[ Watashi ]

[ Tomodachi ]

[ Saint Seiya ]

[ Clamp ]

[ Fanfiction ]

"No no no no no, absolutely out of the question !"

I chuckled silently in the kitchen, unable to help myself as I heard the fake righteous rebuke in Arisugawa Sorata's voice, and quickly set down my orderly pile of dishes into the sink before coming back to the dining room. As I had expected, I found the young Nekoi Yuzuriha arguing with the older Dragon of Heaven, busy desperately trying to convince him to let her help cleaning everything now that breakfast was over. Sorata shook his head, adding brightly :

"I told you no. Besides, you're late for school already, you have no time to waste."

The young girl blushed, bowing her head in what could have been shame, and Sorata concluded, claiming victory :

"Aha, I knew you had forgotten about the time ! Now, off with you !..."

He looked at Kamui and grinned.

"And I meant the both of you."

The young man didn't reply, but stood up, his eyes locked on me. I smiled gently, slightly shaking my head in answer to the silent question shining in the purple irises, and eventually he nodded.

"All right, I'm going, but I still think it'd have been a good idea for Gai-san to come as well..."

Going to school... I felt a distant pain in my heart at the thought. Alien though it was, it nevertheless managed to trigger memories and feelings which seemed to have belonged to another, or to a blurry reflection of myself.

Someone gentle...

Patient...

Happy...

So kind...

Innocent... No. I snorted inwardly. No, never that. Unaware, yes. But innocent... at last, I told the young man :

"Don't worry about me, Kamui-san, I'll be all right, and anyway I'm too old to attend school, I have no place there."

Strangely, he didn't try to argue with my words, and I wondered just how obvious the mark of the past was visible on my features. Although my body looked like it wasn't aged more than eighteen or nineteen years at most, my memories went back beyond ten thousand years, and even if there had been a long dark gap between lives, still I felt old when I summoned them, far too old to enter a school, far too different to ever have a hope of fitting in such a normal environment. Yuzuriha smiled gently :

"All right, then we'll see you all at the end of the afternoon. Coming, Kamui-san ?"

He reluctantly followed her, clearly troubled at the idea of letting me out of his sight for a whole day. As if he was afraid I'd disappear or run away from him.

Abandon him...

Suddenly, I realized the both of them had been gone for a long minute, and I hadn't moved from where I was, trapped in... I grimly denied the ever-present laughter within, and started to gather what was left of the dishes on the breakfast table.

"So, now that they're gone, perhaps you'll agree to tell me why you refuse to let me participate in the cleaning process ?"

Kishuu Arashi was staring steadily at Arisugawa Sorata, and the look on her face was defninitely not one of happiness. He bowed with a flourish, somehow keeping from dropping the empty bowls and cups he was holding in both hands, and smiled guilelessly at her.

"My lady, I promised to cook today, and that means also taking care of everything after the meal. What's more, I have Gai-san helping me already... And how could your humble servant ever allow the lady ruling over his poor lost heart to take part in such menial tasks ?"

There was a long silence, and eventually she said icily :

"Suit yourself."

Without another word, she stormed out of the dining room, leaving Arisugawa Sorata staring after her teary-eyed like a besotted fool.

Sorata walked back to the kitchen, distantly noting that Kuroki Gai had done a good job of helping him cleaning things. All trace of the chaos that his cooking had generated had almost vanished. Carefully, he set the dishes down in the sink and started washing them, unsurprised to see Kuroki Gai at his side taking bowl after bowl and toweling them dry before putting them back in their proper place. Incredible how he had changed over a night and the day that had followed, from weak, suffering shadow to a person who almost looked normal, if one excepted his hair colour, his eyes and the terrible pain in those that nothing could ever hide... But then the young man and his eerie russet gold eyes weren't exactly at the fore of Sorata's mind for the moment. He was a marked piece of the gameboard, and certainly a threat at least as grave as the one the Dragons of Earth posed, but all that was far away. While his hands kept on washing dishes like faithful automats, he called again to his mind the image of Arashi leaving the dining room a few minutes ago.

He knew how much his attitude angered her.

