[ Watashi ]

[ Tomodachi ]

[ Saint Seiya ]

[ Clamp ]

[ Fanfiction ]

The sound of boiling water intruded in the melody, and I put my CD-player on pause, sighing.

Shit, I had forgotten about the tea...

I got up from the rocking chair which was the only luxury thing I had allowed myself in the appartement, and went to the small kitchen. I turned off the gas and took the kettle, careful not to get burned.

I poured water in the cup, and at once a delicious smell of bergamotte rose in the air around me.

I just loved Earl Grey.

I took the cup and went back to the living room, slowly turning the bag of tea in the water and watching the colour of the drink change.

I took a sip, relishing the taste, and closed my eyes.

Gods I needed that...

Suddenly, I remembered the CD and cursed, thinking I didn't like to leave a disc on pause for too long. I quickly took the remote and pushed on the play button.

Good.

I drank a long swallow.

Funny how the amount of work imposed on me had diminished after I had told my superior I wouldn't need an access to the central files anymore.

So funny...

I had no more reason to search those files, it was useless.

There wasn't the slightest clue in them.

They were simply there, like a catalogue of deaths.

Almost like an advertisement.

And somehow, it wouldn't have surprised me if it was exactly what they were. It might have been interesting to see who had access to those files, and who used that access, but I didn't have the privileges to do so. And besides, it would have been as good as throwing myself from the Rainbow bridge.

Hell, I was stuck.

I knew no way of finding the assassin.

But I refused the option of waiting for him to come to me. As Seishirou had said, in the meantime it was likely he would kill other people, and their deaths would be on my shoulders.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Had Seishirou been there, he would have chuckled, saying I was in a foul mood indeed.

Damn right.

I finished the cup of tea, and put it down on the small table beside me.

My left leg was slowly moving in rythm.

What ?

The music...

I closed my eyes.

This music...

I focused on the sounds, and instinctively my body began to follow the slow chords.

Dancing.

The rythm broke suddenly, and became harsh.

Dark.

Drums hitting my chest with more and more force.

Hurting me.

My body followed, in repeatedly broken moves.

I could feel my heart beating faster with each second.

Each echo of the drums a more violent blow than the former.

Dark...

Hopeless...

I...

It rains...

No...

No it's not rain...

Small, beautiful and fragile, they fall around me.

Silky soft.

Tainted with a faint touch of red.

The colour of blood.

Blood...

Life...

Death...

I smile.

I laugh.

I watch people walking around me.

Grey.

No different than the concrete of their city.

No better than the ice-cream paper a child carelessly throws away behind him.

Time has no meaning.

They feel it.

Not me.

I watch them.

The sounds are all dulled.

They are not even alive.

They only delude themselves in believing so.

They do not exist.

They are too arrogant to see the truth.

They are so ordinary...

They have no light within.

Ants crawling on the earth.

Thinking they're like the sun...

I smile.

How wrong they are.

I walk among them, but they do not see me.

Their eyes are opened, but they cannot see.

Like the stones at their feet, they are inert.

They are nothing.

And I keep on walking among them.

Watching.

Waiting.

My hand closes around a throat, and a life fades.

A life...

The sakura's blossoms have a beautiful colour.

I look at the blood slowly spreading on the ground.

Their blood is the only thing that has a colour.

A beautiful crimson red.

I let the corpse fall at the foot of the sakura.

Where is the difference with what it was before ?

The absence of life ?

But it was already lifeless.

It simply wasn't aware of it.

I look ahead and resume walking.

I smile absentmindedly while avoiding a child who was running without watching in front of him.

I wonder...

How would the world be if there were more colours ?

All this grey is really dull.

Suddenly, I realised the music had stopped.

I breathed deeply, trying to calm the disordered beatings of my heart.

Goddess...

I laughed delightedly.

I had him !

I let myself fall on the floor and threw my head backwards, laughing like a child.

There was a slight sound, and I opened my eyes, surprised.

Seishirou was kneeling right behind me.

He smiled when he saw the surprise in my eyes.

"You are not the only one who can be quiet Kassandra..."

He hugged me softly.

"Tell me, what makes you so happy ?"

I faced him and kissed him, whispering :

"It's a secret..."

I smiled, getting up.

"I'll tell you later, first I need to walk out a bit. I need to breathe some fresh air..."

I held out a hand to him.

"You come with me ?

He looked at the CD-player.

"Don't you need to turn that off ?"

