[ Watashi ]

[ Tomodachi ]

[ Saint Seiya ]

[ Clamp ]

[ Fanfiction ]

I slowly shook my head.

"Rythm, Kenji-kun, rythm..."

The boy stopped beside me and I showed him the course I had built for him.

"You must analyse the course, the fences' height, and according to your horse's capabilities, judge what speed and thus what rythm is the best. Once you have decided that, you need to cling to it, okay ? You should keep a constant rythm, as much as possible, no variation during the course..."

I smiled.

"Unless of course you realise the distance is coming badly for a fence and you must ask an extra-effort of your horse..."

I gently stroked his grey gelding's nose.

"And remember Kenji-kun, the change in rythms, and daring turns and dashing speed are for the jump-off, and for very experienced riders. Better to make a clean course, than to make the best time with two or three fences down. Besides, it's not good for your horse. Okay ?..."

He nodded.

"Good..."

I showed him two fences in line on the side of the course I had built.

"Tell me, how many strides between those two fences ?"

He looked at them for a while, then said :

"I'm not sure Kassandra-sensei... It looks like four, but it's a bit too big, and five would come a bit short as well, given the length of Tora's strides..."

I chuckled.

"Good Kenji-kun, very good. In fact, you can cover the distance, either in five short strides or four long..."

It was a very good exercice, and one of the hardest for one who was beginning to master his vision of distances. It taught control of the horse and of the rythm...

"So, first you'll give me five strides in the line, then four. Go when you feel ready."

He walked Tora to the line of fences and studied the distance a bit more closely. Then he turned on the left and started at a canter.

I smiled appreciatively.

Good speed.

Good rythm.

He turned correctly, wide enough and far enough of the first fence, and and the grey gelding pricked his ears, eager to go to the fence.

One, two, three, four, five.

Very good. Yes, very good indeed.

I nodded, and he started another canter, a bit more rapid.

Umm...

It wouldn't do, not if he wanted to keep a constant rythm.

One, two...

Ah yes, of course...

The boy touched his spurs to the horse which abrutply accelerated and made a big, awkward jump above the second fence.

I shook my head, smiling.

"Kenji-kun, your rythm was too slow. Didn't you see it when coming in the line ? Didn't you feel it ?"

He bowed his head.

"Only after the first jump... I'm sorry..."

I chuckled gently.

"Hey ! You're here to learn, I never expected you never to make mistakes, go at it again, I must go get Hisei back from the pasture now. If you have trouble with the four strides, then make one clean passage with five and call it quits. We'll start that exercice anew next time. Okay ?"

I took my halter from the field's rail and walked away, thinking that I was feeling relieved this kid could make mistakes.

I breathed deeply the warm afternoon air. It was a beautiful Sunday of Autumn. A pefect day for letting my mischievous chestnut stallion indulge himself a bit. After all, these were his retirement days...

I opened the fence, waving off flies.

Shit, there were many of those pests, Hisei was bound to have been bugged by them the whole afternoon... Perhaps I should have checked on him earlier and took him back then...

Now where was that horse ?

I looked on the right, then on the left.

Flies.

A lot of them.

An awful lot of them.

I walked forward, slowly, and stopped.

Absentmindedly, I noticed the faint sweet, sickly smell rising in the air.

Flies were buzzing all around me.

I looked down during a long time.

My heart empty.

From nowhere, a lonely sakura petal fell slowly in the palm of my open right hand. I looked at it during a long time, and eventually let go of it.

Then I heard myself whispering :

"Is this what you call a hunt ?"

No answer came back to me, but I hadn't expected any.

He had come, and gone once his work had been done.

Artfully done, I had to admit that.

Eventually, I turned and walked away.

I opened the door of Fuji Leiji's office and went in. He lifted his head from his papers at the sound of my steps, and looked up.

"What's up Kassandra-san ?"

I smiled, saying in a toneless voice :

"You must call the knacker, there's a horse's carcass to be removed from the North pasture. Hisei's dead, there's been an accident..."

That said, I turned my back on him. As I my hand was closing on the door handle, I heard his shocked voice :

"What ?! Kassandra-san, wait !"

I opened the door and went out, discarding him.

Slowly, I went through the courtyard, ignoring people's curious looks, and went to the farthest pasture, the one which faced West and the sunset.

I sat down in the grass, dropping the halter beside me.

Clouds were gathering in the sky.

Hisei...

I smiled bitterly.

No I didn't feel anything.

As if my heart had been encased in ice.

It didn't hurt.

I was feeling dead.

Empty.

I looked up, and suddenly, the image of the beautiful chestnut stallion appeared before me.

Neatly, precisely sliced to pieces.

Bathing in his own blood.

Flies hungrily drinking the thick crimson red liquid.

A real work of art.

And deep inside of me I knew Hisei hadn't died quickly. I knew that it was only the last cuts that had killed him.

I knew.

The assassin had carved him alive.

And I hadn't heard anything.

I hadn't felt anything.

Hisei hadn't even whinnied.

I remembered my own inability to cry out under the assassin's hold and chuckled.

Of course he hadn't whinnied.