He knew her expressionless face was a mask, after all he was wearing one himself.

The joker, the inconsequential man, the one who had no worries, who always smiled, always laughed and always had a funny or extravagant word to say... He couldn't show himself, he couldn't or that would break her mask, and no matter how much he longed to, he'd never do that.

Because she didn't want it.

She used her wall for support, he understood. She needed it as he needed to keep teasing her, to express his feelings, if only in this ridiculous fashion. To do otherwise would have unmade them, destroyed the both of them. How stupid this all was...

Destiny...

The washing was over and done. Sorata slowly let the sink empty itself of water and dried his hands, feeling the weight on his heart more acutely than he ever had.

Tired of playing this game of dupes.

"I see I'm too late to help..."

I closed the closet and turned towards Sumeragi Subaru who had just entered the kitchen, while Arisugawa Sorata was telling him with a negligent gesture :

"Don't worry about it, my assistant here did a wonderful job, we were done in a record time !"

The emerald eyes focused on me, and the young man whispered distantly :

"I see..."

I looked at him, and wondered what good his daily purifications did to him. There was no expression on his face, no feeling radiating from him beside apathy and emptiness. He seemed like a man whose soul was lost, and beyond anyone's ability to save or find again. Why he kept on abiding by what had now clearly become nothing more than a meaningless ritual was a mystery to me. Not that I cared, but...

"Hey, did anyone suddenly put a mirror in this kitchen ?"

I turned towards Arisugawa Sorata, taken aback.

"What ?"

He chuckled.

"Well, you two were standing there, staring at one another as if each of you was the reflection of the other, so I wondered if there wasn't an invisible mirror between you..."

I shook my head, feeling embarrassed for no reason I could have named, and went to put the towel I had used to dry the dishes back in its place. Once I was done, I looked at the two Dragons of Heaven and said :

"Since everything's taken care of, I'll go now."

Sorata nodded, the cheerfulness gone from his face, and Sumeragi Subaru suddenly stepped towards me :

"I'll accompany you."

I eyed him with curiosity, and finally shrugged, leaving the kitchen. There was silence between us, until we walked outside at the house. As I closed one of Sorata's jackets around me, I told Sumeragi Subaru :

"I didn't know you were fond of cemetaries. Or of me..."

I smiled pleasantly at him.

"I have no need for your protection, but I won't prevent you from coming along. After all I do understand your distrust, it's well deserved."

He snorted.

"I don't trust or care about you more than about anyone, Kuroki-san. But I don't want to run the risk of letting you disappear, as I'm sure you've considered doing..."

I almost blushed at that, berating myself for a fool for indeed having thought about it, and decided I didn't like Sumeragi Subaru's insight into the way my mind worked.

"And more importantly, I find it really weird that you haven't had any contacts with the other side yet. Given what you claim to be, I doubt they're still unaware of you. Sooner or later, one of them will come, and if he chooses this visit to the cemetary, I'll be there to deal with him."

Him ?

I looked at Sumeragi Subaru, and saw something burning in the emerald eyes, dark. For the briefest of moments, his wall had dropped to let through... I wasn't sure what that had been. Powerful enough to be true hatred, certainly. Fiery... Dropping the subject, I walked away from the house, not caring whether he'd follow or not, but confident he would. Chasing the Dragon of Heaven from my mind. Him, and the rest.

The alleys of the small cemetary were almost empty, for which I was thankful. Sumeragi Subaru has elected to wait for me in the small park that had been set on the other side of the gates to give grieving families a place of calm and peace to think and try to let a part of their sorrow go away, out of some trace of compassion or decency I hadn't know he still possessed. I let my eyes wander over the forest of small funeral stones, and wondered at my lack of feelings. There was nothing but silence.

Blessed silence...

Eventually, I stopped before one of the little stones, and stared at it numbly. Kuroki Mina... The name had been carved on it with a curved style I knew she had liked. On impulse, I bent a knee down, my eyes still fixed on the simple stone.

Mina-oneesan...

