[ Watashi ]

[ Tomodachi ]

[ Saint Seiya ]

[ Clamp ]

[ Fanfiction ]

I sighed, closing my eyes.

Tomorrow I would have to go to the police and try and help them to identify the four bastards who had attacked me.

I didn't want to go.

I didn't want to think or move from the rocking chair.

Oh, I could identify them easily, the image of their faces was carved in my mind. It would be easy, but...

I just... Couldn't even gather the courage to stand and pick up the phone.

I had to phone Seishirou.

I had to tell him...

For some reason, it frightened me.

I was feeling a mixture of fury and shame which threatened to unbalance me.

Shame because...

Shit.

I gritted my teeth, fighting my tears.

I hated matching the cliché of raped women who ended up almost feeling responsible for what they had suffered.

Damn it to all the hells, it was not my fault !

I couldn't have done anything...

I had scars to prove I had tried to fight them.

I had just never stood a chance of getting away.

I had come back from the hospital this morning, my left arm in a sling, and with a full prescription for tranquilizers. Somehow, my calm had worried the nurses and doctors there, they had made me promise I would see a psychiatrist.

I smiled.

As if it would help.

Nothing could ever help the truth.

Or...

Seishirou...

He would understand. He would know, he would be strong where I could not be.

I needed to see him before going to the police, I needed to feel his gentleness and his strength.

I made myself stand up and go to the phone.

I picked up the receiver and dialed his number.

I heard the ringing on the other side...

The CD-player switched randomly to the next track.

And the ringing went on.

Shit, where could he be ?

Drums...

"You have reached the Sakurazuka residence. I am absent at this moment, however you can..."

Broken rythm...

This music...

I...

Distantly, I heard a beep.

Stay awake Kassandra...

His hand on my throat.

His eyes fixed on me.

His lips shaping a gentle smile.

I always intended for this hunt to last a long time, and it will...

His fingers tenderly running through my hair.

His lips kissing me.

His fingers closing around my arm and breaking it.

You will simply remember being raped by some street rats...

His hand slapping me violently.

I am Sakurazukamori, but you do not know what that means, do you ?

His eyes glittering as he laughed.

You and I are going to have a bit of fun here and now...

His fingers unbuttoning my shirt and...

Suddenly, a part of me realised I was still holding the phone receiver, and out of habit put it back into place.

I turned around.

The sun was shining outside.

It was still early afternoon.

I walked to the mirror hanging on the wall.

An assassin.

A predator.

Watching.

Walking among what was for him nothing but lifeless beings.

Waiting.

And once in a while, killing.

Sometimes, in the middle of all the grey is a bright light...

I looked at my reflection, wondering distantly what I was supposed to do now.

I had told him I would kill the assassin.

I had told him I would kill him.

I threw my head backwards and laughed.

How absurd.

How stupid.

How pathetic.

Shock is such an interesting thing...

A hunter.

Nothing will shield your soul from what you will feel then...

A game.

He would never give up his hunt.

He would never let me rest.

I had no way to escape.

No matter where I went, he would follow.

And to hurt me, he would kill, because he knew that it was the thing that caused me the most pain.

As he had killed Hisei.

I bowed my head.

I could go to him, pretend I still believed the lie he had weaved, and wait for an opportunity to kill him. As I had told him I would.

And if I failed...

He would temper with my memory again.

It didn't matter how he was able to do that.

It would never end.

He would never tire of it.

And besides... To kill him...

I...

Slowly, I looked up at my reflection again.

A place of darkness.

Where there are no stars.

Where a tall sakura looms.

Eternally covered by myriads of beautiful pale pink blossoms.

Fragile.

It didn't matter what he truly was.

The only thing important was winning free.

I smiled suddenly, and turned away from the mirror, whispering :

"Yes, shock is a very interesting thing Seishirou, indeed..."

I did my best to ignore people's looks as I walked out of the train.

The bruises on my face were a bit too visible.

Oh, who cared anyway ?

Not me.

Or perhaps, yes.

Because they meant I had fought him.

I had fought him as long as I had been able to.

But at some point, my mind had yielded.

My soul had given in.

Long after my body had.

I repressed the urge to hug myself and to scream.

His touch...

His caresses...

His fingers...

His lips...

At the beginning, it had really been rape.

Afterwards...

Oh yes, even before his toying with my memories...

I had...

Knowing who he was...

Knowing what he intended...

I had let him...

Worse, I had...

Relished...

