the insane laughter within to claim me and wipe away emotions I couldn't bear, had no strength left to bear. As she closed the door behind her, I said softly :

"No Karen-san. When the time comes, the life that will fade will be yours."

My fingers turned the faucet to its closed position, and the water flow stopped. I stayed unmoving under the pommel of the shower for a while, trying to focus on the sensation of the warm drops of water running down my body and forget everything else.

Failing miserably.

Eventually, I stepped out of the shower and took a long towel I envelopped myself into, relishing the softness of the fabric. Whoever they were, the Dragons of Heaven sure had money to spare if they could offer themselves the luxury of such high quality items. But then, the house in itself was sufficient indication of wealth. It could shelter six of them with still two rooms to spare, of which I had taken one, and there were no less than four bathrooms. I took another towel and quickly dried most of the water from my hair, wondering why I was still here...

I had nowhere to go.

I could leave, they wouldn't hold me against my will, I knew I was free.

Free...

Beyond the mad laughter rising in the bathroom, coming from me, I suddenly grew aware of a sharp pain in my left hand, and lifted it before my eyes.

Blood.

I looked down with curiosity, and saw cracks in the mirror where my hand had struck it wildly, closed into a tight fist. The pain was slowly rising within me, subdueing the laughter somewhat. I watched the blood noisily dripping down from the deep cuts, and thought I had almost stepped over the edge this time. I *couldn't* let that happen, I couldn't let madness claim me. At last, I took the towel I had used on my hair to wipe the blood and staunch the wounds.

It had been a near thing, I hadn't even felt myself striking the glass, I hadn't even consciously... Yes... I smiled, looking at my reflection, marred with the steam still engulfing the room. From the moment I had come into being here, I had been trapped, with no way of escape. I knew this, but still maybe... If it came quickly enough, from an accident, not from conscious wish, then...

My left hand, still soaked with blood and water mixed, reached out for the hair dryer's plug. So simple, really...

"No !"

Something hit me violently, throwing me on the floor, and sending the hair dryer flying. Somehow, I managed not to break my neck in the fall, but stayed nailed to the ground, unable to stand. There was a body pinning mine down, its weight was light, but still too much for my weak strength.

"Damn you !..."

The weight lifted, and hands roughly pulled me up in a sitting position.

"Damn you, what did you think you were doing ?!..."

The anger was only a veil that couldn't really hide a fear and despair that reached me, struck me far more than the pain in my hand. I opened my eyes, and saw Shirou Kamui right in front of me, tears shining in his deep purple eyes. Almost, I fought him, but I couldn't bring myself to hurt him. I freed myself from his hold, and stood, noticing distantly that the bathroom was a hell of a mess. Shrugging slightly, I walked out of it and regained my room beside it, going for the bed.

I sat down wearily, my head bowed, waiting for the questions.

Dreading them, and the answers I would have to give.

The mattress under me slightly gave way as he sat down beside me, and there was silence for a time, for which I was grateful. Eventually though, the question came, softly :

"Why ?"

The anger was gone, there were only pain and fear left. Something in me yearned to hold the young man close and ask for his forgiveness, to swear to him I would never try again, to tell him I'd never leave him, again and again, drowning in a promise I could never keep. Drowning in the worst of lies. I listened to the cry in my soul, and let it touch my heart, engulf it completely, hurt it, reminding me of the truth. Breathing heavily, I bit my lower lip, drawing blood that tasted of iron and salt, and eventually replied :

"Because it's the only thing I *may* be allowed to do..."

I looked into his eyes, and told him :

"Because otherwise, one way or another I'll kill you, you and every being living on this world."

Anger suddenly came into the purple eyes, fury burning brighter than fire. He hissed :

"No. Never, never again..."

His hands closed around my arms.

"It'll not happen, hear me ? Damn Fate to all the hells, I'll never let you fall to whatever dark thing is hunting you, never ! You're not dying, you're not..."

I looked at the hands desperately holding on to me, I felt the pain as they squeezed so hard they were bruising the skin, and closed my heart to mercy, saying in a detached voice :

"But I am dying Shirou-san, eventually, I'll die, once my work is done and all of you are no more. I will die, trust me to know that..."

