[ Watashi ]

[ Tomodachi ]

[ Saint Seiya ]

[ Clamp ]

[ Fanfiction ]

"I see, it was really a close call."

Okita Soushi carefully sipped at his tea, wary of burning himself. The liquid was steaming hot. After a few moments of quiet silence, he stared back at me, and whispered softly, "I'm sorry you were put through all that pain, Tokio-san, really." His eyes were clear of any veil of false emotion, and the expression on his face was serious, unusually so, which told me he truly meant what he had said.

I shrugged slightly, feeling a distant ache in my back and my shoulder, and replied in a quiet voice, "Thanks. It ended for the best, or so it would seem." I felt a wry smile coming to my lips as I added, "I wouldn't have liked to have you as an enemy, Soushi-san."

"I wouldn't have given you the opportunity to be one." There was that innocent smile on his face, but he knew that hadn't fooled me for a long time, he knew I could see the light in his eyes. He meant every single word of that statement, and it was likely it was exactly what would have happened...unless the clan had resorted to Onmyoujutsu to defend its existence. The thought sent shivers down my spine. It would have been terribly wrong to do so.

Soushi waved the silence away, and said with laughter clear in his voice, "Anyway I'm happy your wounded shoulder prevented you from using the Hiratsuki technique I taught you, Tokio-san." He shook his head. "Saitou-san would have countered it instantly, and he'd have known at once who your swordmaster was." He chuckled. "But to find fault with me for not teaching you about the ken-ki...that is vexing!"

I grinned at him, laughing myself, and told him, "I wouldn't worry too much about that if I were you. Saitou Hajime looks like a man who enjoys the use of irony, and who loves finding the faults in others. They must be few, those for whom he doesn't have a stinging critique ready."

Soushi laughed ruefully. "True, and in fact I don't think anyone's ever been spared from that gift he had for ridiculing people."

We both sipped at our teas, allowing silence to reclaim dominion over the dojo for a while. The morning sun entering through a portion of the panel we had left open was producing a beautiful light and shade effect. I had the feeling that if I were to stand, walk a few steps and then reach out, my fingers would touch the sunlight. It was the end of April, and the temperature was starting to rise, and become more than agreeable.

The sakuras were in full bloom.

Everything was a bit late this year, but it was certainly due to the harsh winter. Perhaps nature also reacted to the hush and fear which had come over human beings in these troubled times.

"Things are getting worse, Tokio-san." Soushi's voice was soft, barely more than a whisper, and his eyes were distant. "The city is bristling with a tension so high it's bound to explode at some point. It's not a thing we Shinsengumi like to contemplate, but I am certain fighting will break out openly in Kyoto, soon. Once it starts...."

Chaos.

Death.

"Nobody can tell how it will end." His eyes settled on me, and I clearly saw the worry in them. "You and your clan must be careful, Tokio-san. You've always been perceived as neutral, but Saitou-san now views you as allies of sorts. If in the fighting word gets out, or if some of us are seen defending you--"

"It will send the signal that we've taken side for the Bakufu." I shook my head, chuckling bitterly. "This is stupid. We are not a fighting or political clan. Both sides should regard us as neutral, or as allies if they value the protection of Kyoto's spiritual side. They should realize that the spiritual doesn't give a damn about who is in power in the mundane, as long as it's not a demon straight from hell." I let out a frustrated sigh and then bowed to Soushi, telling him in a grateful voice, "My thanks for disclosing this to me, Soushi-san. I am in your debt."

"No you're not." He was smiling at me. A true, gentle smile for once. "We're friends, remember? And besides we're allies, after a fashion, so I'm not even exactly betraying secrets." He took another sip of his tea, and said, "You're right, both sides should see you as neutral, but I don't think the Ishin's more radical faction will be willing to make a bet on that, they will want all threat or possible threat out of the way."

I nodded somberly, forced to agree with his reasoning. I got back to drinking my own tea, closing my eyes and focusing on the warmth of the cup in my hands. Curse all those fools who lived only for grasping power. While they played at war and at mastering the Fate of Japan, the ones who paid the bill, who bled and died were always the same.

Just as Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu exists to protect the people.