I gathered my knees against my chest and leaned my chin on them.

I had been careless.

I had been stupid.

And Hisei had paid the price.

Something wet and cold fell upon my brow and I looked up.

Rain.

I smiled.

Well, at least rain would replace the tears I was unable to shed.

Rain would clean the blood staining the grass of the North pasture.

Rain would clear the air of the stench of death.

I let the rain soak my face, unmoving, and suddenly whispered :

"Death reaps the beauty of the world..."

The raindrops were slowly running down my face.

"Bundles old crops to hasten new..."

The sky had a dark grey colour now, as if it were mourning.

"Be still heart, hold peace..."

I suddenly heard a bitter, broken sound rising in the air, and realised I was laughing.

My fingers clutched the rough fabric of my jeans and I bowed my head.

Hisei...

Time passed.

Night had fallen, and I hadn't moved.

It was still raining.

I didn't want to move.

I didn't want to think.

Cold...

My heart skipped a beat.

A presence...

I abruptly stood up and turned to face the intruder.

A man, tall and lean.

Wearing a dark raincoat.

His right eye blind.

Watching me.

I whispered, taken aback :

"Seishirou ?..."

He nodded, reaching out to me. Unexpectedly, anger rose in my heart and I said :

"Fuji-san phoned you..."

Damn I didn't want to see him or anybody. He nodded.

"Yes, and I can see he was right to tell me to come."

I shook my head, saying in a flat voice :

"Wrong. Go away Seishirou..."

I sighed.

"Just go away, please."

He smiled gently.

"Of course. You're coming with me Kassandra, even if I have to drag you away from this place..."

My hands closed into fists.

"Well, must I ?"

I shrugged, smiling bitterly.

"Okay, I'll come, not that it will change anything..."

I walked up to him and he took off his coat, putting it on my shoulders.

I shivered, realising I was really cold.

I turned the faucet off and stepped out of the shower, reaching out for a towel.

Seishirou's bathroom was more spacious than mine, that was certain.

I quickly dried myself and then put on a bathrobe.

I still didn't undertsand why I had accepted to accompany him.

What I was doing here, in his appartment.

I got out of the bathroom and walked to the window of his living room.

Tokyo's lights were shining in the night.

It was still raining.

I heard the slight sound of Seishirou's steps behind me and saw his reflection in the window.

He was bearing two steaming cups of what had to be green tea.

He asked gently :

"Are you feeling any better ?"

I turned to face him and took the cup in his left hand, shrugging.

"I am not cold anymore."

I slowly drank a swallow. His tea was delicious.

I closed my eyes.

As if somehow I could suddenly wake up and find myself in another reality.

But I couldn't escape.

I knew that.

I had learned my lesson a long time ago.

Happiness never lasted.

It existed, only briefly.

Life...

Life had to be endured.

Sometimes one could find respite during a short moment... But it never lasted.

Never.

Life was an endless battle.

A battle I was now used to fighting.

Because I had no other choice.

Because deep inside of me something refused to give up.

Stubbornly.

It always came down to a point where I almost forgot about this and decided I had had enough. Then the voice in my soul would rise.

And force me to go on.

Mercilessly.

Sometimes I was thankful for that.

Sometimes I was angry.

Now I simply didn't care anymore.

I drank again, focusing on the sensation of warmth spreading through me.

I shook my head, whispering softly :

"Why ?..."

I bowed my head.

"Why do that ? There are other ways to hurt me. Why use a defenceless being ?..."

I finished the cup.

"I thought he liked a fight, a hunt, not simple slaughter... Would I have been mistaken then ?"

Hands gently took the empty cup from me and I looked into Seishirou's eyes.

"Perhaps because he knew that this would hurt you the most..."

I laughed shortly.

"Hurt me ?..."

I turned away, facing the night and shaking my head.

"It hurt me when I saw the carcass. Yes, at that very moment. But then, as usual, I discarded the dead. I cannot help this Seishirou. I cannot feel anything for what is dead. It is gone, forever. And I can only feel emptiness. Nothing else but that cold void... Nothing else..."

I smiled.

"It doesn't hurt me anymore."

A hand settled on my left shoulder.

"When will you stop lying to yourself Kassandra ?"

I tensed.

"I am not..."

He cut me gently.

"Stop it. Stop torturing yourself by refusing the grief. What goal does it accomplish ? Who are you trying to fool ? Yourself ? Me ? I know you, I held you in my arms when Shadow died, I know. How can you claim to be free of your pain if you do not face it and accept it in the first place ?"

But it was true !

I simply could not feel anything, I...

Something warm ran down my right cheek and reached my lips.

Salty.

I looked at my reflection in the window.

I was crying.

I whispered :

"I cannot..."

A sob shook me, and Seishirou's arms embraced me from behind, hugging me very gently and he said :

"I know..."

He held me tight.

"I know how much it hurts you... Let go Kassandra, let go of the wall and cry..."

My hands went up, and my fingers closed on his arms.

Around us, I heard a sound.

A keening sound of mourning.

My voice.