My mind brought up the picture of a beautiful young woman, her long jet black hair flying with the wind, laughing happily as she was running along a beach in Spring... I smiled, looking up at the startingly blue sky, and felt something that might have been sorrow rising in my heart. Mina-oneesan... I was so grateful that this had come to pass. My thoughts would have felt revoltant to anyone else, but still... To whomever, or whichever whim of Fate had done this, I was thankful beyond my ability to express.

Coward.

Of course. Of course...

I breathed deeply and closed my eyes, feeling the gentle caress of the Autumn breeze on my face like the featherlike touch of my sister's fingertips chasing away unruly locks of hair, as she had so much loved doing. Something warm started running down my cheeks and I opened my eyes, catching the tears on the tip of my right forefinger. Strange, how this feeling of grief was peaceful, how the pain in my heart felt... good. Slowly, I reached out to the funeral stone, and followed the delicate carving of letters on it with the tip of my right forefinger, letting my tears slowly make their way in the grey valley of my sister's name.

Mina-oneesan... How alien and crazy, stupid my thoughts had to seem to you. How futile my insignificant battle... How horrible and unforgivable my intentions or lack of them...

If only...

I could do nothing but pray you had found peace, a peace I longed for but would never find. Of this at least I was certain, it was only fair... Finally, I straightened, and after a long look at the funeral stone I turned my back on my last tie with humanity, and walked away. WIthin me, the laughter was rising, echoing stronger with each step that took me away from my sister. Mocking, contemptuous...

Triumphant.

I leaned against the gates of the cemetary and looked around... Nobody. Sumeragi Subaru was nowhere to be seen. I sighed almost imperceptibly, thinking it was my luck he had taken it upon himself to vanish right now. For a moment, I was tempted to go back to the Dragons of Heaven's house on my own, but no matter how that would have served him right, I really didn't feel like enhancing his distrust of me, it was high enough as it was. Besides, a few moments of solitude would be welcome. Smiling all of a sudden, I wandered off into the small park.

This tree... I gently patted the old sakura's trunk, and lied down in the grass, leaning my head between two of its main roots. It would be good to focus my mind and let it lose itself in the old exercise I had practised so many times as a child... Slowly, I closed my eyes, and...

Saw.

Was.

Lived.

The fight at the foot of the old sakura was certainly the most elegant and beautiful Kakyou had ever witnessed. Silent, he kept watching as Kuroki Gai moved to avoid his imaginary opponent, so fast he had almost become a blur, cleaving the air, each of his movement as graceful as a cat's. It was an interesting technique the young man was using, one he obviously mastered perfectly. He was asleep, and then not realy asleep, his mind focused on setting up images of fights, on making up adversaries and infinite variations of movements, as if he had been a chess player who kept considering all the possibilities in the evolution of a game.

A shadow brushed the edge of Kakyou's vision, and he made a small gesture, whispering inaudibly :

"Begone."

Howling in rage, the darkness disappeared, unable to deny him in what was after all his realm. Reporting his attention on Kuroki Gai, Kakyou smiled, admiring the perfection of each movement, wishing... He sighed softly, shaking his head at the odd impulse that had almost made him step towards the young man. That he had just protected Kuroki Gai against the dark waiting within him because he had had no wish to see this beautiful spectacle disrupted was one thing. To reveal himself... It would have been stupid, and mad.

And yet the emotion that was claiming his soul, even now...

Had no place in this, no possible meaning, and no right to be. The young man had needed him at one time, now he could go on. He would, Kakyou knew he could trust this one never to ask from him unless he absolutely needed his help. Perhaps this was the very reason why he often watched over his sleep, and intervened, if only in small ways, against all logic. Eventually, they would meet again, and Kuroki Gai would keep his promise. Kakyou smiled sadly, strangely torn between opposite wishes.

Hoping the time would come soon... hoping the time would never come and Fate could somehow spare the young man from the terrible pain this would engulf him into.

Chasing all these futile thoughts from his mind, Kakyou watched Kuroki Gai fight, relished the sight of him and chose not to question the feelings rising within, grateful for the timelessness of dreams, for the tiny fraction of a second that lasted longer than eternity...

Presence.