I blinked as the image of Himura Kenshin appeared before me, and as I remembered the look of sorrow and weariness in the beautiful, dark blue eyes. Hitokiri he was, there was almost no doubt left in me about that, but--

A fallen angel, pushed down the abyss because of the generosity and gentleness of his heart. It was what my eyes had seen, in the short time that I had spent with him.

I set my empty cup down in the same time Soushi did. He shot a glance towards the training sword at my side, and smiled. "Now that you've recovered fully, we'll have to start training you in earnest again I guess."

I laughed out loud, exclaiming, "In earnest?!"

He grinned at me widely. "Why of course, you've been lazy enough, Sumeragi-sama!" I snorted disdainfully, refusing to take the bait, and then he slowly stood up, sighing regretfully. "I'm sorry, but I have to leave you, or Saitou-san will start glaring at me again for being lax in my duty and arriving just on time." He made a show of shaking in terror, and we both burst out laughing.

I stood as well in order to see him out, and I tensed as I heard him coughing.

Soushi....

I bowed my head silently, aware that help would have been unwelcome, and that I couldn't do anything to heal him truly. I had been able to make it better, but the sickness in his lungs was rooted so deep in his being that Onmyoujutsu, limited by the amount of my strength, was impotent. Once the fit had passed, I walked up to him and lightly rested a hand on his left shoulder. Turning towards me, he covered my hand with his, saying, "I'm okay, Tokio-san."

I watched him leave the house, trying to forget the pain I had seen in his eyes.

The street was bubbling over with feverish activity. I allowed myself to be carried away by the crowd, as if I had been a twig taken away by the ocean's tides, and eventually walked out to the side, feeling a bit light-headed. I looked around me and smiled, thinking I ought to go out more often. Watching people around me, the shops selling all kinds of fabrics, toys for children or a myriad of tempting foods was a fascinating spectacle, one which served to remind me there was a solid, real worlds where people lived their lives as best and normally as they could, beyond the often cold and detached concerns of the clan.

"A sweet potato, ojo-san?"

I blushed, realizing the shopkeeper had been talking to me. I was wearing women's kimono for once; my mother had adamantly argued I had no excuse for wearing men's clothing for the simple purpose of taking a walk outside and doing some sightseeing. I had complied just so she would shut up and leave me alone. Taking the tidbit the man was holding out to me, I paid him and walked away, taking a delicate bite of the sweet potato.

Delicious.

It was nice to be just one among many for once, to belong and be normal, ordinary.... I stopped by a small temple, and on impulse decided to make a wish.

If Keisuke could really mean what he said, if he could truly....

I clapped my hands together and looked up at the temple's roof, sighing. I was stupid to have done this. Wishes came true because people realized them with their own hands, not because some whimsical godling suddenly decided to turn a kind eye upon them.

"Sumeragi-san." I tensed as I heard the soft, gentle whisper, and whirled around to see a young woman right beside me.

I bowed slightly, relieved. "Tomoe-san, good day to you." Dear spirits, she had scared me, I could still feel my heart beating madly in my chest.

"Can you come with me for a while? It won't be long." I looked into her strange eyes from which the life seemed to have faded to be replaced by absolute melancholy, and saw nothing there. What was going on? Why would she, or Himura Kenshin need to talk to me? Eventually, shrugging off doubts and questions, I followed her. I could hardly refuse, after all that they had done for me.

She led me unerringly through the crowd, waiting for me whenever I was impaired by my cursed kimono, and we crossed over to another part of the city. As we stopped to allow a carriage passage, I asked her, "How can you walk so fast with a kimono? It's impossible to move in those wretched things!"

She smiled then, and her eyes lighted, if only for a fraction of a second. "You're trying to resist, and to master the fabric when it should be the other way around. You have to feel the kimono around you, feel the way the fabric will yield, and flow along with it."

As simple as that, of course. I sighed, reaching out to catch a few sakura blossom petals that the wind had carried my way, and admitted to myself I would be dead before I could manage to wear a kimono properly. I smiled softly at the delicate petals in the palm of my hand and released them as Tomoe walked on, perhaps anxious to reach her destination.

The woman who opened the door of the small boarding-house shot me a sharp, quick glance and then nodded, as if I was a known quantity. Tomoe bowed slightly at her, excusing herself for having had to go out and telling her she would get to work immediately. The woman walked away, saying it was okay, and Tomoe led me up a narrow flight of stairs to Himura Kenshin's room.