I shrugged.

"Later. I need to get out of here."

I took his hand in mine and drew him out.

The streets were quiet, people were enjoying the evening in their homes, watching television or listening to music...

Now I knew.

I smiled.

For the first time, I had *felt* the assassin.

Thanks to the music.

I knew who he was.

I knew what he was.

Oh, I didn't know his name of course, but I would find him.

Now I was sure of that.

He couldn't escape me much longer.

I would get him, and he would never hurt anyone again.

He would never harm Seishirou.

On impulse, I threw myself forward.

"Hey, Kassandra, what's going on ?"

I turned towards him, laughing happily, and saying :

"Catch me if you can !"

I ran.

The echo of my steps and his resounded between the buildings walls.

A bit like the sound of the drums...

A park.

The sakura trees are blossoming.

It's so beautiful.

I catch a petal in my right hand and smile, feeling a wave of nostalgia invading my heart.

I feel tired.

The journey has been so damn long...

A man...

There, on the other side of the park.

A mirror, cutting through the line of the trees between him and me.

He is my reflection.

He is watching me.

I am an intruder in his domain.

He puts sunglasses on and smiles back at me.

His smile is so cold...

Devoid of any emotion whatsoever.

I feel a shiver running along my spine.

I feel fear in my heart.

The assassin...

Yes...

It's him.

I remember...

I was so tired that I had forgotten that first day in Japan, but...

The man is a tall dark shadow.

Lean and powerful.

Beautiful the way deadly predators are.

The wind rustles the tree leaves, and a stray ray of sunlight falls upon the man.

His right eye is blind.

And his face...

His face I know only too well.

The echo of my running steps was invading my mind.

Mixed with the sound of my happy laughter.

No...

Claws ripped my heart.

Tore it apart.

I tripped on the pavement and fell on my knees.

Feeling a pain so horrible I was unable to cry out.

No...

I closed my eyes.

No, it could not be !

It couldn't...

I felt a sarcastic laugh rising in my throat, and a mocking smile on my lips.

Of course it could be.

Of course it was true.

It fitted so well.

It was so obvious.

From the start the truth had been right in front of my eyes and I had refused to look at it. I had refused to see.

Everything he had done.

Every gesture.

Every caress.

Every word.

The only more obvious thing he could have done would have been to tell me outright.

I was a fool. The worst fool there had ever been.

And I deserved what I was feeling now.

Hell I deserved it a thousand times !

My body shook.

No, no I wouldn't cry.

The cynical voice in the back of my mind repeated triumphantly that it had known all along but I hadn't listened.

I nodded inwardly.

I shook my head.

How many times would I make the same mistake ?

Would I ever learn ?

A hand gently rested on my left shoulder.

"Kassandra, what's wrong ? Are you hurt ?"

I could hear the worry in his voice.

I could close my eyes as much as I wanted.

I could make myself deaf.

It wouldn't change the truth.

I let the cold I was feeling fill my heart and laughed, saying :

"You..."

I stood up slowly, and looked at the evening sky.

"It was you all along..."

I turned my head towards him, smiling softly.

"Was it fun Seishirou ?..."

He was watching me, his face unreadable. Expressionless.

I whispered :

"Well, in any case, the game is over now."

On pure impulse, I jumped and kicked him in the right side with all my strength. As my feet touched the ground, I turned away and ran.

Suddenly, beyond the sounds of my steps I heard something like the fluttering of powerful wings, and pain hit me violently as something sharp tore at my left flank.

I cried out and staggered, leaning heavily on a wall.

Dimly, I saw something like a magnificent bird of prey settling on Seishirou's shoulder.

Somewhere inside me, a voice whispered that it was impossible to find a falcon in Tokyo.

Absurd.

My right hand felt for my left side and touched something viscous.

Warm.

I brought it back in front of my eyes and saw the bright red blood.

I looked at Seishirou and distantly thought I was going to die, which suddenly seemed a funny thing.

I tensed and pushed myself away from the wall, throwing myself right at him.

Surprise flashed in his eyes, and at the last moment I twisted on the left to avoid him.

He smiled.

His fingers closed on my left arm and violently pulled me back.

There was a sickening sound as the bone broke, and I screamed.

I hit the concrete wall violently, my head banging it hard.

Stars danced in front of my eyes and I felt faint.

"Stay awake Kassandra..."

His voice was soft, gentle...