Shock flashed into his eyes, his head shaking in disbelief while I continued.

"You're holding on to me, but it's a mistake. I'm nothing, I'm a shadow, a lie. I'm not the one you lost."

He bowed his head, his shoulders trembling as sobs shook his body. I longed to take him in my arms and take the pain away form him, but I couldn't, I had no right to. So I watched as sorrow and grief rose within him and devoured him, reached beyond and claimed me as well. At last, he whispered :

"I know you're not Fuuma, Gai-san. I've always known that..."

His hands released me, leaving purple marks on my arms. A part of me absentmindedly noticed that the blood had stopped running from the cuts on my left hand. He looked up at me, and I forced myself to face him, refusing to flinch now.

"You and I, we're the same. We've both lost one who was a part of ourselves, the half of what we truly are. This bond ties us together more tightly than you think. I will not let you damn yourself and go blindly where Fate commands you to go. I have lost everything I held dear, everything that held meaning for me, I have been forced to witness as everything I loved and cared for was torn away from me, forever. No more. I'm not losing anyone else. I couldn't bear it."

Exhaustion fell over me, heavier than a cloak made of lead. I didn't have the strength to confront him like this, but I had no choice. I stared steadily at him, and replied :

"I'm not worthy of this, Shirou-san, I admire your strength, and the generosity and kindness of your heart, but I don't deserve them, and what's more it'd be useless. From the moment I reached out to you in the street, every hope you might have held became a lie."

Contrary to what I had thought, my words apparently didn't reach their goal. He shook his head, smiling gently, and said :

"No. Believe what you will, hate and despise yourself as much as you will, I won't fall into that trap. I'll fight Fate itself since it is what I must do, and I'll win. I'll protect you, and nothing you can do will prevent me from having my way."

I bowed my head, feeling sorrow and shame too strong for me to bear. He didn't know, he had no idea who I was, and what I had done. He didn't know how misplaced his gentleness and caring were. How could I bring myself to smother the light shining so brightly in his soul ? How could I ?

"Kamui-san, Yuzuriha-san has need of you..."

I closed my eyes, silently thanking Sumeragi Subaru for intruding, and allowing me not to go through with this.

Coward.

Yes, I knew...

Despicable coward...

I savagely fought down the howl in my throat. Eventually, Shirou Kamui stood up and went away, silent. Perhaps feeling the storm of emotions clawing at me. Suddenly, fingers gently took my left hand, and I reflexively looked up.

Sumeragi Subaru was busy skillfully bandaging it, with surprising gentleness. I looked at him numbly, until my mind finally understood the meaning of all this. In a low, hoarse voice, I asked him :

"You knew ?"

He nodded silently, and I felt anger rising within, dangerous.

"Why did you let him save me ?"

The emerald eyes looked at me, unreadable pools that could only reflect the darkness of my soul, and he said :

"Kamui needs you. For good or worse, you must live. If you are as damned as you say, then likely you'll destroy this world and kill everything alive on it..."

He shrugged.

"Personally, I don't care. The only thing that counts for me is that Kamui no longer depends on me, and thus I am free to pursue my hunt..."

I didn't reply, having caught a glimpse of something I knew only too well in his eyes.

Love.

Love that had been twisted, hurt as much as had been needed for it to turn to hatred... Or so the one harboring the devouring emotion was supposed to believe.

"Besides, think, Kuroki-san..."

A bitter smile came to Sumeragi Subaru's lips.

"Do you really believe you'd have been allowed to take your life ?"

Silence claimed the room again as he finished the bandage. I had nothing to reply to him, nothing I could say that would make sense to him or myself. I just wanted all this to be over with, I just wanted to sink into darkness and be free of the pain. Eventually, Sumeragi Subaru stood and made to leave the room. He stopped at the door, saying :

"I'd advise you to get some sleep, you can't hang on much longer without rest. If you wish, I can brew you tea that'd help you to gain a dreamless sleep..."

Once more, the shields guarding him had dropped, to reveal understanding deeper than even Shirou Kamui's had been. I shook my head silently and he went away.

A low moan rose in the room, almost inaudible, as I allowed the smallest part of the cry locked within to wash over me. There was no way out, no possible escape.

None.

End of Part 3.

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