He smiled when he saw me coming in, and I once more noted the weariness in his eyes. It disappeared quickly though, as he bade me kneel and did the same, setting himself in front of me. Out of habit, I folded my hands into my lap, focusing my mind in the same time.

This was serious, very much so.

He bowed to me, saying, "Thank you very much for having accepted to come, Tokio-san."

I bowed back ,smiling." Please, there's no need for thanks, Himura-san. This is little in comparison of what you did for me."

He stared at me steadily, his night-colored eyes cold and unreadable once more. "I fear you will not think so once I have told you what I must." He shrugged, almost imperceptibly. "I would have gone to your house, but I am unsure as to how your father would have received my request, and what's more your house is watched by the Shinsengumi. It would be ill-advised for me to risk being noticed with a member of your clan." He allowed silence to settle back over the small room before telling me in a quiet whisper, "I must ask you never to reveal what I'm going to tell you, to anyone."

I looked at him for a while, acutely feeling I was out of my depths. My father should have been here, not I. I didn't want to be drawn into matters which could harm the clan, or to have to make decisions which didn't belong to me. Eventually I nodded, saying in a carefully neutral voice, "I swear this discussion and its contents will remain secret...but I won't agree to anything which might go against the interests of the Sumeragi clan."

A faint smile came to his lips when he heard that. "I promise you it won't be the case, Tokio-san. Thank you for trusting me." His eyes locked on mine, and he started. "As you have probably guessed, I serve the leader of a clan which is part of the Ishin. In our move against the Bakufu, we have spilled blood and taken lives. we have done what we must, in order to create a better future for the people of Japan." He waved towards the window panel of his room. "No matter what your opinion is, it's important I tell you this, and that you understand Katsura-san is one who truly believes in this statement. For this reason, he has always refused to take part in, or condone certain actions that more extremist factions among the Ishin urge us to do, and argue are absolutely necessary. Recently, those factions have grown more powerful, and their voice now holds a lot of weight. They have managed to influence the Ishin's way so much that Katsura-san is forced to take this single action, in the hopes that the worst can still be avoided.

The worst?

But...what was he talking about, and how could I fit in it? I was but a young woman, and I...I was also the next Sumeragi head of clan. A sick feeling slowly spread inside my heart.

"In their strategy to reach and dispatch important members of the Bakufu, those factions need to keep busy those who guard them, and in order to do so, they decided to create chaos in the city."

Chaos. Oh dear spirits, what were those madmen planning?

"It's a large scale action, and for this they need all the help they can get. One of them contacted someone who can create panic by killing people in a way nobody understands, and who can weaken Kyoto's defenses from within, unbalance the city without anyone noticing. This person--"

"Sakurazukamori." I spat the name in a hiss. I closed my hands into fists while the icy cold fear flooded my being. My mind reeled, overcome by the sudden understanding of it all, by the enormity of it and by my own stupidity in not realizing it sooner. I had circled around the problem like a dog worrying a bone but fearing to reach its marrow. Now at last, all the pieces were falling into place.

The assassin's game.

The random murders, everything.

And the bastard enjoyed it all, he--

I shook my head, willing the blind fury away. Himura Kenshin was not responsible, he was trying to prevent the worst, as he had said. I said in a toneless voice, "Poor crazy fools, do they even realize what they've done? Do they know what kind of monster they've turned loose? Do they somehow think in their folly that they can *control* him, or that he will stop when they tell him to? He's playing with them, not the other way around."

I shut up then, too angry to continue without starting to snarl. This was so horrible, and so incredibly stupid that I didn't know whether I felt like laughing or crying.

Himura Kenshin bowed his head, as if in shame, and then faced me, nodding and replying softly, "I know. And because we cannot let this happen, because we cannot allow the very people we've been fighting for to be killed and threatened, because this is not an enemy I can fight with my katana, we humbly request your help, Sumeragi Tokio-san."

I watched him in silence as he bowed deeply before me, feeling as if I was falling down a bottomless abyss, where light didn't reach. Did the red-haired samurai know what it was he was asking? Did he know he was asking me to most likely lay down my life?

As he wouldn't have hesitated to do, if he had thought he stood the smallest chance.