It went on during a long time. A time during which Seishirou held me, offering me a shelter, a place where my grief could exist.

A place where I could let the tears run down.

Eventually, silence once again filled the living room.

Seishirou's embrace relaxed, and suddenly I felt his hands gently, skillfully massaging my cramped shoulders, drawing the awful tension out of my body.

His lips lightly kissed the base of my nape and I shivered.

I...

No...

I whispered :

"Don't... Please don't..."

He gently kissed the left side of my neck, whispering in my ear :

"What is it Kassandra ?"

I fixed my reflection in the window, smiling ruefully.

"You cannot want this..."

His fingers softly ran through my hair.

"And why would I not want this ?"

I faced him.

"Seishirou, I know myself, and I have eyes to see you. I have no false notions on my own appearance. There is no way someone like you might even remotely be attracted by the likes of me."

He smiled.

"Is that so ?..."

His right hand softly stroked my cheek.

"Do you hate yourself so much then Kassandra ?"

My heart skipped a beat.

He...

I smiled bitterly, saying :

"Perhaps..."

He kissed me, holding my face in his hands. As he released me, he shook his head.

"Then you are wrong in doing so. Believe me, I am not one who would make love out of pity or compassion..."

He smiled.

"But I can understand your desire to remain alone, if you think it best, I can understand your being afraid... I really have an extra-room for guests. All you have to say is no..."

I looked at him, lost.

I didn't know what to do.

Eventually, I bowed my head, whispering :

"I am afraid... But... I do not want you to go away... I..."

His lips brushed my brow.

"Then, I will not."

Seishirou's fingers were tenderly running through my hair.

I closed my eyes, relishing the gentleness of his touch.

"Are you awake ?..."

I smiled in the dark, nestling against him and he asked softly :

"I hurt you, didn't I ?"

I almost said no, but then I knew I couldn't lie to him so I answered :

"Yes, during a very brief moment..."

I looked up at him.

"But it's nothing compared to what you gave me."

He gently stroked my right cheek.

"It matters to me Kassandra... Why didn't you tell me it was your first time...?"

I blushed and he chuckled fondly.

"Don't tell me you were ashamed or some other stupidity of this kind !"

I smiled.

"Well..."

He kissed me, whispering :

"Baka..."

I hugged him tight, leaning my head against his chest and closing my eyes.

Everything was mixing up inside me.

Grief, pain, and another thing that was burning like the sun.

"Seishirou..."

He cut me softly.

"Hush..."

He laid me back on the bed and gently covered my eyes with his right hand.

"Sleep Kassandra..."

So...

I smiled, watching her sleeping form.

She was really full of surprises.

Fascinating the way she had offered herself to me.

The way her soul had been revealed.

And then hidden again, almost immediately.

As if she had embraced me and then released me.

The walls once more closing around her.

But now I had touched her heart.

Now I knew her shields could and would drop for me.

I bent down and lightly kissed her lips.

She was sweet.

My fingers stroked her face, going down her throat and feeling the steady pulse of her life.

All it would have taken was a slight pressure there.

But it would have been over much too soon.

Much too easily.

I had time.

She was mine.

Light was cutting through the darkness.

Reluctantly, I opened my eyes, and saw the morning sun entering the bedroom despite the Venetian blind.

"Good morning..."

I looked on the right and saw Seishirou sitting on the bed beside me. I smiled at him.

"Hello..."

Oh goddess, I was feeling so wonderfully well...

His smile was enough to warm my heart.

Suddenly, a small detail came back to my mind and I asked him :

"Oh my... What time is it ?"

He chuckled gently.

"Very late my lady, very late indeed..."

His index finger touched the tip of my nose.

"But don't worry, I phoned the criminal brigade to tell them you wouldn't be coming to work today, that you needed rest..."

He smiled mischieveously.

"As I said I was a doctor they didn't protest..."

I laughed.

"I didn't know you could be that devious mister !"

He smiled softly.

"You will learn to know me Kassandra..."

His eyes... He went on.

"And besides I have also warned the clinic where I work that I wouldn't be able to come today. So we have the whole day for us, and to begin with, I fixed us breakfast..."

I looked at the man who was my friend and my lover.

I looked at him and coldly recalled the image of Hisei cut to pieces.

The next on the assassin's list might be Seishirou.

Ice spread through my body.

Oh, no.

No, I would not let that happen.

I had been a fool once.

He would not have his way again.

No matter what it took.

He had killed Hisei.

I would make him pay.

I would never let those I loved be endangered again.

"A penny for your thoughts..."

I looked at Seishirou and said softly :

"I was thinking about Hisei..."

He stroked my face tenderly and I leaned into the caress, relishing it. It would have been so easy to close my eyes now, and to forget. To let Seishirou be my shield.

I could not do that.

I whispered :

"You know, I have reached a decision..."

I had a feral smile.

"I am going to find the assassin..."

I looked into Seishirou's eyes.

"And once I have found him, I will kill him."

He stared at me steadily for a few seconds, and then suddenly crushed me against him, kissing me fiercely.

I knew the name of the feeling burning in my heart.

It was love.

End of Part 6.

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