Kakyou looked on the right of Kuroki Gai, and saw a tall shadow beside the old sakura. So... Grimly denying the silent voice telling him not to let this happen, Kakyou turned away from Kuroki Gai, and left his dream that was no dream.

Letting the wind take away feelings that would would have served no purpose, but only hurt him.

I smiled, watching the way my opponent moved, feeling the air around us, feeling even as he did how he was going to attack. It was a wonderful sensation, one that had always managed to help me, to find focus and strength, peace...

Shadow...

I allowed my enemy to disappear, and shook my head, not deigning to leave the trance, saying :

"Show yourself, whoever you are."

On the left of the old sakura, a shadow appeared, its right hand leaning against the trunk, and I distinctly felt the power exuding from its lean frame. In the blink of an eye, I slipped from the trance and opened my eyes to see a tall man standing on my left, his shadow shielding me from the light of the sun. I slowly sat up, leaning my back against the sakura's trunk, wondering how long he had stood there, wondering if I had felt him at once, or if...

"I'm sorry if I troubled your meditation..."

I looked up at him, but was unable to distinguish his features clearly, half blinded by the sun. I shrugged, replying :

"It's all right, there's no harm done."

He nodded.

"Good, may I sit down ?"

I looked at him silently for a while, finding the question more than strange, somehow even ridiculous, and eventually gestured for him to do as he pleased. He sat down beside me, smiling charmingly, and took off his sunglasses as he looked at me.

"Thank you. My name is Sakurazuka Seishirou, nice to meet you."

I started at him steadily, trying to control the rising tide of unease his presence was triggering. His right eye was blind, and yet the simple thought of considering him disabled was ludicrous. I looked at him, and every instinct within screamed danger. At last, I bowed my head slightly, replying :

"I'm Kuroki Gai, nice to meet you too..."

I faced his one good eye and asked him softly :

"May I inquire as to the purpose of your presence ?"

He chuckled at that, as if my words had somehow been witty, and then locked his gaze on mine, smiling again. But this time his smile...

"Curiosity, Kuroki-san, plain and simple curiosity..."

That smile belonged only to the strongest of predators. Restraining the vague fear I could feel within me and mastering the impulse to shiver, I nodded and replied :

"I see... And what will it take to satsify that, Sakurazuka-san ?"

His eyes were still locked on mine, but he was guarding himself against me, this at least I could see in him. There was a moment of silence, and then he shrugged.

"If I knew the answer to your question, then there would be no need for curiosity. Although I suppose that knowledge is the commonplace answer you expect of me... Understanding..."

I felt my lips curving in a bitter smile as I replied :

"Then perhaps all you need do is face me without those shields protecting you... Perhaps you're the one barring yourself from the answer you want..."

He laughed at that, clearly pleased, and then reached out to me, his fingertips brushing the line of my jaw. I allowed the touch, refusing to flinch, to give him any indication of fear or weakness. He whispered softly :

"Clever, Kuroki-san, but you see I have a good idea of how dangerous what is lurking behind those beautiful eyes of yours is..."

He let go of me.

"No, what I want to know is what it is, its name, and also... Why."

I bowed my head, focusing on the sensation of the trunk's rough bark against my back, contemplating the thought of standing up now and putting an end to this mad discussion I had no wish at all to pursue, and discarding it. If that one had come and revealed himself, he wouldn't be content to see me go without having some answers, he wouldn't let me go. I had no strength to spare for such a petty confrontation, so I told him :

"Its name doesn't matter, Sakurazuka-san. As to what it is, as a Dragon of Earth, I thought you'd know..."

I faced him, noting his smile at the name I had given him and judging my intuition to be correct, and smiled bitterly, feeling more than tired of having to repeat the same thing over and over again.

"It's your death, the death of every living being of this world, of everything. Does this satsify you ?"

He shook his head.

"It's barely a beginning, Kuroki-san..."

He grinned at me.

"But you amuse me, so I'll be patient and ask again : what is its name ? And why are you doing this ?..."

I kept on facing him, silent, not in the least of a mind of continuing what was obviously a very enjoyable game to him. His right hand cupped my chin, the fingers gently squeezing my jaw.