I closed my eyes, remembering the stupid, futile wish I had made at the small temple just a little while ago, and felt a sorrowful smile come to my lips. At last, I remembered I had an answer to give and whispered softly, "It's not the Sumeragi's way to take lives, but still I will fight to stop the Sakurazukamori, with all my power."

He nodded slowly and pushed an envelope on the floor towards me, saying, "I know what I'm asking you to do, Tokio-san. In this envelope you will find an official request signed by Katsura-san. It will allow you to justify yourself in front of your clan. You will also find a paper on which is written the time and place of the next meeting between a member of the Ishin and a courier of this assassin."

I took the envelope and stored it in my kimono, standing in the same movement. I needed to be back home and to exercise in the dojo, to focus my mind on the sword before I could start preparing a confrontation against a shadow who was stronger than I was, and who would welcome the distraction.

"If I could do anything, anything at all against this threat, I would do it."

Himura Kenshin had risen as well, and was standing right behind me.

I bowed my head, then turned to face him, smiling gently as I said, "I know, Himura-san. I know you wouldn't hesitate for a second to sacrifice yourself," my voice reduced to a whisper, "as you've already done."

Surprise flashed in his eyes for the briefest of moments, and I knew my feeling had been correct. It was an unfair, cruel fate which had forced him to become what he was...like mine. Breaking the awkward silence, I bade him good-bye and left this room before I succumbed to the impulse of holding him against me.

Because of the terrible bleeding wound in his heart.

Because no matter how hard I tried to deny it, I was afraid to die.

I sipped at my small cup of sake, hoping I wouldn't have to stay long enough in this cheap tavern to empty the jug on the table. First the drink didn't taste right, and second I really couldn't afford to be drunk tonight, no matter how much a part of me wished I could have been. Alcohol would have drowned my fear, perhaps.

It had been two weeks since I had talked with Himura Kenshin, and this evening was the moment which had been set for the meeting between one of the Ishin's extremists and the Sakurazukamori's messenger. I had tried to approach my father on the subject of the assassin, if only to glean a few precious bits of information about him, but he had adamantly refused to discuss him, just as he had repeated it was not our way to step into mundane matters or to ever confront our shadow directly. I was aware of that, just as I was aware that this rule couldn't be respected this time, not if I wanted to ever be able to live with myself. Eventually I had abandoned the hope of enlisting my father's or the clan's help, and I had tried to prepare myself as best I could.

Fighting to chase away the absolute certainty of defeat.

At least, Katsura Kogoro's letter had given me a perfect alibi, and had allowed me to openly leave the house with my ceremonial robes--neatly stored in a bag under the small table before me--and to rehearse spells without having to hide.

I spied the other patrons from the weak-lighted alcove I had chosen as my observation spot, but saw nothing special. I had barely avoided triggering wards when I had stepped into the tavern. They were small, weak and almost undetectable, and they were a very safe way for my enemy to know if unwanted guests were trying to pry on his business. Fortunately I had been expecting something like this, otherwise I would have stepped right into the fine trap like a novice. I was sure that would have amused him to no end.

A new patron entered the tavern, and I tensed as I saw the pattern of colors on his jacket. This man was the Ishin's envoy. He went straight for an alcove on the opposite side of the inn's taproom and knelt close to a young man who had come in even before I had. Their exchange lasted maybe three or four minutes, then the Sakurazukamori's courier stood, and left through the backdoor close to him.

Shit, he had to be a regular of the place, I hadn't foreseen he'd go out that way. I still hadn't seen his face, but there was something familiar about his general silouhette.... Cursing against the room's too weak light, I stood and left through the front door, shouldering my bag and leaving enough money on the table to pay for three times what I had drunk. Once I was out of the thin web of wards, I closed my eyes and focused my mind, sending the smallest fraction of my awareness *up*.

There.

I smiled as I spotted my quarry through the eyes of the raven which was my own shikigami. Unseen and unperceived, I started following him in the night.

Damn, where was the man going? We had crossed a good part of the city already, and it looked like he didn't intend to stop anytime soon. Was he being overcautious and ensuring he would give the slip to anyone who might have followed him? I was dying to order the raven to fly before him so I could get a glimpse of his face, but I didn't dare for fear I would run into a shield or a ward as we neared the place where he had to meet his master.