With dificulty, I forced my eyes to see again and winced, moaning.

It hurt.

Damnit it hurt.

I had a sharp intake of breath.

The street had disappeared.

It was dark around us, but there were no stars.

I looked up and saw above me the looming shape of a tall sakura.

A slight breeze rustling its myriad of blossoms.

I looked in front of me, I looked at the one who was the cold and cruel assassin I had searched for so many weeks.

I looked at the one who had been my friend.

My lover.

The one who had... Touched me.

Touched my soul.

The one I had let reach beyond the wall.

I shuddered, shaking my head.

"Who are you ?"

He smiled.

"You know who I am Kassandra..."

I gritted my teeth.

"What are you then ?"

He chuckled.

"A good question, but you should have worried about that little detail much sooner..."

He walked to me, and reached out. I flinched, but his fingers gently brushed my left cheek as he whispered :

"I am Sakurazukamori, but you do not know what that means, do you ?"

I shivered, closing my eyes and remembering.

"You are an assassin. You walk, and you watch. Sometimes you kill..."

Suddenly I felt a lump in my throat.

Something that could have been grief.

Or sorrow.

"Human lives... They mean nothing to you. Like a blade of grass, like a leaf taken away by the Autumn wind..."

I looked at him.

"There is no other colour than grey."

His fingers closed around my throat and tightened, ever so softly. He chuckled.

"I shouldn't be surprised that you know so much..."

His hand slid back against my nape and he kissed me.

"You are so very much special my lady...."

He smiled fondly.

"Sometimes, in the middle of all the grey is a bright light..."

He shook his head, serious all of a sudden.

"This is too soon Kassandra..."

He sighed.

"I hadn't planned on taking your life so early..."

I smiled ironically.

"I'm so sorry to disrupt your little plans Seishirou."

I didn't move as his right hand wildly struck my face. He looked at me for a while, unmoving, then his fingers brushed the ugly purple bruise on my cheek and he shook his head.

"How can you be so calm ?"

If I had been able to, I would have laughed. Instead, I looked beyond him and said :

"I told you Seishirou, but you didn't want to believe me. When a thing is dead, I discard it, and I stop feeling anything for it. You..."

I smiled softly.

"Are dead, as Hisei is. I have always known it would not last. Could not. Happiness is not something one can keep. You relish it while it lasts, you embrace it and let it go. I have known betrayal all my life Seishirou, you are nothing more than yet another bitter experience in my life. I have known others. They hurt me, you hurt me, and then I go on. I live on, because I cannot do otherwise. Because somewhere inside of me are dreams that will not die, no matter if I have sometimes deluded myself in thinking they would not survive..."

His fingertips brushed my cheeks, catching tears I could not keep back, and didn't really feel like keeping back anyway.

"But this must be different. You let me reach beyond your wall, you love me..."

I leaned my head back against the sakura's trunk.

"Wrong. Didn't you hear me ? I lowered the shields for you. I let you touch me, I embraced you and released you Seishirou. You are not my property, you are free where I'm concerned. You always have been. Yes understanding who you are hurt me. It hurt me so much I couldn't howl the pain, but..."

I smiled at him.

"You taught me yourself to cry to let go of the sorrow and grief. So I accept the pain I feel, and I cry, but you are not in my heart anymore, no matter what you wish to believe. I can live without you, I can live with betrayal. I know I can never trust anyone or anything. I have always known that."

He bent down towards me, and his lips tenderly kissed my tears.

Something deep inside of me cried out.

Pain hit me again.

Devouring my soul.

No.

Sobs shook me and I moaned softly.

"I do not believe you my sweet lady..."

He looked at me.

"You are undergoing deep shock, which is why your mind is clouded..."

He smiled, saying in a confiding tone :

"Shock is such an interesting thing... It will make the pain feel distant, it will make you feel as if you were floating above your body, detached... It will place a cotton wall around your heart, so sorrow and despair cannot truly reach it... But shock does not last Kassandra. Soon, your body will feel the pain fully. Your wounds can be healed, but nothing can protect your spirit, nothing will shield your soul from what you will feel then..."

His fingertips fondly ran through my hair.

"You will not be able to lie to yourself any longer..."

Damn him I was not lying to myself, I was not hiding...

"Do you know why you have those shields around your soul ?..."

My heart skipped a beat and I looked at him.