"Why do you fight against it, knowing the only victory you can gain is to have to be yourself as you start killing, and as a result tear your own heart apart ? Why don't you let it engulf you, at least you wouldn't be responsible..."

Responsible...

I laughed at him suddenly, an angry, mocking sound that filled the air around us.

"You talk as if I could hope to salvage some innocence of mine... Sakurazuka-san, you don't know, you can't imagine how many innocent lives I've taken, you have no idea how much blood I have on my hands..."

His fingers squeezed harder, and I vaguely felt pain in my jaw. He said in a voice devoid of emotion :

"No, I don't. But what I see before me is either a masochist in need of a therapy, or a poor cowardly fool who's willing to fight a insignificant battle in this war, a battle he's far from certain of winning, and which has no importance whatsoever, but who refuses to try and face the true combat that should be his. What do you hope to gain ? Do you think you can fool yourself and obtain some kind of forgiveness by forcing such pain on yourself ? Is that what you're after ? Forgiveness when you refuse to even try fighting what you consider to be unavoidable Fate ? But whose forgiveness ? The Gods ? Yours ? Humanity's ?"

His fingers released me, and I reflexively raised my right hand and gingerly touched the bruises with my fingertips.

"You're pathetic..."

I didn't hear the last sentence. His words kept echoing in my mind, dancing around me, mocking me, taunting me, and the darkness within rose, laughing with them, reaching out...

No.

I took a deep, painful breath, and shrugged, denying what was within me with difficulty.

"Believe what you will, right or wrong, it doesn't matter. The only answer I have for you is that it's the one thing I can do to thwart the Dark waiting at the heart of my soul... Small and insignificant though it may be, it's the only thing I can choose. Although perhaps..."

Suddenly, I faced him, staring at his blind eye.

"Tell me, Sakurazuka-san, would you be willing to let me pass through the Gate ? Would you be willing to let me walk beyond the veil of your right eye and reach the place where Destiny, Fatality and Providence dwell ? Perhaps then I could try to convince them to replace their pawns on the gameboard, to start anew, to give even the slightest chance to the opposite side if only to give some interest to their game, and thus sway the gods' will... Who knows, that argument might move the three cousins..."

I laughed ruefully, watching the complete surprise on his face, and told him :

"A legend, Sakurazuka-san, a mere legend from faraway Europe... And anyway, even if I could face the three cousins, they wouldn't change their game. They, like Fate, are cruel beyond the worst assassin's imagining..."

I sighed wearily.

"But I'll give you the answer you want, and then you'll go, and leave me alone until I decide the time has come to end it..."

I smiled at him, locking my eyes on his and allowing the laughter to come to the fore of my being and be felt.

"The Dark's name is Shiva."

The only thing that betrayed the shock my words triggered was a brief flicker in his left eye. Whoever he really was, Sakurazuka Seishirou was a man to be reckoned with. He stared at me steadily, silent for a long time, and eventually nodded, standing up in the same time, all pretense of cheerfulness or laughter gone from him.He turned away from me, and made to leave. I looked at his back for a second, and suddenly stood as well, calling :

"Sakurazuka-san..."

He stopped his movement, but didn't turn towards me. I smiled sadly.

"They must hate you very much, those for whom you choose to be a mirror of themselves..."

He faced me at that, and chuckled, shaking his head.

"You're a weird one, Kuroki-san, but you're right. Although they are few, those to whom I show this..."

He smiled at me.

"And whom I let live."

Sumeragi Subaru sighed wearily, crossing the empty street. He had been led a merry chase, and all this for nothing, nothing at all. Damn the Sakurazukamori and his tricks. Why had he chosen to let his presence be felt and then vanished ? It didn't make sense, the both of them had unfinished business, and... No matter, the only result was that this might veyr well have given Kuroki Gai a perfect opportunity to vanish.

Not that he cared in the slightest if the other did, even though there was some sort of kinship between them, perhaps as simple as the bond linking two damned souls, he was nothing in Subaru's eyes. Nothing mattered to him anymore, nothing but the Sakurazukamori.

His dead body bathing in its own blood.

Yes.