At last he left the main street to step into a dark, narrow alley. Harshly mastering the fear rising in my heart, I watched, unmoving as the man entered a grove of old sakuras, and didn't reappear on the other side. So.... I focused my mind on the place and recoiled, hissing softly between my teeth.

The place was another web of wards, as subtle as the ones on the tavern had been, but much, much more numerous. It was impossible to enter without being immediately noticed, and likely identified. If this wasn't one of the assassin's lairs, I didn't know what it was. Breathing deeply and willing a veil of calm to settle over me, I set my bundle down and started undressing before putting on my ceremonial robes. Once it was done, I retrieved the kodachi blade and on impulse set it in my back. It was likely it wouldn't be of any use, but the feeling of the shortsword against my back was oddly comforting.

Soushi, I go into battle. I hope I will be worthy of what you taught me.

For even if the weapons in this case would be Onmyoujutsu spells, the art of facing the enemy and fighting him I had gained from learning the way of the sword with Okita Soushi. Without him, there was no way I could have gathered enough courage and strength to face this.

All right, you've allowed yourself enough time to tarry and waver. Get on with it, girl, you have work to do.

With a crooked smile, I stepped into the alley, right towards the grove of blooming sakuras. When I reached the first ward, I ripped through it, unmaking it with a flashy but easy spell. He would know someone was coming, but at least he wouldn't know it was me. My smile suddenly showed my teeth as the familiar mask of ice came over my heart and face.

I stopped right in the middle of the small clearing in the center of the grove, making myself a clear and easy target.

A woman in long, flowing white ceremonial robes standing alone in the darkness.

Nothing had come in my way until now, he was perhaps too surprised to react at once.... No matter. I asked ironically, "Must I destroy more wards in order to warn you of my presence, Sakurazukamori-san?"

There was a soft chuckle right behind me. "This will do nicely, thank you...."

Dear spirits, that voice.... At once similar and subtly different from the one I had heard on our previous encounters. I had felt it was familiar somehow, then, and I had dismissed the impression. Now I knew I hadn't been mistaken. Trying to ignore the feeling of burning cold which had washed over my being, I forced myself to keep focusing on what was around me.

Why?

Oh dear spirits, why?

Far away, deep beneath the mask of battle, a part of me cried out in sorrow and wept as I slowly turned to face the assassin who was our clan's shadow.

Sakurazuka Keisuke smiled softly as he finished his sentence, "Thank you for the warning, Tokio." His eyes narrowed slightly as he likely searched my face for signs which would have betrayed my state of mind. Eventually he waved in the direction of the sakura beside him, as if chasing away a pestering fly, and said conversationally, "The one who taught you the way of the sword must be a true master, your mask is very close to perfect. He must be either a Shinsengumi captain, or maybe someone like that hitokiri, the Battousai the Ishin brag about."

He came towards me, but I didn't move, not about to give him any indication of the storm which was tearing my heart apart. He reached out to me and I allowed his fingers to brush my cheeks while I kept on staring right at him, unwilling to be distracted.

No matter what, he wouldn't destroy my focus.

He wouldn't.

"It's the second time you surprise me, Tokio. I didn't think that was possible." His voice was a soft whisper which lost itself in the sakuras' branches. "However, I don't understand what folly possessed you to come to me alone. What do you hope to accomplish?"

My right hand reached up, as if of its own volition, and closed upon his, slowly pulling it away from me. Denying the grief engulfing my being, I said in a voice devoid of emotions, "I didn't come here to fight you, Sakurazukamori-san. I came to ask you not to go along with those Ishin fanatics. Please, stop it while it's still possible to do so. If you have a quarrel with my father, my clan or me, then take the matter out with us, but don't threaten Kyoto's balance."

He burst out laughing, as if I had made some witty joke. "I knew the Sumeragi were timorous, but I had never guessed how much." His voice reduced to a barely audible whisper as he added, "I already told your father, Tokio. I am merely moving along with the flow of destiny. There is nothing you can do, nothing will stop what is coming."

I shivered at those words, unable to help myself. Stepping aside, I walked forward and said as I passed him by, "Believe what you will. Fighting is not our way, but if you refuse to be convinced, then I will oppose you with all I have."