I savagely bit my lower lip and tasted blood.

No.

I had to keep the memories at bay, a little while longer.

I had to remain aloof.

I had to hang on.

I forced myself to breathe deeply, and to focus on what I had to do. When at last I judged it safe to resume walking, I opened my eyes and went inside the riding-club.

The courtyard was deserted.

I smiled knowingly.

Today was Monday, the resting day for horses.

The morrow of official competitions, and by tradition the horses' holiday.

Nobody ever came on Monday, except during the evening to check quickly on a horse and then go back home.

I would not be disturbed.

Good.

I quickly went to one of the stables and walked in.

A few horses looked at me with curiosity, and one snorted, but otherwise they remained calm and unafraid.

They knew me.

I went to one of the big metal cases stored in a corner of the stable and opened it. My eyes searched for a few seconds, and then I took out an old bridle.

I looked at the bit and smiled.

A good, gentle, harmless snaffle bit.

Perfect.

I walked to a stall and opened it.

The horse's head came up from the straw he was busy grazing and looked at me for a while. Then, lazily, he came towards me.

His ears pricked up.

His eyes shining like fire.

The chestnut stallion stopped right in front of me and I whispered softly :

"Well, it shall be as you wish it Dolphin. As you can see, I am in no shape to defend myself against you. But really it would be a shame if you let yourself be impatient..."

He blew softly in my face, and his lips brushed the sides of my neck.

Gently.

So...

He let me bridle him, and I smiled, patting his neck.

"You know, don't you ?..."

His ears twitched and I chuckled.

I gently took him outside, distantly regretting I was unable to saddle him, but then it really didn't matter.

He let me lead him to a small rail and kept utterly still during the time it took me to get on his back.

I felt his muscles tensing the moment he felt my weight. I whispered softly :

"Hush, be a bit patient, will you ?"

Damn, with my left arm in a sling it was really hard...

I brushed the stallion's flanks with my ankles and we both walked out of the courtyard.

No one had seen us go.

I closed my eyes, breathing at the rythm of Dolphin's strides.

At the beginning, it had looked like it, but...

It had not been rape.

Oh no.

Once I had stopped fighting him, he had even been careful of my arm.

He had been gentle.

Tender.

He had pleasured me.

And I had shivered at his touch.

Moaned.

Wished for more.

He had smiled.

And complied.

I had let myself forget everything but him.

And when he had had enough, my soul had gladly yielded to the spell.

As he had said it would.

His lips had tenderly brushed my closed eyes as the web had begun imprisoning my memory.

I looked forward, fighting the tears.

It hurt.

Oh sweet goddess it hurt so much...

Suddenly, I gently pulled on the reins, and the stallion obediently stopped, his head turning inquisitively towards me.

The wide field in front of us was empty.

There was no one around.

I nodded, touching Dolphin's nose with the tip of my right forefinger.

"Yes, you evil brute. Now, we both can have some fun."

I savagely kicked his flanks, and the stallion threw himself forward.

Instinctively, my legs pressed against the chestnut's body, feeling every powerful movement, every breath, every heartbeat.

Riding bareback always was wondrous.

Dolphin's gallop accelerated, and I let my tears run down.

I couldn't face Seishirou again.

Because I would yield.

Because I was not strong enough.

Because there was not even a chance in a million that I would be able to kill him by surprise.

Because, no matter what the truth was, a part of me would always...

Love him.

The stallion reared.

As I was about to fall, he fell back on four feet, and threw himself forward again, giving a powerful kick.

I laughed.

He kicked again.

And again.

His ears flat on his skull.

So... The moment had come.

He had had enough of playing.

I smiled, loosening the hold of my legs a bit.

As he kicked again, I felt myself sliding on the left side.

Everything happened very quickly.

I fell, and his iron clad hooves struck me savagely.

I rolled on the ground, vaguely hearing my voice crying out.

The sky was so blue...

Strange that I hadn't lost consciousness...

It hurt.

I moaned softly.

The pain in my left arm and my body was horrible.

But it was so much better than the pain devouring my soul...

So much better...

I heard a slight sound, and turned my head on the left to see Dolphin walking towards me.

He looked astonished.

As if he was wondering how an experienced rider like me had managed to fall so badly.

I felt a smile rising to my lips.

He hadn't even had to try and hit me, I had fallen exactly under him, and it had been impossible for him to avoid me.

How vexing for him...

I chuckled, and moaned.

Breathing hurt like hell.