"You are a very sensistive person, you have a strong empathic gift Kassandra. So strong that the feelings of others, their sorrows, their pains, their hatreds, their joys, their every emotion gnaws at your soul. The shields are your only way of keeping your sanity. You built them instinctively. You believe you are an uncaring person, but you are exactly the opposite..."

No... I slowly shook my head and he smiled.

"You know, I always intended for this hunt to last a long time, and it will..."

I said in a whisper :

"But I know who you are !"

He chuckled.

"You think too little of me Kassandra..."

His hand slowly stroked my hair.

"You and I are going to have a bit of fun here and now, then I will weave an illusion to alter your memory, and you will simply remember being raped by some street rats..."

I looked away, distantly aware I was trembling.

"You will of course come to me, and I will comfort you. Since you seem to believe you still have shields to protect you from me, I will unmake them, and once that is done, I shall restore your memory and end the game."

My right hand shot up and took his right arm, pulling it away from me. I said in a tight voice :

"It will not work..."

I looked at him, tears burning in my eyes.

"Damn you I will not let you toy with me like that !"

He laughed happily.

"Really ?..."

His lips brushed mine, and slowly travelled down my throat in gentle, tender featherlight kisses and I closed my eyes, fighting the tears.

Fighting my memories.

I didn't love him anymore.

I had chased him from my soul.

He wasn't there !

He wasn't there...

He wasn't there...

His fingers began to unbutton my shirt while he was whispering :

"You are very brave Kassandra, but you will yield to me eagerly, your soul will be too happy to forget this, even now you wish for nothing else than for this to be a nightmare..."

I shook my head, tears soaking my face.

"No..."

My body tensed as his hand slid inside and his fingertips brushed my breasts.

But it was not fear or pain that was provoking the reaction.

At this moment, I wished for death.

With all my soul, I begged to be granted death, knowing he would not give it.

Knowing I would live.

He had no mercy, no compassion.

No feelings.

I cried in a desperate denial :

"No ! I will remember !"

His mouth covered mine and I closed my eyes.

I would remember.

I would...

Sounds...

Strangely deformed...

I opened my eyes, and saw white walls around me.

I was lying in a bed.

Panic blinded me

Where was I ?

What...?

A dull pain shot through my left arm and I tried to sit up.

I gave up with a weak moan.

I hurt.

Suddenly, the door in front of me opened, and a nurse came in. Then I made the connection.

A hospital.

But what was I doing in a hospital ?

The nurse smiled gently and asked :

"How are you feeling Ange-san ?"

I guessed it was normal she knew my name... I said with a wry smile :

"My arm hurts, and I feel very weak..."

She nodded.

"It will be all right soon. You have been under anaesthetic during the surgery to set your arm. It was really badly broken. Do you remember what happened ?"

I frowned.

For some reason, my memory seemed to be unable to recall recent events.

I closed my eyes.

A street...

Night falling.

Men.

Four.

Looking at me with leering smiles.

Running.

Pain.

Tearing sound.

Cry.

Pain again.

Touches.

Pain...

I opened my eyes, fighting savagely the scream in my throat.

Rape.

I...

I looked at the nurse, who was watching me closely.

Compassion and pity written all over her face.

I shivered violently, feeling cold.

So cold...

I whispered :

"I was raped."

She nodded.

"Yes, that is also what the examinations told us..."

Suddenly I had a vision of a gynecoligist touching me and shuddered.

Perhaps I should have felt grateful that they had done it while I was unconscious.

There was no way I could have borne with it now.

"People of the police will want to talk to you once you feel up to it..."

I nodded absentmindedly.

"Of course..."

I was nothing but ice.

I couldn't let myself feel.

I couldn't or I'd go mad.

She added :

"I brought you painkillers as well as a tranquilizer..."

Her hand gently touched my right shoulder and it was all I could do not to jerk away.

"You will get better, your mind will chase the memories away, it will become bearable in time..."

I looked at her and smiled ironically.

I knew I would never forget.

I could not.

Because I had to remember.

I knew it was important that I remember.

I had to remember...

"Do you wish to warn anyone ?"

Seishirou...

I wanted to feel him holding me close.

Shielding me.

I...

I shivered.

No.

Not yet.

I shook my head silently, and the woman got out of the room.

I looked at the pills and the glass of water, distantly feeling warm, salty tears running down my face.

A part of me wanted to scream this was only a nightmare.

But it was reality.

End of Part 7.

On to Next Part.
Back to Previous Part.

Back to my Fanfic page.