"I have no doubt that you will try, but..." I froze when I heard the half-ironic, half-gentle mockery in his voice, "little girl, how can you think yourself up to facing me? You were trained well and you have talent, but there is one weakness within you which I patiently nurtured and which will prevent you from lifting a hand against me. Have you forgotten already, Tokio? I am your friend, the person you would trust with your life...the person you love."

I closed my eyes tightly shut, bowing my head and gritting my teeth not to howl the pain raging inside. Clenching my fists at my sides, I replied flatly, "No."

I faced him then, and cast the first of my spells, establishing a shield around me. He couldn't be convinced, he didn't give a damn about the innocents who would die, all he cared about was enjoying that game of his. That was why he had been talking with me now, because it was fun.

He raised an eyebrow. "Just 'no'? Nothing more?" He grinned at me. "You don't believe your own words, little girl." With the edge of his right hand, he made a slicing motion, lacerating my shield as easily as if it had never been there.

I staggered backwards, reflexively feeling for my flank, and my fingers found blood there, viscous and warm. I made myself focus on my opponent and stood my ground when he came towards me with that same gentle, almost tender smile on his lips.

"Is it still just 'no', Tokio? Even when I start tearing your pitiful ward apart and cut your flanks like lace while you don't even try to defend yourself? Won't you do anything to prevent me from hurting you?" Once more his right hand rose, and then came down.

I set a knee on the ground, pressing a hand against my right flank and focusing desperately on holding the shield together. He was right, I knew he was. I had to act, to force him back , but....

Soushi, help me. I can't do this.

I can't!

I cried out when he cut through the barrier for the third time, destroying it completely. If only I could just lie down and close my eyes, rest for a little while, forget everything, forget this pain....

"Are those tears shining in your eyes, Tokio?"

I tensed when I heard that, realizing my mask was slipping, and my focus wavering, all because of him. Because he was toying with me, hurting me and enjoying it like the monster he was.

The monster he was.

The words echoed in my mind, resonating endlessly within, and at last I understood this was true, this was real. Then, I let go. I freed the memories and emotions I had sheltered and hidden in the most secret part of my soul. I let the tears run down, I let them soak my face, grieving for the friend I had had, for the person he had been, no matter it had been nothing more than a very well done facade.

I cried for the man a part of me had started to love.

I stood as he was coming towards me, unheeding of the physical pain, and reached for my ofudas. I told him with a smile, "Yes, they are tears, tears for the person I knew, for Keisuke who was one of the two friends I had, for Keisuke who is dead." Focusing my mind and willing the spell into being, I added quietly, "I will have revenge for this death, Sakurazukamori-san."

I cast the spell then, scattering my ofudas in the air and allowing the sudden gust of wind to take them away. They came to life in a frenzy of beating wings and swept down upon the man standing before me from all the directions at once. They were not the small, harmless shikigamis I had used before. They were great ravens, darker than the night around us, and their talons and beaks were sharper than a sword's edge. He laughed when he saw them.

And I smiled.

Freeing the third of my spells, I chanted the three syllables and the storm of birds and wings shone brightly in the night as it became a torrent of flames, a firestorm which engulfed Sakurazuka Keisuke.

My friend.

My....

The Sakurazukamori, he was nothing but--

Power erupted, wind so violent it took out the flames with it, and the assassin smiled at me. He hadn't moved an inch, the only damages my two consecutive spells had inflicted being a sizzled lock of hair on the left side of his neck and a shallow cut right beneath his left eye, from where a bit of blood had run down, marking his cheek.

"So you can play in my league, little girl."

Ice encased my being when I heard the happiness in his voice. He *was* happy. What power did he have, if my spells had been mere interesting toys for him?

Don't let your enemy read you.

If there is nothing else you can do, attack.

Attack.

Bringing my hands together and intertwining my fingers in the required, intricate pattern, I closed my eyes and started to chant, summoning all the strength, all the life I had left within me.

"Oh no, little girl. No you don't."

I felt power rising inside my heart, but in the same time *something* whipped around my arms, tearing my hands apart. Then it whipped around my throat, choking my voice, around my waist and my legs, and harshly pulled me back against something hard, as hard as.... I looked up to see the looming shape of an impossibly ancient sakura right above me.

A beautiful sakura in full bloom.

I tried to free myself, frantic, I tried to voice the spell but the vine around my throat tightened, coming dangerously close to strangling me.