Suddenly, I tasted blood in my mouth and thought :

Internal bleeding.

The stallion's ears went flat on his skull and he walked towards me.

Ah, now he would finish the work.

I had known I could count on him.

He reared, and I closed my eyes.

Nothing...

A soft chant resounded through the air, and I heard the sound of Dolphin's hooves slamming on the ground beside me.

I opened my eyes to see the chestnut looking at me, his ears twitching.

What was going on ?

Suddenly, a stranger appeared in my field of vision.

A girl.

Looking grave.

Sad.

Sorrowful.

She knelt beside me and smiled softly, saying :

"It is wrong to use a living being the way you tried to use this horse."

I looked at her deep brown eyes, uncomprehending.

What was this about ?

Who was she ?

What right had she to interfere ?

"This horse loves you in his way..."

She began another chant, and I felt the pain slowly receding.

Gratefully, I closed my eyes.

I knelt down on the ground and let my fingers brush the earth.

Blood.

Her blood.

So...

I stood up, and distantly felt my right hand closing into a fist.

Damn, how could this be ?

She had remembered.

And then she had tried to take her own life.

Distantly, I watched as something that looked like anger rose inside me.

I smiled.

I wasn't used to being wrong.

To making mistakes.

I had hurt her too much.

I could see that now.

I had pushed her too far, beyond what she could bear.

And I had underestimated the strength of her will.

That mistake had almost proved fatal.

Almost.

Suddenly, I heard a shrill cry, and looked up to see the falcon.

He cried again, and I distinctely heard the distress in his cry.

Ah...

I held out my left hand for him to perch on, and he came to me.

I smiled at him, whispering :

"I know..."

So, there was a possible explanation for my lack of judgement concerning this matter.

I briefly remembered the fire burning in her soul as she had tried to resist. She had held on during a surprisingly long time.

She had almost felt... *Alive*.

And I had discarded my knowledge of her soul in what had seemed a strange yet irrepressible need to have her yield to me.

It was not unheard of for the hunt to trigger what could pass for emotions, the more so when the prey was special. But this...

I nodded silently.

Interesting.

Yes...

It just might be she was strong enough.

I chuckled.

At last I might have found someone who would give a few colours to the world.

It would be a welcome change.

After all, darkness lost its meaning without light.

All I had to do for now was to let her rest.

Regain a bit of strength.

I had gone too far, so it was fair in a way.

Besides, I could afford to give her this small gift.

I had time.

I couldn't feel her presence anywhere.

It didn't matter.

I knew where she was, and it suited me fine.

When the time came, our roads would cross again, there was nothing she or anyone could do about it.

I turned away from the empty field, smiling.

She was mine.

Forever.

"So, this is the one..."

A voice...

"Yes oba-sama..."

So far away...

"But she is a gaijin, how can this be ?..."

I opened my eyes with difficulty, and saw a girl kneeling beside me.

I was lying on a traditional Japanese bed, in a strange room...

Suddenly, I remembered the girl.

She had stopped Dolphin from crushing me under his hooves.

I felt fury rising inside my heart and said in a tight voice :

"What right...?"

I moaned, unable to say another word.

Damn, I hurt.

It was horrible.

In a flash, I saw again the fall I had made, and smiled inwardly.

Broken ribs, likely pierced lungs. Possibly a broken hip too.

As for my left arm...

In pieces.

The girl turned towards me and said sternly :

"To let you die would have been a senseless waste of human life."

Abruptly, I remembered the way she had stopped the chestnut stallion.

A strange, soft chant had risen through the air.

Like magic...

Terror gripped me and I whispered :

"You're with him..."

Someone else answered :

"No..."

An old woman moved into my field of vision. She watched me silently for a few seconds, then smiled bitterly.

"We did not save your life only because of our principles, we did so because it would seem you are linked with our shadow... And because you appeared in my vision during the Kakai divination cermemony..."

What was this gibberish about ?

"You are in Sagano, Kyoto. This is the family residence of the Sumeragi."

I shook my head carefully.

"I don't understand..."

The old woman laid a gentle hand on my brow.

"You will, in time. Suffice to say that you are safe. The Sumeragi clan and the Sakurazukamori have been opposites since the beginning of the history of Japan. We will protect you from him. So rest in peace, let your soul heal..."

It still wasn't making any sense, but obscurely I knew she was telling the truth about one thing : I was safe, at least for a time.

And I was feeling so exhausted...

So I let myself drift away slowly.

And I forgot.

End of Part 8.

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