But the disappearance of Kuroki Gai would have upset Kamui, and caused the young Dragon of Heaven to look to Subaru for support, comfort... And that was the last thing he wanted. Because somehow he had found himself unable to deny the need in the beautiful purple eyes, to deny the echo of the other's pain, so like his own...

Sumeragi Subaru quickly entered the cemetary's ground, and had a sigh of relief as he got a glimpse of Kuroki Gai on the small park, busy talking...

To...

I had only a fraction of second of warning. All of a sudden, Sakurazuka Seishirou's body tensed, and I felt more than heard a cry tearing through the air.

Sakurazukamori !

I turned halfway around, shocked as I felt the raw fury in the cry, the burning rage, and saw Sumeragi Subaru at the cemetary's gates. The emerald eyes were impossibly dark and wide, as if Sumeragi Subaru hadn't been human anymore, but a wolf about to throw himself at his enemy's throat. He pushed himself from the gates, and I moved to put myself between him and Sakurazuka Seishirou.

"Out of my way."

His voice was a harsh hiss, and the fury inhabiting him kept rising, the emotion radiating from him...

Hatred...

Devouring...

"Come, Subaru-kun, you wouldn't harm an innocent just to get at me, would you ?"

Sumeragi Subaru froze at that, and I started as I heard the familiarity in Sakurazuka Seishirou's voice. Those two, they knew each other... Sakurazuka Seishirou chuckled fondly, adding :

"I fear I'll seem terribly impolite to you, but I came here only to chat with our friend, and I have no time for you now. So I'll be on my way..."

This emotion engulfing Sumeragi Subaru, I had seen it in him before...

"No !"

Sumeragi Subaru said some arcane words of power, and rushed forward, throwing what I saw only as some kind of cards... In the blink of an eye, I took my decision and stopped him, using my body as a shield between him and Sakurazuka Seishirou. Something struck my right flank, tearing through the flesh, hurting...

I staggered, feeling the jacket and shirt below it cut as if by a sharp razorblade, and somehting warm running down my skin.

Blood...

I ignored the pain, closing my right hand on Sumeragi Subaru's and whispering :

"No, don't."

He fought my hold, heightening the pain in my flank, but I refused to let go and he said in a voice hollow with rage :

"Move away, move away now or I'll..."

I shook my head and told him grimly :

"No, try to win beyond me if you will but you'll fail, we both know that."

He hissed :

"You don't know who he is, what he..."

I bit my lower lip, finding it increasingly more difficult to ignore the pain radiating through my flank as time passed, and finally gathered enough strength to tell him :

"No, I don't, but I can tell when someone's mind is so completely fogged by feelings, choked by emotions that there's no way he'd stand a chance in a fight, fair or not."

Strangely, my words seemed to reach something within, and he stopped fighting my hold. Behind us, Sakurazuka Seishirou laughed.

"You can indeed thank our gentle nemesis, Subaru-kun, you owe him your life..."

I let go of Sumeragi Subaru, and turned to face Sakurazuka Seishirou, feeling anger rising in me at the deliberate gibe in the other's tone. He was smiling ferally, relishing his oppponent's pain... I stepped towards him, and he bowed slightly.

"As I said, I have no more time for either of you. I'll be on my way, knowing we'll meet again soon."

Wind suddenly rose in the park, carrying myriads of beautiful sakura blossoms petals which surrounded Sakurazuka Seishirou, hiding him from view, and died, as suddenly as it had come.

Sakurazuka Seishirou was gone.

Beside me, Sumeragi Subaru slowly fell down on his knees and bowed his head.

"He's gone now..."

There was something beyond the fury and pain in his voice...

"Gone..."

Anguish. But then... I should have held my peace, and waited for him to regain his composure, but on impulse I asked him gently :

"Why ?"

Sumeragi Subaru's hands closed into fists, his knuckles white, and for a moment I thought he wouldn't answer, then a faint whisper reached my ears :

"He killed my sister. He killed her, and he..."

He stopped, clearly unable to continue, but I knew enough. The emotion devouring him was so strong and painful that likely he couldn't even give a name to it, other than the one he so desperately *wanted* it to be, but... I bit my lower lip, pressing my left hand against the still bleeding wound on my right flank. I had been right the first time I had felt this in him.