"I told you 'no', Tokio." I looked right in front of me, and saw him stepping towards me. He stooped as he reached my left side, and raised a hand, gently caressing my cheek. He whispered, "I should thank you, really. It had been a long time since I had last been forced to truly use my talent."

I stared at him numbly, unable to react, when suddenly I felt something in my back.

The kodachi.

I still had the shortsword. My mind frantically sought after a way to free it, but I couldn't move. I was completely paralyzed.

"How should we end this? The sakura wants you, very much, but..." his fingers wiped my tears away and slowly traced my lips, with almost sensual tenderness as he added softly, "I surprise myself with wanting you as well."

NO!

Eyes wide, I pulled at the bonds with all my strength, to no avail. I couldn't move, no matter what. I was defenseless, at his mercy. He wiped a few drops of blood from the scratch I had inflicted him and traced my tears with it. Shaking feverishly, I stared at another sakura behind him, barely able to distinguish it through the tears filling my eyes.

Kill me.

Kill me and have done with it, damn you!

It was over and I knew it. The only weapon I had left was out of my reach, and--

"More visitors? Please be welcome."

What?

I followed his sideward glance, and my heart skipped a beat as I recognize Shinsengumi jackets. On my right, Saitou Hajime raised his blade to the level of his left shoulder, leaning back on his left leg and taking aim for Sakurazuka Keisuke's heart. The assassin smiled contemptuously when he saw that. Uncaring of his enemy's disdain, the captain of the third troops of the Shinsengumi moved.

Flowed, faster than the wind.

It was the technique Soushi had taught me, and then it was not, it was *more*. Something flashed in the Sakurazukamori's eyes, like surprise, but when the blade reached him all it met was a myriad of beautiful of sakura blossom petals. As if he had been expecting this, Saitou Hajime calmly stopped beside me and freed me from the tree, catching me and supporting my weight as I fell forward, unable to stand on my own.

"We must run." From the corner of an eye, I saw the other two Shinsengumi rushing at Sakurazuka Keisuke, who had reappeared a few steps behind us. Saitou Hajime pulled me forward mercilessly and I followed, holding on to him for balance and stumbling along.

Sorrow overcoming me like a tidal wave.

I fell more than I sat on the futon of the small room of the inn which was next to the Shinsengumi's headquarters. I had no idea how we had managed to reach the place, there was nothing in my memory, nothing but pain and grief.

Devouring, like fire.

"Your wounds aren't deep. You're lucky." I stared emptily at Saitou Hajime, distantly wondering if he was trying to be funny. I could barely hold on to my mask of indifference, it wouldn't last much longer. I knew. I wanted him to leave the room.

Leave.

Leave me.

Leave me alone.

Leave me alone!

"You knew him?" there was a question in his quiet voice.

Remembering what he was, I realized he wanted information on the assassin, information his perception of me was telling him I could give. In a faint, dead voice I said, "Sakurazuka Keisuke. He was apprenticed the Shatku the swordmaker."

He raised an eyebrow, in surprise or other, and then nodded. "Thank you, Sumeragi-san." That said, he started to stand, adding, "I'll send for someone to take care of your wounds."

Abruptly I understood he was indeed going to leave the room, to leave me alone as a part of me frantically wanted.

To leave me alone with grief.

With pain.

With shame.

Something deep within me broke then. In a mad, instinctive impulse, I reached out to him like blind woman groping for a guide, and my fingers grasped the edge of his right sleeve, pulling him back.

"Saitou-san...." I barely recognized my own toneless whisper.

"Yes?" He had frozen, halfway between kneeling and standing. there was nothing to be heard in his voice, nothing but perfect, absolute neutrality.

I leaned my brow against his shoulder, feeling the fabric of his jacket as well as the hard muscles of his arms against my face, and whispered, "Nothing. Just..." my voice broke, but I managed to go on, "just hold me for a little while...please." I didn't care about the wounds in my flanks, I could hardly feel them, but the fire scorching my heart....

Silence came back over the room, then arms wrapped around me, gently, carefully bringing me close. And when I felt fingers softly caressing my hair, the mask finally fell apart. Shoulders shaking with violent, soundless sobs, I wept in Saitou Hajime's arms while a grief which had no name drowned my soul.

End of Part 4.

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