Love so hurt and twisted it almost couldn't be distinguished from hatred anymore...

Eventually, he stood up. The emerald eyes had regained their aloofness, it was as if he had slammed a wall down again between him and the outside world. He looked at me, sighing.

"I suppose I really owe you thanks..."

I shrugged, thinking that I'd have been much happier if he had restrained the blow that had struck me. It hurt like hell. Suddenly, he tore a piece of his shirt and gave it to me.

"Use this to staunch the blood, I'll call a taxi and we'll go back to the house. Luckily it's not so bad, even though it must hurt a lot."

I did as I was told, and started in surprise when I felt his arm around my shoulders half supporting me as we walked towards the exit of the park.

"Does it still hurt ?"

I looked at Shirou Kamui and smiled reassuringly, replying :

"Yes, but not too bad, don't worry, it'll soon be nothing but a memory."

He shook his head.

"Really though, to slip and fall on the stairs leading to the subway station... You could have been hurt bad..."

I shrugged helplessly, remembering the relief in Sumeragi Subaru's eyes when I had told the lie to the others. Clearly, he hadn't wanted anyone to know of his confrontation with Sakurazuka Seishirou, and although he hadn't asked me to hide the fact, I had found I could do this for him, it wasn't much.

Besides, I couldn't help understanding...

Suddenly, I realized that Kamui was standing right in front of me, his head bowed. He whispered softly :

"I have another thing to tell you, Gai-san..."

Now, what was this about ? Why was this strange mixture of fear, pain and shame radiating from him ? I told him gently :

"Then I'll listen, but only if you look at me..."

He did so, and I forced myself to face the purple eyes, refusing to look away. He nodded, and said :

"I've thought about the last two days, and I've realized that I've been the one always going to you, forcing myself on you, being close to you and asking for your help, without even asking if you didn't mind, without even asking your permission to be so close... I... You've never done the same, even though I've seen the pain in your eyes, you've never come to me to share it, you've never asked for my help... I wondered why, until I finally found the obvious answer : because you don't want my help. So, I'm sorry for having been such a bother..."

Before he could move away, I reached out to him and took his hands in mine. I looked at him, silent for a long while, fighting to control the wish to hold him close and comfort him, and at last breathed deeply, saying :

"You're not a bother, Kamui-san, and you have helped me, as much as it's possible to. If I never came to you, it's not because I reject you, it's because in the long run nobody can do anything for me, because I don't want you to waste your strength for me... I don't want you to be hurt for me, to feel what I do...I can't share this with you..."

Suddenly, his arms came around me and he held me tight, so tight my flank hurt. He whispered :

"Thank you for telling me. I understand you know... I really do..."

Tears came to my eyes, unbidden, and I somehow managed not to return his embrace. I couldn't do this to him, no matter how I longed to, he was no more Shurato than I was his friend Fuuma. I couldn't lie to him.

I couldn't !

The stars were shining in the night sky. It was pretty late, and I could feel weariness coming over me. Oddly, I wasn't afraid of sleeping, I wasn't afraid of the nightmares. Somehow, they had left me in peace last night, and I was certain it would be so this night as well, although I'd have been unable to explain why.

Or perhaps...

I smiled softly at the rising moon as a name came to my mind.

Kakyou...

I shook my head slowly, knowing I was a fool to believe he might have something to do with it, and yet I couldn't help feeling him close to me in the night, once the sun had set. I sighed inaudibly, unable to deny the emotion rising in my heart, aware that it was folly, and would only lead to more pain. Lie though it likely was, useless burden on my shoulders and his as it likely was... I chased the futile thoughts away, knowing I wouldn't be able to solve anything, knowing there was no answer, no solution to this.

Strangely glad there wasn't.

It was a good thing I had managed not to yield to the impulse pushing me to care for Shirou Kamui. A very good thing. I couldn't let myself feel love or affection for him, but there was one thing I could do for him.

And I'd do it, soon.

Still watching the stars, I whispered softly in the night :

"I promise."

End of Part 5.

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